WEBVTT 00:00:07.500 --> 00:00:13.533 [Produced for The Mental Health Division of The Department of National Health and Welfare, Ottawa 00:00:13.533 --> 00:00:17.599 By the National Film Board of Canada] 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:22.300 [Prepared with the technical advice of the Medical Staff of The Allan Memorial Institute of Psychiatry, 00:00:22.300 --> 00:00:30.100 McGill University, and the Royal Victoria Hospital Montreal] 00:00:30.100 --> 00:00:34.233 [Narrator:] This is Margaret, 23 years old, unmarried, the older of two children 00:00:34.233 --> 00:00:35.766 of an average family. 00:00:35.766 --> 00:00:38.266 Her outward appearance is a quiet, prudent girl. 00:00:38.266 --> 00:00:39.832 But still she is not well. 00:00:39.833 --> 00:00:43.466 She is troubled by headaches, stomach upsets, dizzy spells. 00:00:43.466 --> 00:00:44.866 She tires easily. 00:00:44.866 --> 00:00:49.132 These are not uncommon complaints, but a most thorough examination has shown 00:00:49.133 --> 00:00:52.966 no physical reasons for them, such as tumors, anemia, or infections. 00:00:52.966 --> 00:01:05.699 Because of the possibility of emotional causes, she is being referred to a psychiatrist. 00:01:05.700 --> 00:01:08.200 [Margaret:] Well, I do have these awful headaches. 00:01:08.200 --> 00:01:10.400 I don't just imagine them. 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:12.566 [Doctor:] Of course you don't. 00:01:12.566 --> 00:01:15.466 Tell me about your most recent one. 00:01:15.466 --> 00:01:18.866 [Margaret:] It was only last night. 00:01:18.866 --> 00:01:29.432 I left the office at about the usual time. 00:01:29.433 --> 00:01:41.133 There was a good movie on and I decided I'd see it after supper. 00:01:41.133 --> 00:01:53.499 [Music, then a door opening and closing.] 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:56.566 Hello, Daddy. 00:01:56.566 --> 00:02:01.066 [Father:] Hello, Margaret. You back? 00:02:01.066 --> 00:02:04.399 [Virginia:] Hello, Marg. Hello, Daddy. 00:02:04.400 --> 00:02:07.800 How's my handsome Daddy tonight? 00:02:07.800 --> 00:02:11.233 [Father:] Oh, go on and let me read my paper. 00:02:11.233 --> 00:02:14.333 [Mother:] Now, Virginia, I don't want you sitting on the arms of chairs. 00:02:14.333 --> 00:02:17.533 [Virginia:] Oh, Mother. I won't hurt the old chair. 00:02:17.533 --> 00:02:18.433 [Father:] Oh, she's all right. 00:02:18.433 --> 00:02:20.966 [Mother:] William, have you fixed the furnace? 00:02:20.966 --> 00:02:23.466 Why do I have to remind you of everything? 00:02:23.466 --> 00:02:24.332 Margaret, you look tired. 00:02:24.333 --> 00:02:25.066 [Margaret:] Oh? 00:02:25.066 --> 00:02:28.599 [Mother:] Come to supper, all of you. 00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:42.700 [Father stands up; the newspaper rustles as he folds it.] 00:02:42.700 --> 00:02:45.500 Girls, I'm not feeling very well. 00:02:45.500 --> 00:02:48.666 Will you do the dishes and finish the ironing? 00:02:48.666 --> 00:02:49.932 [Virginia:] Oh, Mommy, I can't. 00:02:49.933 --> 00:02:53.466 I've got an important date. I have to get dressed. 00:02:53.466 --> 00:02:55.466 [Mother:] My, aren't you the popular one? 00:02:55.466 --> 00:02:57.399 [Virginia:] Sis will do it, won't you Sis? 00:02:57.400 --> 00:03:11.900 [Margaret:] Yes. I'll do it. 00:03:11.900 --> 00:03:53.900 [Music, becoming increasingly sharp and dramatic.] 00:03:53.900 --> 00:03:56.566 Sorry I couldn't finish, Mommy, I'm not feeling very well. 00:03:56.566 --> 00:03:59.466 [Mother:] Another headache? Let me get you an aspirin, dear. 00:03:59.466 --> 00:04:15.932 [Margaret:] I'll be all right. I'll get one when I go upstairs. 00:04:15.933 --> 00:04:19.466 [Narrator:] Giving up a decision to see a movie in order to help with the housework 00:04:19.466 --> 00:04:23.032 is not out of the ordinary in itself. 00:04:23.033 --> 00:04:28.166 But when this is followed by feelings of more than usual tiredness, nervousness and discomfort, 00:04:28.166 --> 00:04:54.966 it suggests emotional difficulties which the patient herself does not understand. 00:04:54.966 --> 00:04:59.232 [Doctor:] You didn't have the headache at the office or on the way home? 00:04:59.233 --> 00:05:01.366 Not until after dinner? 00:05:01.366 --> 00:05:02.899 [Margaret:] No. 00:05:02.900 --> 00:05:05.666 [Doctor:] Weren't you disappointed not to see that movie? 00:05:05.666 --> 00:05:07.932 [Margaret:] Well, yes, I was. 00:05:07.933 --> 00:05:11.966 [Doctor:] Well, tell me more about your headaches. 00:05:11.966 --> 00:05:14.732 [Margaret:] I had an awful one last week. 00:05:14.733 --> 00:05:17.899 It was so bad I couldn't go to the office party. 00:05:17.900 --> 00:05:20.400 Everyone was going. 00:05:20.400 --> 00:05:30.633 The girls spent a lot of time talking about it. 00:05:30.633 --> 00:05:35.066 I was going to get a new blouse to wear with my blue suit. 00:05:35.066 --> 00:05:37.466 There was a sale the day before the party. 00:05:37.466 --> 00:05:40.732 I was going after work. 00:05:40.733 --> 00:05:45.999 And then Ms. Henderson asked me to stay and do some extra typing for one of the girls. 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:49.866 [Ms. Henderson:] I know you won't mind, dear. Barbara is so anxious to get off on time. 00:05:49.866 --> 00:05:51.932 [Barbara:] I've just got to get my hair done for the party. 00:05:51.933 --> 00:05:57.899 [Margaret:] Yes. 00:05:57.900 --> 00:06:01.566 [Barbara:] Thanks Marg, you're a dear. 00:06:01.566 --> 00:06:13.966 [Narrator:] She finds no comfort in agreeing. She simply cannot disagree. 00:06:13.966 --> 00:06:25.932 [Margaret stays late at the office while everyone else departs.] 00:06:25.933 --> 00:06:33.466 [A clock on the fireplace mantle chimes as Margaret finally walks in her front door after the workday.] 00:06:33.466 --> 00:06:36.199 [Mother:] Margaret? 00:06:36.200 --> 00:06:42.200 [Margaret:] Yes, Mother. 00:06:42.200 --> 00:06:44.666 [Mother:] What kept you so late? 00:06:44.666 --> 00:06:46.699 [Margaret:] I had a lot of work to do. 00:06:46.700 --> 00:06:48.466 [Mother:] Did you get the blouse, dear? 00:06:48.466 --> 00:06:50.799 [Margaret:] Mother, I will when I get time. 00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:56.366 [Mother:] Now don't forget, dear. I want you to look nice for tomorrow. 00:06:56.366 --> 00:07:13.399 [Margaret:] The next day I went to the store. 00:07:13.400 --> 00:07:16.866 There was one the sales girl wanted me to buy. 00:07:16.866 --> 00:07:19.332 It reminded me of one of my mother's. 00:07:19.333 --> 00:07:23.833 She said it was just right for me. I wasn't sure. 00:07:23.833 --> 00:07:29.699 [Narrator:] The inability to say no, easily persuaded against her own feelings, 00:07:29.700 --> 00:07:49.700 she accepts other people's choices and not her own, for which she suffers. 00:07:49.700 --> 00:07:59.100 [Margaret tries on the new blouse she was persuaded to buy.] 00:07:59.100 --> 00:08:01.066 [Margaret, to herself:] I hate this blouse! 00:08:01.066 --> 00:08:04.866 [Narrator:] Her dissatisfaction and disappointment result in the familiar headache 00:08:04.866 --> 00:08:19.599 and a feeling of utter weariness. 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:25.766 As the interviews continue, memories of earlier life reveal the same inability to assert herself. 00:08:25.766 --> 00:08:30.099 It gradually becomes clear that this developed from the fear of losing love 00:08:30.100 --> 00:08:31.566 and of not being wanted. 00:08:31.566 --> 00:08:33.266 A school friendship. 00:08:33.266 --> 00:08:36.199 [Margaret:] She was wonderful, so popular and pretty. 00:08:36.200 --> 00:08:37.933 We used to go everywhere together. 00:08:37.933 --> 00:08:52.666 Everyone liked her, but I was her best friend. 00:08:52.666 --> 00:08:57.132 [Narrator:] The friendship gave the patient a feeling of being wanted and useful. 00:08:57.133 --> 00:09:01.899 She enjoys her friend's successes without exposing herself to dangers of competition. 00:09:01.900 --> 00:09:04.400 She dreads competition. 00:09:04.400 --> 00:09:21.500 But living through the friend, she cannot satisfy her own need for expression. 00:09:21.500 --> 00:09:51.000 [People crowd around Margaret's best friend, paying no attention to Margaret.] 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:53.700 [Margaret:] There was a boy who took me out once in a while. 00:09:53.700 --> 00:09:56.833 He was very nice. 00:09:56.833 --> 00:10:03.199 I guess Jean got quite a crush on him, because she flirted with him a lot. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:10.200 I guess he got to like her, too. 00:10:10.200 --> 00:10:14.400 I remember one time when I was going along the street, they were standing talking 00:10:14.400 --> 00:10:17.666 to some other people and they didn't even say hello. 00:10:17.666 --> 00:10:19.499 I felt terribly hurt. 00:10:19.500 --> 00:10:20.500 [Doctor:] Did you say hello? 00:10:20.500 --> 00:10:24.633 [Margaret:] No. I didn't want to butt in when they didn't say hello. 00:10:24.633 --> 00:10:27.066 I felt awful. 00:10:27.066 --> 00:10:30.499 [Narrator:] Afraid to join them, she is not noticed. 00:10:30.500 --> 00:10:36.133 She feels, wrongly, that she is not wanted. 00:10:36.133 --> 00:10:45.833 Always this inability to stand up for herself in situations calling only for normal competition. 00:10:45.833 --> 00:10:50.833 [Margaret:] I remember once when I was about 12, we were having a school play. 00:10:50.833 --> 00:10:52.733 I wanted to be the princess. 00:10:52.733 --> 00:11:00.033 I practiced alone in my room until I knew it perfectly. 00:11:00.033 --> 00:11:03.466 [Teacher:] All right. Now we want to choose the princess. 00:11:03.466 --> 00:11:06.132 Who wants to be first? 00:11:06.133 --> 00:11:10.033 All right, Jean. 00:11:10.033 --> 00:11:12.966 [Jean:] A fairy went a-marketing, she bought a colored bird. 00:11:12.966 --> 00:11:17.132 It sang the sweetest, shrillest song that ever she had heard. 00:11:17.133 --> 00:11:25.466 She sat beside its painted cage and listened half the day, and then she... then she... 00:11:25.466 --> 00:11:30.999 then she opened up the door and let it fly away. 00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:36.900 [Teacher:] All right, Margaret. It's your turn. 00:11:36.900 --> 00:11:41.800 [Margaret:] A fairy went a-mar-- marketing. 00:11:41.800 --> 00:11:49.000 She bought a, a colored bird. 00:11:49.000 --> 00:12:07.200 It sang the sweetest, shrillest song that ever she had heard. 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:12.233 [Teacher:] All right, dear. I guess you don't know it very well. 00:12:12.233 --> 00:12:19.533 [Narrator:] Afraid to compete for fear that she might lose friendship. 00:12:19.533 --> 00:12:24.799 Gradually, Margaret, with the doctor's help, discovers what in her childhood 00:12:24.800 --> 00:12:31.466 has made her act and feel as she does now. 00:12:31.466 --> 00:12:34.999 Margaret was sheltered too much as a child. 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:39.933 Her well-meaning, but overanxious mother often discouraged her by exaggerating 00:12:39.933 --> 00:12:47.966 the dangers of everyday life. 00:12:47.966 --> 00:12:50.699 [Mother:] Margaret, stop that, you'll burn yourself, child. 00:12:50.700 --> 00:12:53.800 Mommy doesn't want her darling baby to be hurt. 00:12:53.800 --> 00:12:59.266 [Narrator:] As she hears the all too familiar don'ts, her normal need to learn by doing is curbed. 00:12:59.266 --> 00:13:03.932 She clings to her mother for safety. 00:13:03.933 --> 00:13:06.266 [Mother:] No, Margaret. It's sharp! 00:13:06.266 --> 00:13:11.099 You'll cut your hand! 00:13:11.100 --> 00:13:18.100 You mustn't do that! You'll smash your thumb! 00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:21.766 Margaret, how many times must I tell you not to climb? 00:13:21.766 --> 00:13:25.066 You could fall and break a leg. 00:13:25.066 --> 00:13:27.766 Darling, those are sharp scissors! 00:13:27.766 --> 00:13:32.699 You'll cut off your fingers! 00:13:32.700 --> 00:13:38.733 Margaret, little girls don't climb on gates. You'll hurt yourself and get all dirty. 00:13:38.733 --> 00:13:44.033 Mommy wants you to be her good little girl and keep neat and tidy. 00:13:44.033 --> 00:13:47.966 Love Mommy? 00:13:47.966 --> 00:13:52.232 [Narrator:] She depends now too much on her mother's approval. 00:13:52.233 --> 00:14:06.766 It is safest to avoid all activities which seem dangerous or which her mother wouldn't like. 00:14:06.766 --> 00:14:09.566 A little sister. 00:14:09.566 --> 00:14:14.332 Now mother's affections must be shared. 00:14:14.333 --> 00:14:31.199 The baby takes up time and attention that otherwise would've been hers. 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:37.533 When she feels insecure, she seeks protection, but too often she chooses awkward moments 00:14:37.533 --> 00:14:40.566 to ask for it. 00:14:40.566 --> 00:14:47.399 [Father:] No, no. Go and play. Daddy's busy. 00:14:47.400 --> 00:14:54.233 Can't you come and get this child? 00:14:54.233 --> 00:14:58.666 [Narrator:] Normal rebuffs are exaggerated by her feeling of insecurity. 00:14:58.666 --> 00:15:01.132 She has too few devices to turn to. 00:15:01.133 --> 00:15:06.466 Normal activity has already been too much discouraged. 00:15:06.466 --> 00:15:12.532 When she cannot get attention, she feels she is not wanted. 00:15:12.533 --> 00:15:21.133 She competes for the attention she feels she must have. 00:15:21.133 --> 00:15:28.633 [Margaret:] Look, Mama, Daddy, I can dance. 00:15:28.633 --> 00:15:32.033 [Mother:] Mommy and Daddy don't love little girls that show off. 00:15:32.033 --> 00:15:33.299 [Narrator:] To show off is bad. 00:15:33.300 --> 00:15:36.800 If you are bad, no one will love you. 00:15:36.800 --> 00:15:41.400 She tries other ways, creative ways to get attention and affection, 00:15:41.400 --> 00:15:44.700 but finds no encouragement. 00:15:44.700 --> 00:15:45.933 [Father:] What is it? 00:15:45.933 --> 00:15:47.533 [Margaret:] It's a bear. 00:15:47.533 --> 00:15:55.099 [Father:] I've never seen a bear look like that. 00:15:55.100 --> 00:15:57.366 [Margaret:] Look, Mommy. 00:15:57.366 --> 00:16:01.466 [Mother:] Margaret, take your dirty paints away. I don't want my laundry all messed up. 00:16:01.466 --> 00:16:05.232 [Narrator:] Her parents don't understand Margaret's needs and this robs her of an outlet 00:16:05.233 --> 00:16:07.466 through self-expression. 00:16:07.466 --> 00:16:18.399 Because her self-confidence has already been damaged, she gives up easily. 00:16:18.400 --> 00:16:21.066 [Father:] Can't you look after this child? 00:16:21.066 --> 00:16:31.932 [Mother:] Look after her yourself. I'm busy. 00:16:31.933 --> 00:16:34.233 [Father:] Now be a good girl or I'll paddle you. 00:16:34.233 --> 00:16:38.066 [Narrator:] She learns to be a good girl, to do what she is told. 00:16:38.066 --> 00:16:41.666 This gains her very little, but she runs no risk of losing approval. 00:16:41.666 --> 00:16:44.532 Margaret's parents are not unusual. 00:16:44.533 --> 00:16:48.633 Parents who are fond of their children can still discourage them from growing up 00:16:48.633 --> 00:16:52.033 active and competent. 00:16:52.033 --> 00:17:00.199 [Father:] You're being a good girl. 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:03.500 [Narrator:] By the age of 8, she is a model child. 00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:06.466 What she is being made, she now is. 00:17:06.466 --> 00:17:08.432 She never quite grows up. 00:17:08.433 --> 00:17:11.666 Even as an adult, she is still the good child. 00:17:11.666 --> 00:17:15.632 In order to grow up, she must learn how to face up to her difficulty. 00:17:15.633 --> 00:17:37.566 The model child does not necessarily become the happy adult. 00:17:37.566 --> 00:17:48.832 [Mother:] She's a good girl. 00:17:48.833 --> 00:18:01.266 [Sounds of children shouting and playing on the school playground.] 00:18:01.266 --> 00:18:06.532 [Narrator:] By now, she is able to work out her personal problems with others 00:18:06.533 --> 00:18:07.933 in a group under guidance. 00:18:07.933 --> 00:18:12.899 In this understanding environment, Margaret finds that she is not alone with her difficulties. 00:18:12.900 --> 00:18:14.766 She feels that she belongs. 00:18:14.766 --> 00:18:21.666 She is no longer so afraid to express her real feelings and to assert herself. 00:18:21.666 --> 00:18:25.832 [Clerk:] This one was featured in many of the fashion magazines. 00:18:25.833 --> 00:18:32.033 The new spring shade in blue, it's a very sensible walking shoe and yet a very dressy shoe. 00:18:32.033 --> 00:18:33.999 I have your size in this. 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:39.400 [Narrator:] She was not so bound by the crippling ties of childhood. 00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:42.100 [Inner voices:] Take this one, Margaret. 00:18:42.100 --> 00:18:45.800 Be a good girl or we won't love you. 00:18:45.800 --> 00:18:53.766 Margaret, do what you're told. 00:18:53.766 --> 00:18:55.866 [Margaret:] No, I don't like any of those at all. 00:18:55.866 --> 00:18:57.999 Can you show me something else, please? 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:07.333 Something a little gayer. 00:19:07.333 --> 00:19:10.066 [Narrator:] With new understanding, her headaches bother her less. 00:19:10.066 --> 00:19:12.866 Having fewer conflicts, she has fewer symptoms. 00:19:12.866 --> 00:19:18.632 In all her contacts at home, in the office, and with her widening circle of friends, 00:19:18.633 --> 00:19:22.466 she is beginning a new life. 00:19:22.466 --> 00:19:27.666 Some lessons of childhood can be learned too well and carried over into adult life. 00:19:27.666 --> 00:19:32.066 Sometimes they can become the source of illness which has no discoverable basis 00:19:32.066 --> 00:19:33.866 in physical conditions. 00:19:33.866 --> 00:19:38.799 Through increased understanding of these factors, the individual learns how 00:19:38.800 --> 00:19:40.766 to stand up for himself. 00:19:40.766 --> 00:19:45.799 He becomes more and more able to take part with confidence and satisfaction in the world 00:19:45.800 --> 00:19:53.033 of his friends. 00:19:53.033 --> 00:19:59.733 [Mental Mechanisms No. 1. THE END The Feeling of Rejection] 00:19:59.733 --> 00:20:03.499 [Produced and Directed by Robert Anderson. Camera, Dennis Gillson. Music, Robert Fleming. 00:20:03.500 --> 00:20:07.066 Sound, J.P. Champagne. Editing, Victor Jobin. Script by Bruce Ruddick, M.D. 00:20:07.066 --> 00:20:28.099 Produced by the National Film Board Ottawa, Canada mcmxlvii]