f. y}sC- SPECTRAL VISITANTS, OR JOURNAL OF A FEVER BY A CONVALESCENT, V> "Fantastic forms — chimeras strange and wild, Spring from a fevered brain." / PORTLAND: 3 H COLESWORTHY, BOSTON: HALIBURTON & DUDLEY 1845. i ^ychi^+ry Copyright secured according to law. "BF •S THURSTON, ILSLEY k. CO., Printers and Stereotype™. INTRODUCTION. Sickness and pain are often teaching us important les- sons, which we learn slowly and reluctantly. These lessons are sometimes of great value — more instructive, doubtless, to the sufferer than they can be to others. Few attempts are made to explain to others one class of lessons in sickness, which are doubtless more frequently learned than remembered. I refer to the strange phanta- sies and hallucinations of a disordered brain. There is reason to believe, that these are very common in fevers, and in some other forms of disease, and that they sometimes occasion great suffering, which might be wholly relieved, or greatly mitigated, were both the patient and the attendants acquainted beforehand with such phenomena. It is greatly to be desired, that the operations of the mind, both in its normal and its disordered states, should be more thoroughly and generally studied than they have been. The happy influence of this, both in sickness and in health, will be distinctly seen when the subject is better understood. It is a happy omen, that obstacles to the study are dimin- ished, and works on the mind are beginning to attract atten- tion in schools and academies, and in the family circle ; and, that successful efforts have been made to present the subject in a manner to bo studied and understood by the 4 The "Youth's Book on the Mind"'* is now studied with deep interest in common schools, and can be profitably introduced universally to the more advanced classes of our common schools, and prepare youthful minds to enter upon more extensive and difficult works at an early period. It may be studied with profit in every family. The more extensive works of Professor Uphamf are. be- coming deservedly popular in high schools, academies and colleges, and his treatise on "Disordered Mental Ac- tion," % ought to be as extensively known. Indeed, it ought to be thoroughly studied by all who are in danger of being sick, or liable to be entrusted with the care of the sick. Readers of The New Englander [| will thank President Hitchcock for a very interesting description of his own ex- perience of optical illusions in sickness, and they will find instruction in the effort of Prof. Fiske, to explain the same on philosophical principles, whether they adopt all his con- clusions or not. The letters in this volume were written as they purport to have been, and at the place and dates they bear, while the writer was recovering from sickness. They were written not for publication, but as a means of employment to the mind, which would be constantly active in some way, although the body was too weak to endure much action. They were seitt to a di.-tant, anxious wife, as a means of beguiling the time of our separation, and giving her a dis- tinct view of the phenomena, described while they were fresh in the memory. They are now given to the public, in accordance with wishes frequently expressed by those who sympathised with * Published by William Hyde, Portland. Embracing an out- line view of the three departments —the Intellect, Sensibilities, and Will. t Elements of Mental Philosophy, in three vols. Vol. 1, The Intellect; II, The Sensibilities ; III, The Will. JN. York, Har. per &- Brothers. t By Harper &. Brothers. || New Englander for April, ld4rv : rhe writer in sickness, or who have since learned something of the hallucinations here described. They are given with very slight revisions of the manuscript, and will not, per- haps, endure a severe criticism as to style, any Letter than the feeble frame which penned them, would then bear rough handling. But the writer has chosen to leave the letters essentially as first written, rather than re-write with a view to more elegance of composition. It is hoped these descriptions may be of some service, to those who may read them, if they shall ever experience similar illusions, and that they may aid those who have care of the sick in understanding and properly treating the case of patients visited by similar spectres. The writer is deeply indebted to a previous acquaintance with works on Mental Philosophy, and previous observa- tion and analysis of mental illusions. Without this know- ledge some of the spectres would have been distressingly annoying, whereas with it they were easily disarmed or controlled, and in most cases were exceedingly amusing. THE AUTHOR. May 24, 1845. LETTER I. Preble St. House, Portland, Jan. 29, 1845. My Dear Wife :—It is three weeks to-day since we parted, and what scenes have passed in this brief period ! I have been on the borders of the grave, and you have experienced anguish such as has ne- ver been your lot before in the more than twelve years of our married life. I can believe you when you say " The bitterest grief of all has come ; that you should be sick and I not able to come to you." And again '• It may be that I may be called to bear the only trial which seems past endurance * * * You know better what I am suffering than I can tell you, and you know that God has given me a strong heart, but this suspense is racking. O If you were but at home so I could nurse you, or at least pray with you ! But it cannot be—we have learn- ed to submit, let us do so now." Yes, I can understand you when you write thus. A strong heart and a true one gives utterance to its swellings in truthful words which a husband can well understand when recovering from sickness so 8 sudden and severe as mine has been '.Thank God the pressure of disease is removed and I feci that I am rapidly recovering. I can now understand how my first letter should have given a heavy blow after the days of suspense in which you expected my return. Yet when I wrote it I strpposed it was a very sensible letter, and one that would relieve you? anxiety. The truth is I was half insane—reeling under the second, or pleuritie attack of my disease ; and the letter was a desperate effort to relieve you of anxiety and bring S. to my help. But I trust the last mail has carried you evidence of returning health which will lift " the black cloud" you speak of and bring sun- shine to your heart. My Physician encourges me in the hope of riding out to-morrow, and thinks if very careful, and if no accident occur, I may ride home in a week from that time. I sometimes feel a ittle impatient at so long delay, but have assured the Dr. I shall wait for hispass-uwd. I am strong- ly inclined to fill up this time, in part, in writing you a description of my sickness, and of the Spec- tral - Visitants, of which I gave a hint in on® of my letters. Some of those visitoa's will amuse you if I can succeed in describing- them. I believe the premonitory symptoms of disease were upon me before' I left home ; and during the remainder of the week there were frequent sensa- tions unusual with me. I had a capricious morbid appetite ; and an indescribable heaviness, and an indecision, which I could not shake off. I had sev- eral items of business which I found it exceedingly difficult to summons, resolution to attend to.. Sev- 9 nal c.tt«'inpt,s to purchase a cooking stove all proved failures ; although the most favorable terms and conditions were offered. Finding I should not fin- ish my business till late on Saturday, I sought and secured an exchange for the Sabbath in the parish in Falmouth, where we had lived for a time ; and where you had enjoyed life so well. On Thursday evening I attended the Installation of Officers in the Ancient Brothers Lodge, and on Saturday evening, in the Ligonia Lodge, in both of which I was courteously invited to officiate as Chap- lain. Friday evening I spent with the YVashing- tonians, in the City Hall : and addressed them, by request. After the Installation on Saturday even- ing, which closed a little before 9 o'clock, I came to this house where I had put up, found my horse in readiness as [ had directed, and started for Fal- mouth as the bell was ringin«-, having engaged to reach there by ten o'clock. The lodge room was warm and comfortable, and the services delightful, the Grand Master, Rev. James Pratt officiating. I think I had unusual enjoyment in the devotional services, and the solemn, breathless stillness, during prayers was very impressive. But there was a sense of weariness and a dull pain in my side and back, which made it hard to sit up-right. In riding to Falmouth, I found the night air chilling, although it way not a very cold night, and unfortunately, as it was dark, I missed the road, and strayed away cu to the Plain road. I could not see the track, the "pony" tumbled me with efforts to call at the hou- ses, sj thai I came ir.-ar being thrown out, more than r>Y\rr, 10 When I arrived it was five minutes past ten o'clock ; and my .feet and hands were suffering with cold. I could not unharness till I had warmed, and found relief from this suffering. After thoroughly bathing my feet, and taking warm drink, J retired in a warm bed and was soon lost in sleep. But a- bout midnight I woke in great distress in my side and back, and with a strange diziness in my head. I at first resolved to rise immediately, and let my sufferings be known, but then I remembered that there was no man who could go for a physician, and I feared the chill of the night air if I left a warm bed. I also doubted my ability to put on my clothes and go down stairs, and find the way to the sitting room. So I tossed and groaned and sought relief in vain, till five o'clock. My breathing had become groaning, and gasping ; and every respira- tion seemed like driving a sharp knife through my body. I knew I must get relief or die. With a desperate ejfort I -dressed and went down stairs, I knew not how. The cold air of the house increased the difficulty so that for a time it seemed as if every breath must be the last. Mrs, G. was suddenly roused by my groans, and arose and kindled a fire so that my breathing was slightly relieved. I then called for cold water and drank two tumblers which had stood in the pail and was nearly frozen. She went to the nearest house and sent a man for Dr. S. During her absence I found the water and drank some four tumblers more. This checked my raging thirst, and relieved my breathing greatly ; and soon the pain subsided, so that when the Dr. arrived, scarcely any remained. He was anxious to take 11 blood, but I desired delay. I was not reconciled to being sick away from home, and I felt afraid of the effect of bleeding on my intended journey, and also on my system. I did not think it necessary, after the pain was relieved, but consented to send for him, for that purpose, if the pain should return. I took from him an emetic and its effect was to re- lieve the stomach of a large amount of bilious mat- ter of a formidable character. In the P. M. I was so far relieved that I prevailed on friends as they returned from meeting to harness my horse and suffer me to go into Portland. This was opposed with great earnestness, and I suppose they thought me insane to attempt it. But my reasons were co- gent. I desired if possible to go home next day.— If this could not be, I wished to write home. If I must be sick away from home, I greatly desired to be in the midst of brethren of the order which I al- ready regarded with interest. I reached this place without serious injury, and immediately sent for Bro. R. to counsel me as to a Physcian. But I must close this letter here abruptly. Your Affectionate Husband. Vi LETTER II. Preble St. House Jan. .30, 1845. My Dear S.—You will remember this as my birth day, completing my fortieth year. You have heard me sometimes express a sort of presentiment that I should not see forty years. This feeling pro- bably had no more substantial basis than that my father died at 38, and the fact that so many broth- ers and sisters have fallen around me. But here I am, after a severe attack, passing the day which closes two score years, with fine prospects of recov- ery, and of permanent health. I left the narrative of my sickness at the point of my return to this city. I was now in the care of Odd Fellows and soon found by my side Dr. G. a Physician, whose views of my case seemed just and reasonable, and in whom, from the first, I had implicit confidence. He is the nephew I believe of a late Governor in New Hampshire, of the same name, and has had a first rate medical education. Then his sagacity, and penetration ; his clear eye, looking right through ones difficulties, and his cool persevering decision in directing his remedies—the most simple that will answer—right to the point, and stopping short when the point is gained. All these qualities have commanded my admiration and won my heart. I verily believe that the entire confidence I reposed in him, has had great influence in securing the results his prescrip- tions were designed to reach. On Sabbath evening I think he ordered nothing but hot bathing of the 13 feet, with a generous portion of mustard in the wa- ter, and a free use of not lemonade as a drink. The brethren desired I would have watchers but I thought it needless ; and I do dot think I suffered in conse- i luence. I think it very certain that one event oc- curred that night which might have been interfered with, had watchers been present. I mean a solemn review of the past, and a careful survey of my pres- ent position, and prospects. I saw by the Dr's. manner that he viewed me as in a critical,yet hope- ful situation ; and learned that his plan of treat- ment would delay my return at least one or two days. I knew you would expect me Monday with- out fail, and would be very anxious. I supposed 1 could send no word which would reach you till it should go by Tuesday's mail. I felt that my case was critical—that a slight cause would prostrate me. I was not sure but my ride from F. had been seriously injurious, although I had suffered nothing till after 1 had been in the house for sometime—and then it was but a slight difficulty of breathing and pain in my side, which the hot bathing had nearly removed. As I lay upon my bed my mind seemed instinct- ively drawn to such a review as I have mentioned above. It required a great effort to follow the im- pulse of my feelings referred to. I was very weak and my head seemed heavy and oppressed. I could not but reflect how desparate would be my case, now if 1 were "without hope.*' I had freedom in prayer and some delight in it—and what was more important, I obtained at length great strength and support in going through the scrutiny which seemed to be demanded. 14 I thought first upon my ministry ; and there were some recollections very pleasant—I could see some fruit and rejoice in it: but still much of it looked dark and barren. I felt some desire to be restored to my pulpit again ; hoping I might -preach better. The impenitence of numbers of the young people of my Congregation hung heavy on my heart, and the tears flowed freely, as I thought perhaps my want of fidelity may be the cause of their ruin. I plead for mercy in view of the defects and imperfections of my ministry, and for my young friends who for two years had attended upon it with no saving bene- fit. The answer to prayer seemed only " God will do right." And this was enough. I then reviewed my relations to my family. I seemed to look in upon you all as in a quiet afternoon, but you could not see me;—and, as yet, knew not of my sickness. The boys were busy with books and play. The little twins were sitting on the floor and you were sewing, and rocking little Charlies cradle, with your foot. The rest of the family were busy about the house, so I did not notice them. All at once, the little twins seemed to see me and Agnes, in her arch way, sung out, " tate tare these," " see there," Marion lifted up her hands with that quiet imploring look which asked me to take her up; and her sweet voice thrilled through me as she said, "eh, eh, eh." But I could not get to them.—I seemed fettered, and my heart ached. The burn- ing questions came home to me, as the sternest reali- ty, "Can you leave this little group? Can you trust them to the Providence of God, in a world of sin? Can you believe that the widow's God will 15 sustain that mother and those helpless ones?" My heart faltered a little time, but then firmly answer- ed, "Yes, I can." I will—Father I leave them in thy care. Then I seemed to see how you would be provided for. I saw that S. and M. would stand by you so long as you needed them. I thought with their help, you would be able to open a school which would yield some support, while educating the children. Or else you would have some board- ers. I saw that the members of the church and so- ciety, would be kind to you, and I knew the Odd Fellows would not let you suffer. I saw clearly that if the little band at H. were to be unable to provide for you as they would desire, here were scores of strong hearts that would be open to your necessities. I was content: and felt perfectly at rest. I thought on my pecuniary embarrasments, and felt as if the strongest desire of my heart, on this subject, was to be frustrated. I should not live to pay the last debt. But I did not feel condemned or reproach myself with intentional wrong, either in contracting the debts, or in my inability to pay them. I thought of the man who had deprived me of the power to pay these, and stripped from me, by sheer fraud, more than four thousand dollars, which was more than six times the amount of all my debts. But I could forgive him, and say, Father forgive him, he knows not what he has done. My heart bled for him, in view of what seemed to be the re- tribution awaiting him, even in this life, for pecuni- ary transactions like that, which had prostrated me and my dependent family. 16 1 )hought of your severe sickness ; and felt as if I had never been able to sympathize with you as I could now, having never been sick myself. It seem- ed to me that if I should be well again, I could do better in these matters. As to my prospects, if call- ed to die, I could say little for them, save that my trust in God was strong and unwavering. I had no rapturous anticipations—no certain evidence that I should be permitted to dwell with God. But I had an overwhelming sense of the justice, goodness, and Glory of God, which made me keep whispering, God will do right.—He will do just right. I close again in haste, Your Affectionate Husband. LETTER III. Preble St. House, Jan., 31, 1S4\ My Dear S.—My sheet was full yesterday, be- fore I thought to tell you that I rode out, and breath- ed the free, bracing air ; and felt it thrilling through my whole system. I also went down stairs to break- fast and dinner. I have also taken breakfast below this morning, and am gaining strength rapidly. I enjoyed, last evening, pleasant visits from three of our H. friends. One of them Bro. G. has promised to call and tell you that he has seen me, which I suppose will be some satisfaction : although, at his first call, I was rather stupid from weariness • it be- ing one part of my system to gain strength by talk- ing myself to weariness every day. 17 »ly last letter closed with a review which occur- red on Sabbath night, and which has left my mind in a very peaceful state ever since. It also left me in a state to secure a tolerable share of quiet sleep that night, so that on Monday, I rose quite bright, yet with considerable fever upon me. It being ne- cessary to secure an effective operation of physic, Dr. G. prescribed accordingly, and with complete success fso that my fever was considerably reduced. 5 felt at night that watchers would be needless, and prevailed on the brethren to dispense with them again and leave me alone. The night passed quietly and on Tuesday morning my symptoms were bet- ter ; so that the Dr. gave me encouragement, that if I would keep quiet through the day, I might pos- sibly ride a little way towards home on Wednesday. should no reverse occur, and should the day be very pleasant. But there was still upon me a good deal of fever, notwithstanding the great relief I had ex- perienced. I can now see that my mind was reel- ing, and I unwittingly committed a serious fault. Intent on going home next day, I forgot, almost im- mediately, the condition prescribed by Dr. G. of keeping quiet through the day; and I reasoned somewhat plausibly from the premises which I re- tained into the conclusion that it was proper for me to walk out. The reasoning was on this wise : If I can ride a considerable distance towards H. tomor- row, it is surely safe to walk out a little time to-day: and especially as I need additional flannels for my journey. So being pretty much at my own dispo- sal. I wrapped up with some care, borrowed a cane at the office, and went out. and made several calls, 18 purchased flannels, and spoke for a piece of plank or board to heat for our feet, as I was to have a companion. I was out as I supposed but a short time, and thought I felt much better for it; although it was very annoying to have people stare at me with such anxious, earnest gaze, as if I were doing some strange thing. The entreaties and remon- strances of Mr. F. and his family, also made me feel unpleasantly, yet I persevered and went out, even a second time, and I am told that I walked down to the Post Office, but of this I have no recollection.— Nor dare I depend upon memory as to the length of time, of these excursions. My impression has been, that one was about ten minutes and the other, about fifteen. I am told that I was out an hour at one time. It was a very cold raw day, and had I not been beside myself, I should have known that it was very wrong to go out thus. But as it was, I thought I felt better, and should be better prepared to go to H. next day. My friends, I afterwards v learned, felt far otherwise. One Brother said he would rather have given fifty dollars than to see me coming into his store. I suppose my letter to Bro. B. reached H. that evening, but I have no recollec- tion of its contents. I believe I was more nearly in- sane, or more insane that evening than I had been, yet this was not discovered, and I remained still without watchers, notwithstanding the wishes of my brethren. A boy brought in two pieces of board which we were to put at our feet next day, and I recollect putting them near the stove to heat, and of thus filling the room with smoke. I rose from sleep nearly suffocated, and I then put them on top of the 19 ^vo—it being an air tight with a high border.— Here again they filled the room with smoke, and again woke me, to find the room excessively heated. I then placed them back near their old position, be- hind the stove. I recollect going to open the door, and ventilated the room three times, in the course of the night; and of suffering veiy much from ex- tremes of heat and cold. I now feel sure that I must have heated the stove red hot, more than once, otherwise I could not have burnt the boards as their appearance shows. I suffered much in the course of the night, and in the morning was in a very miserable condition. I knew that a new attack was upon me, and that I was in a worse condition than before. Yet I rose in the morning burning with fever, and a severe pain in my side. I saw it snowing furiously, but I put on two pairs of flannels and drawers, called for, and settled by bill, and put myself in readiness to start before the Dr. came. Yet I felt that it would be only going home to die, or starting to die on the way, and when the Dr. came, I was quite ready to yield the point, lay aside my extra clothing, and take my bed. I do not know the time of day when he called, but I recollect that before noon Niss F. came and offered to take care of me, and I gladly accep- ted the offer. I believe I had previously consulted the Dr. about sending for S. and he strongly recom- mended it. I think the letter I sent you must have been written in the P. M. and I sent for Mr. M. the driver, to come and see me, so as to be sure of see- ing S. by the next stage. I think it was in the even- ing call that Dr. G. having learned that I walked 20 out the day before, questioned me in regard to it and seemed to feel much grieved, and as though I had done very wrong. As I can now view the case I do not wonder at this. It was indeed treating him very rudely, but I thought nothing of it at the time, and supposed I was doing right. I did not think the walking out had injured me, and I still feel sure that the injury I received in the night, was far more serious than that I recieved by going out during the day. I believe it was on Wednesday that he first ordered a mustard poultice upon my side, which had become very'painful. My cough was extremely annoying, and the mucus which was thrown off freely, was highly colored and very of- fensive. Still the lungs were not affected, but my apprehensions were quite serious, that the disease might soon attack my lungs or brain, and in either case, I felt that the result might be fatal. I have been in the habit of tasking both so severely, that I supposed I must meet a heavy penalty in case of disease in either. On Wednesday evening I was quite content to have watchers, and Bro. M. of the H. L. and another Br. were with me through the night. t I have already brought the journal of my sickness beyond the time of the commencement of my spec- tral visitants, and it will be more simple and intel- ligible, if I continue the narrative down to the crisis of my fever, and the commencement of my recovery. I can then group the visitors into a more definite and distinct view. But my sheet is full. I have only time to say that I rose at six this morning, and did not lie down till near four P. M. Rode out and 21 made culh—Dined at Bro. C'n. and was absent from half past eleven, till half past three. Your Affectionate Husband. LET T ER 1 V . Preble St. House, Feb. 1, 1845. My Dear S.—Your letter is received, and like all from the same source has been read three or four times, and with increasing interest. I regret to learn that your own health improves so little, but perhaps we could not rationally expect it to be otherwise, under the pressure of such anxiety as has been upon you of late. I long to return and have strength to relieve you of some part of the load of care which you cannot easily shake off in my absence. We will hope that Dr. G's. prescriptions will meet your necessities, and that soon we may meet with renew- ed vigor, and increasing faith, to pursue life's jour- ney with a firmer step than ever. My letter of yesterday brought down the thread of my disease to Wednesday evening, January 15. How much allowance must be made in that narra- tive, and in the three or four days following, on the ■core of disordered mental action, and impaired memory, I will not say. I write in accordance with my recollections, having daily recorded incidents after S. came to aid me. My spectral visitants com- menced on Tuesday evening, and continued every 22 evening till the crisis of my disease, on Sabbath evening the 19th. But these I omit, till we have traced the progress of disease to that point. The disease was iioav Pleuretis. The pain and inflamma- tion in my side was becoming more and more for- midable. The mucus membrane was also much inflamed, the mucus being streaked with blood, and otherwise highly colored. The fever still con- tinued with considerable violence, my cough very distressing, and no permanent relief gained by mild- er means, on Thursday evening about nine o'clock, Dr. G. resorted to the Lancet, and with some diffi- culty took from me a considerable quantity of blood. A sensible relief in some respects followed this.— The pressure and haziness of my head were less. My cough and breathing did not distress my side quite so severely. The attention given me by night, and by day, was now of the most thorough and effective kind. Two good brethren of the Order, were by my side every night, acting out with the feelings of a broth- er, the principles of Odd Fellowship, as applied to the care of the sick. Every thing necessary for my comfort and well-being was sent in to me, from various quarters. By day Miss F. did everything which could be done, supplying a lack of experi- ence by a tact and skill, which few could so well exhibit. Through the day on Friday, the disease continued with only slight and temporary checks in those features I can most distinctly recollect. My side having been pretty "thorougly irritated with mustard, was crowned with a blister. The annoy- ance of this upon the surface was almost equal to 23 the pain within, and 1 sometimes fancied there was a sort of contest between the two, to see which should be most successful in securing my attention, and trying my patience. At evening S. arrived bringing your letter,7 and warm sympathies, and warm flannels. I believe I cried for joy, for I had become a mere child, and when I had fairly en- wrapped myself in the flannel dress, it seemed as if my prospects of recovery were greatly increased. I recollected you had two or three times recovered in it from severe sickness, and it became to me at once a sort of talisman. Then I had such unbounded confidence in sisters skill in nursing me that I al- most fancied I had begun to get well. The blister was dressed in the evening, and in the morning was found well filled. I have little recollection of the day on Saturday, except of the unwearied and cheer- ful exertions of S. while I could not help discover- ing that her heart was heavy, and her fears great. I remember too having numerous calls from breth- ren of the Order, and from personal friends, among whom were four ministering brethren. Bro. D. had been in to see me previously. I remember how very soothing was the voice of Prayer, leaving ajsweet refreshing sensation long after the brethren left me. Yet I was so weak in body and mind, that I seem- ed incapable of following them, except as I took fast hold of their hands. I never before conceived what power there is in prayer, in certain stages of disease ; although I have often noticed very visible effects when officiating by the bed of the sick. The reading of the Scriptures too by my watchers, was very soothing. I was generally able to designate 24 chapters 1 desired read, and it seeiried to me that those passages were never half so lovely and im- pressive before. My sickness seemed a vivid com- mentary or expositor, which made the simplest pas* sages radiant with light, and full of power and sweetness. On the Sabbath my disease was less violent, and my mind in a state to appreciate the day in some degree. I had numerous visitors, and among them Brs. D. at noon, and C. at evening. 1 had a strong conviction that my case was mentioned, and prayers offered in each of the Congregational Societies in the city, and also in the beloved church in H.; and I knew very well that in my own fami- ly there was such prayer, as none but a Wife and Mother can offer. During the day I seemed to be getting strength of faith, that some good would come of all this. Then the prayers of the ministering, and one or two lay brethren by my side, where I could grasp their hands, seemed full of encouragement.— This feeling was peculiarly strong about sunset, when Bro. C. visited me, and gave meto understand that prayer had been offered for me in the congre- gation. He gave me some ideas of a sermon from 1st John 3: 2. which he had preached that after- noon to Mr. D's people, as they had exchanged.— This at once revived some previous thoughts upon the passage which I had enjoyed, having preached extempore upon it several times, in different parts of the State. After he left, in the dusk of evening, as Bro. M. was sitting by me, I fell into a sort of reverie, and a scene of transcendent loveliness and beauty passed before me, producing intense emotion and enjoyment. I reserve any description of the 25 scene to the closing up of my spectral visitants. It is sufficient to say here that this scene seemed to stand in immediate connection with the crisis of my disease. When I returned from the fancied excur- sion, it was with a degree of mental energy and self- possession, I had not before experienced since the be- ginning of my sickness. I could then see that I had from the first been laboring under strong mental ex- citement, and more or less of disordered mental action. I felt that the violence of disease was now broken, and that I should again recover. I was then conscious of my weakness. Up to this time the excite- ment of fever, and of my mind had given me a sort of forced and unnatural strength. Now I felt great weakness of body, and yet great strength of faith. I thought I understood what Paul meant when he said, '• When 1 am weak, then am I strong." " His strength is made perfect in my weakness." I was happy—happy for your sake and the children. I knew that my escape had been narrow indeed, and I felt that deliverance had come in answer to prayer. From that hour my recovery has been rapid—won- derfully so. The hand of God is in it, and 1 hope to join you soon to speak of his goodness. Your Affectionate HlS3AND. LETTER V. Preble St. House, Feb., 2, 1845. My Dear S.—It is the holy Sabbath. Its still- ness is very little disturbed by secular movements, and it seems indeed a day of rest. I do pot propose 36 to continue the journal of my sickness, or to med- dle with those spectres, of which I have bid you to expect a description. I reserve all these for another day. But I can hardly l'efrain from writing you a few reflections which crowd upon me, and which I have no disposition to restrain. One is the sur- prising change in my health, and the progress of recovery since the period where my last letter closed. Two weeks ago to-day the fever was still upon me, and till evening my mind in some degree reeled and staggered under a load I could not, easily throw off, or sustain. Now I seem to have no disease, I enjoy food, and find strength greatly increased. Then it was with trembling limbs and faltering step I could go from my bed to a chair, with one to steady and sustain me. Now I walk with a firm rapid step. 1 went yesterday to the P. O. and made several calls. Then I could sit up but a short time in a day ; now I rise at six, and scarcely lie down till eight or nine in the evening. Then I could follow a minis- tering brother in a short prayer, only by grasping his hand firmly. To-day I have been to church, and listened to the ordinary morning services, though it must be confessed, with some weariness of body and drowsy dullness of mind. Yet I enjoyed it so much as to determine on another trial this P. M.— No other effort yet seems so easy to me as writing; perhaps because in no other effort does the affection and sympathy of wife and children come so fully to my aid. Another thought which fills me with wonder and gratitude, is that with all this disease and exposure my brain and lungs have been spared. I felt this even 27 in the most hazy periods of my sickness, as I have before stated. It seemed to me certain that if eith- er my lungs or brain, should be attacked, my case must be hopeless. I have used and tasked both so severely, that I could expect no release if either should be seriously inflamed. I can but adore a merciful Providence that shielded and sustained me, and spared to me these important organs. I would hope for farther use of them in his service ; whether with more fidelity or more prudence than before, re- mains to be seen. Another pleasant thought is the wonderful care and skill, with which my disease has been treated. It seems to me as if there were hardly another phy- sician living, who could have done for me what Dr. G. has done, and stop just at the right place. Then too, you know that while your hands are tied, no one else could take care of me like S. So care- ful—constant—efficient—safe—gentle. Every thing was done right. My watchers also, seemed to be selected with special reference to my case. They came in at the right time, prepared to do just what v/as needed, and with the kindness and affection of Brothers, giving us no care, or anxious feelings in selecting and securing them, and no solicitude about their fidelity. This feature of Odd Fellowship is most admirable. It calls out and disciplines the body of its members for service at the bed side of sickness. It brings them there to illustrate the prin- ciples of Friendship, Love and Truth, and there is a charm in the development of fraternal feelings. among those of all trades, professions, parties and 29 denominations, in a way to exert a most soothing and salutary influence upon the spirit of a sick man, It is a great thing in sickness to be free from all care and anxiety, and to feel that all will be well. Sabbath Evening.—The twilight is again here— the still sacred twilight of a day of rest. I have re- turned from the afternoon service to muse and won- der and adore. For three Sabbaths in succession I have been kept from the sanctuary by disease, an occurrence which has not taken place before for twenty-five years. For thirteen years, I have scarce- ly been prevented from preaching for a single Sab- bath. The privation I trust will be profitable. It does help me to value the privileges of the sanctuary as I could not value them before. The day has been peculiarly interesting. Although we divided the day between two churches, the same voice proclaim- ed the gospel in both, and it was the same that two weeks ago about this hour, in soothing accents of conversation and prayer, was instrumental in pre- paring my mind for the revery to .which I have alluded, and which stands closely connected with the crisis of my disease, and the commencement of recovery. That voice will ever be dear to me on account of the delightful associations connected with that event. The text in the morning was Ecc. -8 : 11. "Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore, the heart of the sons of me is fully set in them to do evil." It was a faith- ful sermon, fitted to probe the heart and conscience. kindly, and thoroughly. In the P. M. the sermon was based upon the 29 declaration in 1st Peter, 2:7. " Unto you therefore which believe he is precious." The discussion of the subject was worthy of the text, and of the occa- sion. It was a communion season, and after the sermon we were privileged to celebrate his love, and enjoy his preciousness in the memorials of our ford. which are fitter! to keep us in remembrance of him. My heart straggled with emotions which sought ut- terance, as Bro. C. invited me to take part in the ad- ministration of the Supper, but I felt that I ought not in so much weakness, to attempt to speak. I need not say that I very much desire to occupy again my own pulpit, and preach of Christ more earnestly than I have done. It seems to me as if I could preach better for this sickness. I am very sure that many parts of the Bible read to me by watchers never seemed so full of light and truth, and glo- ry before, as since; and during my sickness.— Never did I have a more full and satisfactory evi- dence of the truth and stability of the evangelical system of doctrine in distinction from every system which opposes it. The doctrines of revealed religion, as unfolded by the puritan fathers, and held by orthodox congre- gationalists, I believe will stand the test and scruti- ny which they must pass, and it is certain that the soul can rest its hopes upon them with great com- posure in the hour of trial, when heart and flesh are failing. It has been a matter of surprise and joy to me, that, in the severest stages of my sickness, when mv mind was in its most excited and bewildered 30 state, at the very time when spectral appearances were occurring every evening, with the exception of one or two nights the Bible should have had such power over me. I could hear two or three chapters read in succession by the watchers withont weariness, and every chapter and verse seemed per- vaded with heavenly light and comfort. I could scarcely refrain from following up the reading with a running comment, or preaching a sermon on each verse. I must say one word also as to the power of music. Two sisters of Col. F. have very sweet voices, and they would occasionaly come in and sing some gentle airs with soft soothing tones which thrilled through and through me. Even at times. when it was necessary to exclude company almost wholly, their music was to me a perfect spell, and its happy effect would linger with me long after they had ceased. My sheet is full, and I have only to write, Your affectionate Husband. LETTER VI. Preble St. House, Feb. 3. 1845. My Dear S.—The sweet light of another morn- ing finds me wakeful and ready to greet it. My rest last night was unusually quiet, refreshing, and almost uninterrupted. No injury was received by going out to'church, and a sweet savor of the servi- ces of the sanctuary remains with me still. I have strong hopes of securing the Dr.'s "Travelling pats word," so as to leave here for home to-morrow, but I shall be entirely reconciled to his decision. This 31 chamber has fur me, precious charms, which the recollections of my sufferings here has no power to destroy. I have had joys and discoveries here, which I might well consent to purchase, at almost any expense of suffering. Still home — "sweet home," sends in a plea to my heart that urges me in that direction, with a force I cannot describe; but, while detained, I will continue to write you, and it is now time to introduce you to my spectres. In the narrative of my sickness you will readily see that some stages of it were well fitted to invite such visitors. I esteem it a great favor that I had stud- ied such phenomena in books on Philosophy. The lessons we have learned together on these subjects from Rush, Abercrombie, and more particularly the works of Prof. Upham, enabled me to get along with these visitors, and entertain them as I could not have done otherwise. I knew how to manage them, and thus was saved from a great deal of di tress. Indeed, they often gave me great amusement, when, if I had been ignorant of their nature, they would have driven me nearly or quite frantic. En- thusiastic as I have been in reference to the study of Mental Philosephy, I never felt its value so deep- ly, as in this sickness. I never felt so much grati- tude for having been permitted to prepare a book on the mind for the young, and thus attempting to bring the study of Mental Philosophy in a systemat- ic form in our common schools. When a second edition is called for, I shall desire to add a chapter on disordered mental action, and apparitions. You recollect that some four or five causes of apparit- 32 ions and spectral illusions are mentioned in the va- rious works we have read. Neglect of letting blood where persons had formed the habit of being bled periodically, is one of those causes. Another is in- flammation cm the brain. Another, fever, or a high state of febrile action. Another, high excitement of the nervous system. Another still, the effect of opium. Doubtless, in many cases, two or more of these causes may be combined. I am "inclined to believe that the chief cause of them in my case, was fever. Perhaps the slight quantity of opium in the powders I was taking, may have contributed their share, acting upon my highly strung nervous and sanguine temperament. I do not think any of the other causes had much to do with them. My brain was not inflamed, although somewhat excited — I have never been in the habit of periodical blood-letting, and it is certain that bleeding did not destroy the spectral visits, although I believe thit were a little shorter, and less vividly defined after that. My nervous system was doubtless much ex- cited, but I believe it was generally under a pretty firm and steady control of my will -when awake. It is also certain that the spectres disappeared with the breaking up of my fever on Sabbath evening. We are now prepared to be introduced to THE FIRST VISITORS. This group, I believe, came in on Tuesday eve- ning, not long after the twilight. Their position was near the window, at the foot of my bed, and pre- cisely where they must be effectually concealed from me by the high foot-board; but the foot-board, 33 you must know, presented no obstructions, for I could see through that