iff^p'ims and thkeemKhs
u
Uf THj!
, . NEW YORK. LUIATIG . ASYLttM,
I
'   AT UTICA;'
              • / •
TOGETHER WITH THE OCTLIKBS OF
TWENTY, YEARS' PEREGRINATIONS IN SYRACUSE.
   t MISS FHEBE B. DAVIS,
1-OEllERLT 0» BABNARD, \tafDSOR,,COBNTX, VERMONT.
". \ »* ,

    SYRACUSE:'.
PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR,"
       1855. '  ' '  • 
 
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS
IN THE
NEW YORK LUNATIC ASYLUM

          AT  UTICA
J
TOGETHER WITH THE OUTLINES OF
TWENTY YEARS' PEREGRINATIONS IN SYRACUSE,
   Br MISS PHEBE B. DAVIS,
FORMERLY OF BARNARD, WINDSOR'.COUNTY, VERMONT.

        A: ■      " "^



          '  -b:-■"•»'"'
       SYRACUSE:
   PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR.
          1855. 
 
t.
h>>^&     I/■ fitted
                                      Syracuse, Feb. 6, 1855.
  The bearer of this note—Miss Phebe Davis—has been an acquain-
tance of ours for the last fourteen years.
  Her character for a conscientious determination to do right, in all
circumstances, may be depended upon.
  Her health  is her apology for offering this book to the public;
she hopes that the  avails will give her the means of support.
  She  seems, also,  to have a strong  desire to benefit the condition
of those who have  been afflicted with her.
GROVE LAWRENCE,
THOS. A. SMITH,
O. R. STRONG,
JOS. F. SABINE,
H. BALDWIN,
MRS. GROVE LAWRENCE,
CHARLOTTE  E. L. SMITH,
X. B. SHIPMAN, M. D.
D. COATS,
M. D. BURNET,
B. D. NOXON
* 
* 
PREFACE.
  I was  an inmate of the  TJtica Lunatic Asylum
about two  years and  three  months, and I am sensi-
ble that  community in general are ignorant of the
manner in which that Institution is conducted. I do
not feel myself qualified to write an interesting work
upon the subject, but I design to give as correct infor-
mation as  possible in regard to the proceedings of
that  house.  This is a duty I owe to the world.  I
find that  community have no definite knowledge of
what occurs in that Asylum.
                                      P. B. D. 
 
NARRATIVE.
   I was born and brought up in the State of Vermont, Wind-
sor county, and town of Barnard, and emigrated to Syracuse
in 1834; and every scholar will  readily know that Vermont
young  ladies had an introduction to the kitchen before they
were  considered capable of filling any other sphere in life.
My days of childhood were occupied in going to a small dis-
trict school, and a portion of my time was devoted to the care
of domestic fowls, such as geese, goslings and chickens; and
also a  few yards of cloth, made of flax, received a little at-
tention  by the way of bleaching it on the grass by the brook.
We all found it necessary to apply ourselves to manual labor,
ftnd consequently we had much  less time to devote to super
ficial appearances  than  many who  think  themselves  more
highly  favored, simply  because  they can indulge in indolent
habits, much more so in the western world than in the eftstern
States.
   When I was a chill my father was able to make ample pro-
vision for his family, and his children knew nothing  of suffer-
ing, nor want, nor begging; but  we were  all brought up to
think  it was a sin to be idle, and when I was not otherwise
employed,  I  spent my time in exploring the soil I was born
and brought up on.  I was very happy in  examining the bowels
of old mother earth, for the purpose of ascertaining  what she
yielded  that would contribute to my benefit.   I was familiar
with every root, herb  and  bark  that the  farm yielded, and
their medicinal  qualities, and tag-alder   not excepted.   Mul
len and  burdock were  also on the  list.  My father had an
orchard  on the farm that was  five acres square, surrounded
by a single stone wall, which was made by my grandfather,
and I  thought it almost  an unpardonable sin to find a stone
off that wall  and not put it back again, because I was brought
up to venerate my grandfather  and respect all his deeds, and
they were worthy of respect from every one  who knew him. 
8
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 Nearly every tree in that orchard had a name, and the trees
 were  not exactly known by their fruit, but more by their
 names.   Each  cow had  a name, and each young one had a
 name; but I think there must have been a scarcity of names
 after supplying as numerous a family as we were.   And there
 are plenty of us, such  as we are, and we all took  just such
 heads as Deity had to spare when He created  us, and if He
 created them in  His own image, how can the  world  make a
 person responsible for the  crime of being created  honest,
 when  God created him, and we  all know that God was never
 guilty of a dishonest act in all His life 1   My father would be
 called  a  criminal  here in this mongrel state of society, for he
 is  an honest man, and always was, and I never took a lesson
 on  duplicity in my life until I took it  from- the fashionable
 society in Syracuse.  I  had no more knowledge of  what the
 world  calls high  life than a  cedar stump  or root, and I wish I
 was as ignorant of it now;  but I came here in  an unsophisti-
 cated state of mind, as  much so as the most of  children three
 years of age.
   My father  lost  his property, and I was  thrown upon my
 own resources, and being  spiced a little with  the  spirit of
 enterprise, I thought I would  emigrate as far west as Onondaga
 county, for I  believe  that I never before  had been out of the
 county that I was  born  and brought up in.  I had a few rela-
 tives in and about Syracuse, and I thought I had started out on
 a great enterprise; but all this time I had the mantua-making
 trade in view, and after spending a few months with my rela-
 tives, I succeeded in securing a situation in a shop superintended
 by Miss Susan Hough,  a very competent milliner and dress-
 maker,  and also a very respectable person.  I stopped with
 her fifteen months, and in that back shop I took my first les-
 sons in human  nature.   She seldom asked me to wait on the
 front shop, because my sewing was worth  more to her than
 the help of those who  could wait on the shop, and it was very
 seldom  that I got any exercise  except with my brain and fin-
 gers, and  my brain was  listening to the fashionable  chit-chat
 of the  first circle of Syracuse.  I  thought  that if I had got to
learn all of that fashionable lingo, I never should be anybody
in  the world, but that was what I started  for, and  I am very
much determined in my purposes.   I never liked to put my
hand to the plow and look back, and I persevere until I accom- 
           TnE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         9

plish all that I started for, and more if possible.   I have made
out  to find that it is circumstances that develop character, and
if that is  a law of nature, who is to  blame for the variety of
opinions?   The  eastern States were settled  mostly by the
English, and a long  time before New York State was acquain-
ted  with any inhabitants except the  Indians, and after awhile
the  Dutch  made their appearance;  but the eastern and wes-
tern States, being settled by different nations, afford a very dif-
ferent  state of  society.   There are but few foreigners in the
eastern States compared with what there are in the western
world.   There is more  of a sameness in society through the
eastern States than through the western ; and the phrenological
developments of the  eastern people are altogether  different
from the western heads.   Take them  as they rise, and their
natural feelings and characters are as different as their heads;
and  what I have seen is  enough to make out rather a hetero-
geneous  world so far.  If I could have had a foreknowledge
of things  and people, and the privilege of selecting my own
organization and  head with the rest, I  am sure that  I  should
have taken a very different set of bumps.  I should have rum-
maged  all  over for the  meanest  head that the Lord had on
hand, for such a head is far better  appreciated in a community
than a  person of superior qualities.  But we are only chips out
of the  great block of Nature.   Sometimes I think there was a
little lack of good taste on the part of Deity, being the author
of a  person just like myself; and it must be that He was a little
short of nerves about that time, and had to spin  my own ra-
ther  finer than usual.  I am not fond of such finery that is not
tangible.   It is worse than doing penance for some awful crime.
Who cares for it 1  No one.
  I was  crowded into this world without my consent, a pooi
miserable piece of original mechanism, and 1 am compelled to
stop here destitute of means of support and health, and my
nervous  system  destroyed  by  overdoing and ill-treatment
but the most of it has been done by premeditated evil.   If the
Syracuseans had been as much devoted to good as they have
been to evil, there  would have been  something left  of  me in
these days; but 1 presume they think  there is enough of rne
left yet, judging from the gossip that I afford  them; and it is
rather  a pleasure to know that I  am a personage capable of
affording  thirty thousand inhabitants  with gossiping topics; 
10           TWO  YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
they seem  to know that I am superior to  themselves, and I
know it too.   It is only their  superiors who call out these en-
vious feelings.  A tree that has good fruit  on it will be known
by the clubs under it.
  I hope the reader will excuse my egotism; but I consider it
a great misfortune for a female who is thrown upon her own
resources  to be  intellectual, for my misfortune has been my
crime.  A young gentleman in indigent  circumstances will
meet with far better encouragement in  the world than a young
lady, for men will always assist each other;  b\it it is not often
they will assist an intellectual woman; and if the ladies would
do as much for each other as they will  for the gentlemen, there
would not be so many abandoned females in the world as there
are at this present time, for 1  think that seven out of ten such
will tell the world that it was  the inhumanity of their own sex
that destroyed them.  They will always hate the women, and
I can very readily appreciate  the cause of  it from what they
have caused  me  to  suffer.   The sight of one  of the amiable
women in  Syracuse is perfectly disgusting to my eyes; but it
is a leading trait of character  of the American  ladies to back-
bite each other and slander all the law will allow them.  It ap-
pears  to be the strongest motive, as low as it is.  It has been
pell  mell  about myself in Syracuse  for  fifteen years.   I am
now on the upper shelf, and still think  of remaining there, the
women not having  exactly driven  me to  degradation,  as they
expected ;  and if I am a little impious, there are a great many
of the gentry who are more so.  I learned profanity from the
pulpits in  Syracuse, and I have a right  to use the same lan-
guage that the ministers do.   If there is any efficacy in strong
words, I  have much more use for them than the priests have.
They are a class of men who  know nothing of  the ills of life;
they speak, and lo! they are obeyed.   What do such men and
women know of the vicissitudes of life ?   They are only great
babies ; they will whine around the women with a little, small,
pious  dish of  conversation about  their souls, when it is not
more  than one in ten who has got such an article as a soul, or
ever  had or ever will have;  and what few there are who had
the good  luck  to draw a prize instead of  a blank, will gtrike
out a path fur  themselves independent of  priest-craft guide
boards.  Their agency costs  community  or the working class
quite  too much for the benefit of  society.   It  does not reall" 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        11

pay the cost vu these days.   I think that my soul has not half
as good a reputation in Heaven as it had  previous to my ac-
quaintance with so many of the ministers and fashionable wo-
men.   I think it proper to class them together, although there
are a few exceptions in both classses.  I wish to be just in every
respect.   The few friends who have been real friends for fit
teen years past were members of the Presbyterian  Church,
and during that time I have received more benefits from pro-
fessors of religion than from any other class of people in the
place; but they were of the most intelligent families that Syra-
cuse affords.   They are capable of appreciating my motives;
but they understood phrenology to start with ; they made that
their  starting point,  and by  their influence I became interested
in the science.  I  have made it my point of compass from that
time to this, or otherwise I should have gone to the shades long
ago.  In  my poverty I have made  it my study to select the
bright spots, and with the assistance of my  friends I have kept
my head  balanced after a fashion.   It appears that God favored
me in that respect, for O. S. Fowler made  me out a very well
balanced  head.   Although I am distinguished for my  ugliness,
Mr. Fowler did not discover the bad bumps until I  told him
 just how ugly I was; but I can find plenty of others who are
 ijuite as rabid as myself.  I know that my moral feelings are
rather perverted, but if the  morality had not been there, there
certainly  could not be a general  perversion of the moral or-
gans, for  it is very seldom that I see a low  moral head become
misanthropic.  Such a mind will  best relish what will soon
destroy a person who has a very high moral head.
   I take the liberty to speak for myself, for I wish this work
 fo have  an extensive circulation, and therefore I desire people
 to know  cause and effect.
   I was  born of intellectual parents, and the ministers and
 women are mad about it—I mean the majority of both classes;
 and the  greatr secret is, they cannot make their superficial re-
 ligion fit my skull.   The ministers have dropped me  long ago,
 but the women still continue to throw out their hot lava, with
 the assistance of Priest May.   I forgot him for a moment, but
 I understand that he is always ready to back and bolster the
 women  in their  discussions on  my case.   Mr. May, I think,
 must be of  Irish origin, for May is an  Irish name;  but fash-
 ionable  blarney is  not altogether confined to the Irish.  We 
12          TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

have  great, smooth-tongued folks in these days, who make use
of smooth language for vile purposes, and such people conceal
their  motives by adopting that course.   People are always
dupes to such men and women, except the  few, and the few
are a shooting mark for the many.  Corrupt  persons invaria-
bly envelope their  motives deeply in the present system of
education, and  that class of people have much more influence
yet  than one  honest person.  The whole civilized world has
become involved in iniquity under such influences.  The work
ing class overwork and underthink, and they do not take  time
to discriminate between fashionable language and philosophical
facts.  There is a broad difference between language and ideas.
The world must learn to do  their  own  thinking.   Folks in
general  do not live  deep enough.  Ministers can talk about
religion,  but I wish  I could see one who lived it.  If there were
as  many Christians in  this world as there are ministers, the
world would never  have been so  deeply steeped in iniquity as
it is at  this present time.   We have had theoretical religion,
but  practical religion has only a name left, and that is merely
used  as a by-word.   I do not want to call people ignoramuses,
but what shall I call them, except by their right name ?
   I am sensible that my own merits were few and far between
to start with; but to be honest, I think they have been rather
retrograding ever  since I came to Syracuse, and I have spent
the most of my time with fashionable professors of religion.  I
was principally employed  by that class of people, and at that
time, as  a good dress-maker was rather a scarce article, I was
not long out of employment.   I did not know anything of the
laws  of  health; and  at the end of five years after I reached
Syraouse, I found my physical system perfectly prostrated.   1
had   become melancholy and misanthropic.  Such a state of
things was new to  me,  and not only new, but the whole  state
of affairs was a mystery.   Previous to the melancholy  state
my brain had been quite too active;  and when a reaction took
place, then the mind was clouded in, and all was dark.   There
was   not  as much as  one bright spot left.   My temperament
is the nervous, and almost purely so.   I believe 1 was a little
spiced with the billious at first—but it is all worn out, and the
nervous is also worn threadbare.
   When  I first had the blues, I  thought  of John Bunyan's
Slough of Despond, and how to  get out was  the next thing. 
k
           THE NEW YORK Si ATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         13
 v

 " But  melancholy is the  telescope of truth,"  and 1  felt just
 like making a recluse of myself, and devoting my time to strain-
 ing out facts.   Where to begin, I knew not;  but I could not
 let the matter rest.   At length I made an effort to digest what
 little I had selected in Syracuse, and added what little I carried
 there  with it.   I looked it over, and  saw it was all nothing;
 but the strongest motive was to analyze the state of society.
 I  had a great  many  friends  in the  place, and they were all
 willing to  do everything they  could for me—but they were as
 ignorant of mind as myself.   I could see almost  into futurity,
 and I discovered  that sectarianism was not the  thing for me,
 nor no one else but the corrupt.  They were all very kind un-
 til they  discovered that I never was blocked out for a sectarian,
 for I had no motives to conceal.
   When  I  was obliged to trace the origin of  many of the
 ladies in Syracuse, I did not think it  strange that I should be-
 come  misanthropic under their influences; they are the kind
 who hate purity.   A pure-minded person is perfectly repulsive
 to the vicious, and  two such  persons suffer in  each other's so-
 ciety.   The  feelings of the two individuals repel each other, for
 there  is no  natural affinity in the individuals  for each other's
 society.  It is similarity of feeling that produces union.  That
 is a law of nature ; and when  I looked at society as it was then
 and as it is now, I thought I could not live in this world at all,
 for I had nothing but my clothes, and nothing to look  forward
 to but insanity.  It was an awful thought to know that it was
 hereditary, and a mountain of ideas  rushed upon my already
 over-exercised brain.   What  disposal to make of my case yet
 remained a  mystery.   To think of the  past was no consola-
 tion—the  present  was a  double aggravation,  and the future
 was as  doleful as a funeral procession.  The  pious folks said
 that I  was  under conviction, serious or supernatural, one or the
 other,  or both ; but  the name is nothing.   Facts are facts, in-
 dependent  of names, and  whatever delusion my feelings had
 selected  was reality to  me at that time.   Delusion will fasten
 upon  these nervous  diseases,  and there  is a very nice idea  in
 the arrangement that is worthy of note.   With such a person,
 or a  very  nervous  person, when the mind does  select a delu-
 sion, it is sure to aim at something that is calculated to make
 the person the most wretched of anything on earth.   This one
 fact I took  particular notice of  in the insane institution, and rcy 
14           TWO YEARS AND THREE MON.no IN

own experience and observation have  qualified me for a chari
table being in almost every respect, especially where tnere is a
predisposition to insanity in  a person's nature;  for I believe
that one lesson of personal experience  is wTorth fifty lessons in
theory or by observation of others.
  As far  as the human mind is concerned, and as far as my
experience is worth anything  to  the  mental sufferers in this
world, I am willing they should  have the  benefit of it, and I
hope  it will not be lost to them, for  there always have been
mental sufferers in the world who suffer from causes  that phy-
sicians in  general do not comprehend,  because it is not in their
natures to suffer in the same way, or from similar causes; and
my experience has told me  that no one can know what to do
for  or to  say to a  person whose feelings are affected, except
one of a similar nature.
  I should have been under the sod years ago if it had not been
for  two ladies in Syracuse;  but  their  sympathy has been the
sanative for fourteen years past.  The  inferior classes in the
place have called me crazy, and that has been rather an advan-
tage to me, for I can say just what I wish at any time to them.
I am sure to take them when it will  mortify them the most,
and in that way they are still in my presence, for I am  careful
to select such as they do not wish to hear, and they have the same
privilege;  but  they prefer to do their talking in my absence.
They call themselves  rational, and during my twenty years'
peregrinations in Syracuse, they cannot tell me of anything I
have done that I will attempt to deny.   I am perfectly willing
to acknowledge the crimes I have been guilty of committing
through all my insanity, for I profess to know my own business
as yet.  The fact is, we are all subject to circumstances, and are
crowded along  by the force of the same from one set to anoth-
er ; consequently we sometimes  do things that are or should
be  called  involuntary acts, and are done more from  necessity
than choice.  Organization and situation are before education.
1 did  not have the privilege of  selecting my organization; 1
did not choose my parentage ; neither  did I select my mother
feelings the first nine months of my existence ; nor did I choos6
the place  of my birth,  or assist in arranging the state of socie-
ty in which I was born.  I had no power to select my educa
tion, and I had no control over circumstances before my birth;
neither have I ever had the power to control circumstances that 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         15

have made me what I am.  They have dabbled with me about
what they call  religion until they are obliged to flat on their
own theory, and  acknowledge  that I am not crazy, nor never
was during the warfare, for they all  begin  to  see there is no
philosophy in priest-craft.
  The different sciences are gradually taking place of sectarian-
ism.  The knowledge of God will cover the earth yet, for His
work will stand; but the work of man will come to naught.
The most heads are so full of  rubbish that they hardly know
where to begin themselves. Scientific knowledge is a progress-
ive work of time — sectarianism is  the governing influence,
because it is the strongest.
  I  believe that religion has governed the politics of all  coun-
tries so far ; but look at the consequences.   There are only the
few who notice  results.   A person of exalted pursuits is ever
the theme of  censure or of praise.   It is in such persons that
the nature of the human mind is exhibited.
   Some  close observer has said that no  one has so good a
right to speak of the faults of society as those who have suf-
fered by them ;  and of course  I have paid dear for my license
to deal out facts.  I think that I am entitled to a  legal grant
to  indulge in them after this.  The grant  was given me as a
voluntary act  by the amiables of Syracuse, and they should
not  give me anything that 1 cannot make useful.   We should
first observe facts, then  compare them, and perhaps we may
discover causes; for every philosophical mind will readily ad-
mit that evils must be prevented in their causes, and not pallia-
ted in their effects.
   The  human  mind was never made to be  idle.  Thought
emanates from  Deity, and no man can measure it out.   We
must act, or we shall be annihilated among the forces around
us  and against us.   In tracing  cause  and effect, we see that
every person  will yield to the strongest motive that presents
itself; and if the moral standard of society is so low that vice
is the strongest motive, who is to blame 1   I do not consider
there is any merit in one person being better than another, nor
any blame on  the part of the individual who is made account-
able  for  crime.   Such people  are unfortunately organized or
educated.  A mother often stamps the destiny of her child in
its  character  previous  to its birth.  It is a hereditary law in
nature.  Ignorance is the  evil  in this world, and knowledge is 
16
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
the only remedy;  but there is a ray of light yet, although dim.
"The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehend-
eth  it not; but it never will be extinguished.  There is too
much intellect in this generation.  True greatness has seldom
ever  had its  place in this world, for such are not appreciated
while living.  A great mind is a great while finding its place,
and a person who possesses true greatness and true goodness
with h\ never will find a place fit for two such qualifications in
the same person, in the present state  of society ;  for money has
always  been  a substitute for merit, and  those who have the
most merit generally have the least  money.   A person of real
merit can enjoy himself with less means than those who de-
pend altogether upon money for their reputation.  Such have
no internal  sources of enjoyment, and a vacant mind will seek
the same.  There are supplies for all, although the honest en-
deavors of females who are thrown upon  their own resources
have seldom  been appreciated  or recognized, unless they are
qualified to mingle with the vulgar circle of society, which is
the  fashionable class.   It is the  fashionables who give tone to
society  ; and  where do we  see  vulgarity but in  high life 1
There  is where 1 took my first  lessons.   But verily, verily I
say unto you in the nineteenth century, there are new but great
developments, and those who have  eyes must see, and those
who have ears to hear let them hear Mr. May talk of women's
rights,  for  he is truly an admirable  creature, and  perfectly
amiable and interesting to some  people.   I suppose that Hor-
ace Mann has told the lieverend that women have  got brains,
and that fact affords him a great enterprise and something new.
He  is really  advocating women's rights, but if I am not  mis-
taken, he claims the privilege of striking out the path of right-
eousness for them.   That will do for such as have heads equal-
ly low as  his  own ; but I fear another development will inter-
cept his motives.   1 have discovered  that his head was too low
to dictate to such as have a high tone of moral refinement, and
such as  act from conscientious motives.  The "old skeezicks"
claims to be a great philanthropist, but he is mistaken in his mo-
tives.   He is not, neither was he ever, blocked out for one.
He is a great blarneyist.  When the world are all properly
educated, and  each one's powers of mind properly understood,
then people will be capable of ascertaining who will be qualified
to fill  the different  offices; and  then each and every one can 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         17

 claim  his  or her proper place in the community.  We have
 the pleasure of knowing,  by long experience, that we cannot
 legislate community into good morals.  We are convinced of
 the fact that a priest-ridden community must be restrained by
 legislative government.  There will eventually be a different
 state of things.   Fashionable society are rather running be-
 hind their  own ticket.   This influence is growing less, and will
 continue to do so if the working class will inform their minds, for
 knowledge is power.   My interest and my associations have
 always been with the working class, and always will be.
   My religion will not  furnish me a fashionable living in this
 place, but  Mr.  May's will, because the women think so much
 more of him than they do of me.
   Horace  Mann has discovered the difference between high life
 and  a high woman.  The ladies will bear that from a gentle-
 man ;  but I should pity the female who would  take the liberty
 to  publish that  fact.   We  do know that mothers mould  the
 characters  of their children much more than their fathers; and
 I  should  think  it would be a pleasant spectacle to parents to
 take a survey of the present  state of society.
   I believe that God is the owner of about thirty buildings in
 the city of Syracuse; but  there are more houses of correction
 in the city than there are Christians.   I believe  there never  has
 a reformation commenced in  a  church yet here.  We have
 a Court  House and a  Penitentiary,  a County House and a
 Work House, a  State  Prison and a Watch House, a Police
 Office and  a Hospital, and an Insane Institution, all in the neigh-
 borhood of each other; for by two hours' travel we can reach
 either of them ; and now and then a seraglio, and misery mul-
 tiplied by  the use of ardent spirits;  but still the church-going
 propensity continues  as an  epidemic.   The ministers do  see
 that their own works follow  them.

                " A man convinced against his will
                  Is of the same opinion still."

 It is fear that makes our demons, and weak hope our gods.
  The wrongs of which I have spoken must all  be made  right.
They cannot  at present, for  the social condition of society is
wrong, and it must be regulated—but not until every human
being  is recognized as a human being.  Place any individual
in the world where he is not respected by those with whom he
                                           2 
18
TWO YEARS AND THUAK wiONTHS IN
is  obliged  to associate, and  he will very  soon lose  his  self-
respect.  It  is a law in nature, and that is the reason why so
many of the  high order of American females become reckless.
We cannot make outcasts of such.

             " Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
              And waste its sweetness on the desert air."'
         *     *     *     *     *****
        " Man's inhumanity to man makes countless millions mourn."
  I have  given  simply the outlines of what  took  me to the
Lunatic Asylum.  S. J. May, the great woman's rights man
of Syracuse, pretended  that  he thought it would be  a great
benefit to my health; yet he  knew all  the time that I could
take care  of myself, if 1 had anything to  do it with,—and that
is more than his women-folk can do, though they are rational,
I suppose—for  they will  not  cook their own food after it is
given them, while I was obliged to work for what little I did
have and then  do my own cooking besides.  But, however, as
I could not  make a comfortable living by sewing, I thought it
best to go,  and  the more readily, as 1 had heard so much said
in  commendation of the institution and of the kind treatment
that patients  received there.   Still, notwithstanding all these
good hear-says,  as soon as I thought of going there, a feeling
of  suspicion crept into my mind, which I could  not eradicate
and did  not, that  all was  not  right in that Asylum, and this
impression proved to be too true—it was not imaginary, but
real.  Mr. James R. Lawrence made out the order, which fell
into the  hands of  Mr. William Gardner, the  High Sheriff of
Onondaga County  at that time.  Old  Priest May was officious
as usual.  I think the law requires that two reliable physicians
shall adjudge  a  person insane before sending the person to a
Lunatic Asylum.  Who were  the " reliable physicians " that
were called upon  to declare my insanity I do not know nor I
do  not care, and I never inquired.  Neither  did I know that
Mr. Gardner  held the order in reference to me until he had
been possessed of it several weeks.   I had a few  friends in the
country, and I was spending a few weeks with them, enjoying
myself very well; when I returned to Syracuse,  Professor
Spencer was delivering a course of lectures at Malcolm Hal"
on  the Philosophy of Mind, and. one or two gentlemen  handing 
          THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         10

me a few tickets, I  found my way into the  Lecture room.
About that time I was one day walking out for the benefit of
my health, when I met some one on the street who informed
me of the fact that Mr. Gardner had an order for my commit
ment to the Asylum, and that he could not find me; he had
never seen me—having then but recently moved into the place,
on  being elected to the office of Sheriff.  I was informed that
old Priest May and some of his offspring were trying to create
an excitement by disseminating the idea that I was a very dan-
gerous  person in the community;  but it proved^ a failure, for
if it had been the case,  others would have found it out without
Priest May's information on the subject; for with it they were
not  any wiser, though  they probably  derived as much benefit
from that information as they generally do from his teachings,
as he is always harping upon some low subject or other, keep-
ing up a low hue and cry; and that is  why he has so many fol-
lowers,  for it is just what suits the women, especially if it be
about myself.  Well, on hearing the news that I was to go to
the crazy house, I made calculations  accordingly, and indeed
was obliged to make  them all myself, as though I were con-
sidered  a rational  person.   I was "in  hopes they would make
some preparation for me, the same  as is usually done for other
crazy people, and certainly if  they wished me to  go in haste
for the  sake of the city's peace.  But none appeared to make
arrangements for me,  or to ascertain whether I was properly
provided with clothing or  other things.   It would seem they
thought  me a very capable crazy person.   Previous to this I
had been endeavoring to keep  house, but could not pay the
expenses, and had been obliged to sell clothing to get furniture.
On learning the news that I was to go to the Asylum, I imme-
diately  set about the disposal of my little stock of furniture
and provide myself again with clothing.  Exchange is no rob-
bery, although  sometimes there is robbery in exchange. I
succeeded  in selling or exchanging to pretty good advantage,
without taking  things  to auction;  of course  there was some
sacrifice, but I was perfectly satisfied—realizing about  sixteen
dollars, with which  I made my "fashionable fall purchases
the avails of my cooking stove providing me with a  shawl.
How odd, that  a  lunatic woman should be allowed and even
obliged thus to transact business for herself!   I dealt with Mr.
 Titus who was at that  time  in mercantile business on/Safina 
20
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 street, and who treated me as though he considered me a lady
 of  some  taste and judgment  and politeness; I have always
 found  Mr. Titus very much  of a gentleman.   Having made
 the best  of what I had to make it of and with, I then went to
 work  washing and ironing my clothes, and packing  in one
 trunk such as I chose  to take with me to Utica, leaving the re
 mainder all clean and in good order in another trunk.
   When  I  had  accomplished  all my domestic arrangements,
 I called at the office of Mr. Gardner,  to inform him that I was
 ready  to wait on him to Utica.  Mr. Gardner was absent on
 business  at  Oswego, but there was  a gentleman in the office
 who was very polite, and who  said that  I could leave my
 errand with him, which I did, telling him also that if Mr. Gard-
 ner did  not  appear soon I should have to rave again, as I had
 no claims upon any one for a meal of victuals or a night's lodg-
 ing, for while I  had  been making preparation for Utica I paid
 inv board by letting the woman where 1 was at the time have
 * domestic -bawl that had  been given me as a present, and the
 man of the house appeared rather dissatisfied with the  bargain
 before I could get ready, (and I presume that J did consume the
 value of the  shawl two or three times over,) but  I told him  to
 keep  cool, and perhaps I would pay my  board  bill when 1 got
 rational.
   The morning after  my call at Mr. Gardner's office, that gen-
 tleman came round to see the strange mortal, and  I appeared
 with  my regimentals all ready for  Utica; he said he would
 call again about one o'clock with a carriage to take my trunk
 and self to  the depot, which promise was fulfilled,  and in due
 time we arrived  at the depot—Mr.  Gardner finding himself
 still alive; a  man stood ready to take the horse by the bit, for
 the Syracuse, rubbish had informed Mr.  Gardner of my inter-
 esting traits of character; but he was too much of a gentleman
 to believe it without  occasion, and of course no difficulty oc-
 curred.   We soon found  ourselves in Utica, and a horse and
 carriage wrere speedily ordered out to convey us to the Asv-
 lum, which we reached in a few minutes.  1 told  Mr. Gardner
 that I would do my best when  1 went into the house, and per-
 haps they would  not  rind out that 1 was crazy,   lie rang the
 bell, and Dr. Porter waited on the door and conducted us to
the state  parlor, wnich is a public parlor, where the JDuelors
see all patients  and strangers  that come.   I felt rather silly. 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         21

Mr. Gardner told Dr. Porter that he had a lady with him that
he wished  to  leave there, and desired  to see Dr.  Benedict
Behold, Dr. Benedict appeared, and Mr. Gardner gave me an
introduction to the Superintendent of the Lunatic Asylum.  No
one could  be more bland than the Doctor; he was a perfect
specimen of amiability, and all was very pleasant; the surface
was as  smooth as glass.  The Doctor soon inquired as to the
state of my health, and I told him that I considered it good,
with the exception of weak nerves;  he remarked that we did
not always know ourselves;  I told him I thought I had a very
good knowledge of  myself;  he then said that we could  not al-
ways control ourselves, and asked if I would sit there a short
time with the Matron, to which I answered in the affirmative,
and he, with Mr.  Gardner, then withdrew.  After an absence
of ten or fifteen minutes, they returned, the Doctor with a sheet
of paper in his hand; he asked me to take a seat by a table,
which I did—occupying one side of the table, while  Mr. Gard-
ner occupied another and the Superintendent had the other two
to himself.   He then said, " Come, now tell  us all about your-
self."  I said that  I would  tell him what little I knew.   He
then commenced asking me questions,  which were answered,
and  he remarked to Mr. Gardner that he thought I had told
the truth.   He  did certainly ask a variety  of questions, but
perhaps none that were unnecessary; but before he got through
taking notes, I came to the conclusion that he must be a Yankee,
for I found myself completely exhausted.  At the  conclusion
of this examination, Mr. Gardner left.
   Dr. Benedict  now asked me to give him  the key to my
trunk,  and 1 complied.   The trunk had been accidently put into
the Albany baggage car, and gone on to that city;  Mr. Gard-
ner had left the  check with Dr. B., and Dr. Potter presently
came to me for a description of the trunk, which I gave, and in
due time my baggage was recovered, looking very like an old
acquaintance.
   [Such trifling incidents are mentioned because they serve to
show the extent  of my alleged insanity, and whether those
who professed to believe me not rational were sincere in that
profession.]
   After taking the  first degree in the parlor, Mrs. Willets and
Miss Imager, formerly of Syracuse, appeared—Mrs.  Willets in
the capacity of a General Supervisor, and Miss Eager in that 
22
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
of a Clerk; although they had been in Syracuse some time, I
did not know them until Dr. Benedict gave me an introduction
to them.
   Dr. Porter came around again about that time, and I had
opportunity of forming some knowledge of him.   I have the
pleasure of knowing that he was always a real good little fel-
low.  He  was a human being—and the only physician there
that I had any reason to respect;  but he was not appreciated
by any except the  patients—and left the Asylum  soon after I
went to it.
   After I had seen the ladies in the parlor, Dr. Benedict asked
Miss Eager to take me into the fourth hall; and there  was the
second grade of insanity.   This hall was a short and very
pleasant  one.   The  long  halls are the whole  length of the
wing, and each will accommodate  about forty patients.  The
dining room is between two short halls—that is, a long hall is
divided by the dining room.  Each short hall will accommo-
date about twenty patients.
   When I got into the hall it was  about sunset.   Miss Eager
seated me in a recess by a window, and took my bonnet and
shawl.  I appeared a welcome visitor to the bewildered coun-
tenances who soon  gathered around me, and I looked at them
and they looked at me.  They reminded me of children who
are brought up in the country, who seldom see any one, and a
stranger  is worth looking at for a long time.  In the crowd
there was  one lady from Onondaga county who appeared at-
tracted to me by natural affinity; and I do believe that her
influence with my own judgment assisted me in retaining the
trifle of sense I had left when I went there, for mind acts upon
mind.   The vacant faces and disconnected conversation, togeth-
er with other things, were much more than my brain was able
to bear at that time.  I went there under the most trying cir-
cumstances that a person could live through, and their treat-
ment only aggravated the case.  I was afraid  of my life from
the time  I went there until I left.  The principle of intuition
told me the motives, feelings and proceedings of the house the
first night I stopped there.  I could not sleep at all.   I felt as
though I  was surrounded by murderers, just as I was.  My
feelings did not deceive me, for there is a variety of  different
ways to murder people, and they are well understood in that
house.  Practice makes perfect.   They do not regard a per 
THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.
son's feelings there  at  all.   In some particular cases they re
gard  the circumstances that a patient is taken there under,
more from fear of being detected than from principle.
   Dr. Benedict could very easily have relieved me from all I
suffered by a few words that sounded like humanity.  By so
doing, he would have gained my confidence and respect, and I
could  have felt more at home there; but he appeared to think
that authority was  far  better than humanity.   With all their
medical skill and practice, I am sure they found out how much
1 was  benefited.   They appeared determined to rule me by
brute force;  but what did they accomplish, and why was I ex-
cited at their appearance in the  hall %   Because they had in-
jured me, and then they were all mad because they saw the state
of excitement I was in when they entered.   They tried to drive
me out of that state of  mind by brute force.   I have heard it
said that they thought me rather flighty, but I have told the
cause of it.
   Dr. Benedict never spoke but one sentence to me while I
was in the Asylum  but  what excited me,  and that was only a
short time before I left,  when  he spoke of my going away
from there.   I was perfectly composed, but he always appeared
angry  because  I could  not feel  at  home shut up in a room
with twenty or thirty crazy women.   It was not in my power
to do  that, neither could he have done it himself.  What was
there to enjoy in that long white room,  lined with deranged
minds 1  Such a scene  before my eyes  day after day did not
strike me very pleasantly,  and of course  it  injured me. Any-
thing that is unpleasant to  the senses must injure a fine tem-
perament, especially if one be fond of the beautiful.   A per-
son with  large  ideality and order has no relish for the imper-
fect in the least.
   The Doctors  in the  institution appear to think it a conde-
scension to get along the easiest way, for they would not have
occasion to show one-half the authority they do, at the expense
of the patients' feelings, and perhaps a total loss of reason for-
ever.   If  the Doctors could be spectators in those halls the
length of time 1 have been, I think they would treat the most
of cases very  different; but they enter them in about the same
way that the priest does the pulpit—in rather a dignified, cool,
forbidding manner, as though they had something of great im-
portance  to say that never  had been said before, and such 
4A           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS i>

scare-crow that all must quail at the sound of their voices.  In
rather a cool, indifferent  manner  they will ask the attendants
how the patients appear, and replies are made according to the
likes and dislikes of the different inmates.  If apatient is ser-
vile enough to please those ignorant Irish Catholics and dough-
heads of Welsh and Yankee greenhorns, then  there is general
satisfaction; they can go into the first hall; there you will find
the  more  amiable, but less intellectual.  They will flatter the
Doctors, and the Doctors will flatter them; and  a patient who
will not minister to the self-love of the physicians, must expect
to be treated with great severity.   For that reason the ladies
in the better halls make it a real trade to flatter the Doctors to
gain favors and get away from there, and then they make  sport
of it to each other.  The Doctors have been flattered so much
they are fond of admiration.  It is a pity that great men should
be  susceptible of flattery; for in that place,  when there is a
real mind, that will flatter no one, then you will see the  Doc-
tors' revengeful feelings all out.  The patient is treated accord-
ing to their capricious feelings.  They walk through the halls
as though they thought themselves far superior to their sub-
jects ; but in that place I saw the  weak points of what is called
great men.
  Although Dr. Benedict feels himself a  distinguished person-
age, there is a fault somewhere, for he cannot bear promotion;
and it appears  to  me that he only takes a surface knowledge
of things in the institution, as far as the welfare  of the institu-
tion is concerned, or else  he chooses to have them treated as
they are, for the purpose of keeping the house full for his own
special benefit.   His salary is worth looking at—two thousand
dollars a year; besides, a great  name makes a man feel him-
self of some consequence in this world, rather  too much  so to
pay due attention to what crazy  folks say.  It is one of the
disagreeable troubles of the house to listen to their complaints,
and  for that reason the doctors seldom notice what they say,
but listen  to the help.  It makes  them much  less trouble to
pretend not to believe what the patients say at all; for if they
were to acknowledge that they believed the patients, and then
treated them as they do, after hearing their different complaints,
it would look as though they designed to treat  them wrong
just as they do ;  but they get along with it all  veiy smooth
without committing themselves.  In the first place, the physi- 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        25

 cians were all young, as a patient said to me one day.  Said
 she, " We need fathers here, but we have only boys," and it
 is very true.  The patients have their own infirmities to bear,
 together with the infirmities of the doctors and all the ignora-
 muses whom  they hire in the house.  On the whole, I do not
 wonder at the condition of the incurable patients, neither do I
 wonder at the cases of idiocy.  It is very often the most intel-
 lectual who  become  idiots, and I know that  the  most violent
 patients whom I saw there were the best educated women in
 the house, and of Yankee  origin.  I can  assure you that they
 were to be dreaded when  excited.   One of the  little women
 would drive forty bog-trotters.  Turn them out,  and let them
 have fair play for a while:  the Irish  were threatening  what
 they were going  to do,—the Yankees would have it all  done.
 They fight by tact as much as strength.   The feeling is trans-
 mitted to them from their  fathers and grandfathers, but I never
 before realized that the American ladies  partook  so much of
 the spirit of independence  as I saw manifested there.  I pre-
 sume they never had seen real oppression before.   One woman
 told me that she was no less a female  because she  happened
 to be a little crazy.  I then told her that if we had as kind treat-
 ment as my father's cattle received, we should fare far better
 than we did.   Many unpleasant circumstances could be laughed
 off if they knew how to  approach one aright; but that would
 not be dignified enough..  They treat such cases as though they
 thought it more manly to inflict some  awful punishment upon
 some poor, weak, unfortunate  mind; and then perhaps to get
 revenge, the patient would double the crime in some other act
They were no more penitent under such torture than the In-
dians would  be, and they will  retain an injury as long as the
red man will, no matter how crazy they are.  You will find,
by making yourself a friend to them, that all injuries are in
 the mind  still, and whatever or whoever has  caused them to
 suffer will excite them the moment you touch  upon the points.
 They could not deceive me very well.   Might is right in that
 place.  I think it was designed for  a good  purpose, but they
 have made it a den of thieves.  It reminded me of C. E. Les-
 ter's work on the Glory and Shame of England—the descrip-
 tion that he  gave of London, the hilarity in  one apartment of
 a building, and the degradation, perhaps, in another apartment
 in the  same building, divided by a partition. One moment
              B 
26
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
he would be pleasantly interested, and perhaps the next shock-
ingly disgusted.  It is a  lucky circumstance  for himself that
he was not a nervous man, although he  had his liberty to be
one at any time; but as for myself,  the scenes and sounds  I
was witness  to  while  in  that den  of  iniquity, surrounded by
murderers, thieves, and tattlers, will not soon  be forgotten by
me ;  and that is not all either.  The worst of it is not known
yet.   I never  shall obliterate the  impressions  from my feel-
ings if I live  a thousand years.  The intention  of some  of them
was to finish me oft* there, but as one of the attendants said to
me, " You are hard to kill."  She was a friend of mine, a na
tive of Ireland, and a Catholic ; but she  was rather intelligent,
with good natural abilities.   If I knew that she was not there
now, I would give her credit.
   The Irish  as a nation are said to have  large  adhesiveness,
and in the Asylum I saw it  verified,  for I happened to secure
the friendship of two or three women  of Irish  birth, who were
very kind to me, and were  perhaps the means of saving my
life;  they followed me, as I was  removed from  hall to hall,
and would charge the  help to be kind to me,  and they would
sometimes send me fruit and other things.  The doctors would
encourage all that  they had influence over in being just as ugly
as possible.  But the generosity of my  particular friends was
on a large scale, although they were foreigners.   I think it is
rather a  leading trait in the character of intelligent foreigners
to be generous on a  large  scale.  But Dr.  Benedict would
certainly  show himself up to greater advantage in small deeds
than any  other great man that ever I knew. I was in the Asy-
lum a number of weeks before he could  find an occasion to
quarrel with me;  but like the women  in Syracuse, he saw that
I had no idea of creating  any disturbance fand  for fear that  I
should wear  better than my recommend to him  allowed me
to, he had rather  commence a fuss himself on  a small  scale
and, by cultivation, it  might in  time  cover a large piece of
ground.   That is characteristic of the Syracuse ladies, with the
exception of five or six.  The doctor may consider it rather a
compliment to  be classed with a majority of the Syracuse aris-
tocracy ; but " by their fruits ye shall  know them."
  The doctor first started himself in business  by finding fault
with my sitting posture, because my feet did not happen to rest
on the floor, or else  I looked as though  I was a  little deformed, 
THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         27
and the doctor spent much time in endeavoring to regulate my
habits in this respect, but all to no effect.  I told the doctor in
the state parlor that my insanity was hereditary, and just how
long I had been crazy; for there was none else that knew; I
had all the record of my history in my head, and I thought by
giving the doctor the outlines correctly, that he would readily
know what disposal to make of  my case.  Perhaps he did
know, and if he did, he will remain a guilty man.   Although
I was  permitted to leave alive, there are numbers of others
who end their  days there by indirect murder.  It is always
understood  by  the  attendants how to treat the different pa
tients, or how the doctors wish them treated ; and  then if one
is troublesome and  rather feeble, they are very apt to depart
this life in  a short time.  "A continual dropping  will wear
stone," and  I saw one feeble  person after another drop away
without any particular care or attention.   What kind of nurses
are those little girls who go there to hire out ?  They are from
the factories and kitchens and country.  Now and then a tailor-
ess, and often some botch of  a dress-maker, who is not quali-
fied to get a living by her trade in rational society,_ selects that
institution as a place of residence, for  such work is just as good
to tear  to pieces as any, and  it is not near as hard work as the
more finished dress-making is to dissect.  The violent patients
do not think it much of  a job to take a dress to pieces there ;
but those who have great force of character must dispose of it
somehow or other ; and if they cannot in the natural way, they
will invent  some other plan.   This propelling power cannot be
suppressed  as long as there is mind left, for mind will act; it
is a law of nature; and to lock up such  a person  for a  long
time, is sure destruction to the reason in some shape or other.
That is the  class of patients  who become desperate, and terri-
bly so when excited, and  they are  never  fat, but generally of
Yankee origin.  To build a  fire in a tight air stove, and not
allow the heat to pass off as  fast as it rarifies, I suppose there
would be an explosion, for heated  air will have vent, and I do
not  see why we cannot apply the same principle to mind.   I
should  think that a little observation would teach us that it
might be a fact.                                      .
   Dr. Benedict said in one of his annual reports of the institu-
tion while I was there, that sometimes it would effect a cure if
a patient got the opportunity of  running away.   There was 
28           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS I>

one such case while I was there, and she was one of the class
of whom I  have spoken, as having great force of character.
She was a Mrs. Conger, from somewhere near Oswego, if I rec-
ollect right.   She had not been there a great while before
she made her escape from the ninth hall, the worst hall  in the
house except one.   The girls did not happen to lock her door,
and she knew that.   She kept still, and when she thought the
girls were asleep, she took advantage  of the night watch, for
she was through the halls every half hour during the night.
Mrs. Conger slept in another room or hall, and helped herself
10 clothing out of the attendants' room, sufficient to make her
self comfortable.  She then found her way through all  the
halls, (for at night the inside doors are sometimes left open,)
and then into the state parlor and out of the window.  Instead
of going home she started for Albany.   She had often spoken
to me of an uncle who resided there, where they found her,
perfectly sane as she ever was.  I heard that they very soon
had sash-locks put on the state parlor windows.   Perhaps the
same mind would have been  perfectly destroyed  by compel-
ling her to stop there for a long time, and I think it would be
a good  plan to experiment on different individuals occasion-
ally who are not too violent.  Her elasticity of constitution
and her force of character together, I  think, must have been
the remedy, and I know it to be a fact that the same has kept
myself alive for years, although I have large mirthfulness.  'A
friend of mine once told me  that I could bring that to bear
against  other organs that caused depression, and  relieve my
case very much.  I seized the  idea with a firm grasp, and I
have laughed off what would kill fifty persons of a different
constitution  and good health to start  with.   That was why I
was hard to kill.  It prevents the mind from becoming a dead
weight upon itself; but some are so pious  that they dare not
laugh even if the organ of mirthfulness is excited.   They will
suppress the inclination, but they will do  it at the expense of
their feelings, and they  always suffer an injury in  the  head in
consequence of it.   What is the organ in the head for, if not
for the  benefit of the  human family?   It is  hard to cramp
genius.   Such  a person may become  eccentric by not  beine
justly appreciated, but they never  will become like the popu-
lous current, and I firmly believe that one-half of the greatest 
THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         29
geniuses in the United States are inmates of some doleful prison
or lunatic asylum.
   I heard an attendant say, while I was at Utica, that the asy-
lums were houses of convenience in many other cases besides
those of insanity.  There were a number of aged people there
—superannuated beings, but not crazy ones.   They had prop-
erty to pay their expenses, but their friends did not want the
trouble of them.  One  of them was Mrs. Rudd.   She  died
while I was there.  They said  she  was a minister's wife, but
was never crazy.  A Miss Ostrom, of Utica, was  also an in-
mate of the Asylum, but never insane.   Like other aged peo-
ple, she was rather troublesome, and the fact is, that institution
accommodates a variety of characters.
   Insanity has become a fashionable by-word, and  much deg-
radation in high life is covered by  the use of it.   The laws of
the institution are such that many people are taken there very
unjustly, and kept there without any possible excuse.   It is a
fashionable prison for such persons.  No matter what the pa-
tient has done, just call him or her insane, and their reputation
does not suffer.  Their friends feel very comfortable, knowing
there will no stigma rest  on their reputation, and the whole is
a speculative  operation.   It is governed by sectarian princi-
ples.  I was informed that Dr. Benedict was an Episcopalian,
but there is a  chapel in  the institution, and  I believe their min-
ister is a Presbyterian.   Other denominations preach  there
quite often.   Although  I was not very  devoted  to  the chapel
myself, I often heard from there; for  every Sabbath nearly
the whole retinue of attendants, with their train of followers,
made up of shattered minds, would appear in the chapel.  Some
would make faces, others talk  or mutter to themselves—some
would laugh, and others remain quiet.   Once  in a while one
would rear and pitch a  little to make  up the variety.   Such
were taken into the hall.   The ladies and gentlemen  never met
each other except in chapel, unless the gentlemen from the bet-
ter halls were  permitted to go to those of the ladies, to attend
some little party or exhibition, such as  they very often  have
there, and they had to create their  own  sources of enjoyment.
A rational mind suffers  many privations in  that place, but one
that'is truly sound on all points undergoes nearly as many out
of there, certainly, if they are  poor.  A person who has com-
mon sense  ought to be provided  for in some way or other 
30
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
which will allow him or her all there is for such an one to en-
joy in the present &tate of society, as far as  money will con-
tribute to their happiness.   They have a moral right to it, and
it would  be far  less expense to the state to  furnish  some of
them with means in time to save their reason ; then they could
take care of themselves.  But no—that is not the fashionable
way of doing business.
  I can assure the public that these insane institutions are con-
ducted in a very imperfect manner.   The government being
absolute, it clashes with the laws of nature.  They do not har-
monize;  they emanate from  two different sources—Nature
from Deity, and the wrongs from man.   God is often accused
of crimes He holds man responsible for.
  I had not been in Utica but a short time before a lady told
me that she never should have known how women treated each
other if it had not been her misfortune to be  insane.   I asked
her if she had ever been in their power before ?  She said she
had not.   I then told her the cause of my being there—that  I
had no home, and that my nervous system had been destroyed
by the women.   After listening to her story, I  told her that I
believed  every word of it by my own experience previous to
my going there, and it was not at all likely that I should fare
very well.   I happened to guess right the first time.
  It is not  a pleasure to me to be obliged to  publish facts de-
rogatory to female character, but I feel under a moral obliga-
tion  to do so in self-defense.   It is just as right for me to  pub-
lish facts as it is for them  to manufacture falsehoods, for  they
deal out their gossip  in such a manner that strangers very
often receive wrong impressions, although I  never felt  slan-
dered by my inferiors, because if such were to  speak well of
me it would sink me at once in the estimation of all who under-
stand character.   " Birds of a feather flock together."   Every-
thing seeks its level.
  I was told, some years ago, that one of the prominent mem-
bers of the Unitarian church said she thought me  a person of
sterling worth.   She  professes to be a lady, but she  is a  fash-
ionable one.   It so happened that  her remark  about me and
her  treatment of  me did not harmonize.  It  frequently oc-
curred that I had occasion to defend her reputation—but behold!
she is not the only one, and they  were all glad of my influence
in their favor.  Some  years ago I had more  influence than 
             IT: NEW YORK STATK LUNATIC ASYLUM.         31

now have, because  I dressed more.   A piece of nice cloth is
rather an influential article, and  I knew it;  but if they were
gentry and  myself poor, my reputation  stood  far higher in
community than many  of the  wealthy class, and that  hurt
them.   The most of those whom I had  occasion to defend I
then thought stood on  slippery ground, and I have not had oc
casion to change my mind ; but  that class of women  are the
last beings who will assist  me in  these days.  Their treament
of me reminds me of a dense forest,  inhabited by wolves, who
go in companies or droves, and  are always on  the  alert for
game ; it appears that  when one discovers an object that is de-
sirable as prey, he will commence, howling  at  the  top of his
voice, which soon arouses the whole company, and  with in-
stinctive sagacity they will  then join in concert and form a ring
around the man, woman, or child, or whatever  it happens to
bo, and continue their howling, and gathering nearer and nearer
to each other,  until they reach their victim;  then, if the man's
life is insured, I very much doubt if the insurance  will cover
(he damage.   Now. I do not see why the wolf-craft  will not
compare  with the woman-craft, so long as they both act upon
;he same principle.   If the women put  themselves on a level
with  the animals, why not class them with the animals?  This
comparison Ls  confined to the majority of the Syracuse ladies,
or rather apologies  for ladies, and the  majority of the hired
help  at the Utica institution.  I expect this publication  will fur-
nish  the retailers in  Syracnse with sufficient capital to enter
more largely into the business than ever.  Competition is the
life of business, and perhaps some of them will  be able to do
a wholesale  business, for  some of them are great capitalists.
Practice makes perfect.  I think  they must have a very good
knowledge of financial affairs in their line of business, which is
.1 very lucrative one, and  those that enter it largely seldom fail
in business.   There is  another advantage in being a member
of this society : it is not a secret society;  their pass-words are
very common, and  there is always  a great supply on haud;
and another good feature is, the  initiation  fee is very  reasona-
ble,—all indigent persons  can share the immunities of the so-
ciety without any expense out of pocket, but simply by the use
of their tongues about  myself a little while.  But the tongue
of one of these is no slander, after all.  I feel very much as the
lion did when he was kicked by  the  jack ; and 1  never felt as 
3'2           I'WO YKAKS AND THREE MONTHS IN

though the law would restore a reputation, as some, d > in Syr-
acuse.  A lady once asked my opinion in regard to going to
law for her character, and I was a little suspicious that she stood
on slippery  ground ; I told  her that  if I had  a reputation I
should not prosecute for one,  but if I  had not a good reputa-
tion and could get one by going to law, I thought it would be
a first rate plan, and that I was 'very glad there  was a law  that
would reach as far as that.  Now, as Priest May has underta-
ken to help the women  claim  their rights, who knows but he
will make the law somewhat useful  in many cases in Syracuse.
He has pettifogged  so long for the souls of the women that are
edified by it, that it is  highly  necessary to improve their mor-
als in some respects.  Some  folks  will ride upon  small hob-
bies.   I was told a  few years ago that  Mr. May had said that
he had not been mad in  twenty years—as though  he was en
titled to much credit for  his amiable disposition ; but the fact
is he  got on to a sit-still's nest in his early days, and there he
has stuck ever since, except perhaps once in a  while when he
has chosen to get off; but the  case is left to his  own option en-
tirely.  Himself and family consume  without  producing, and
spend without earning, and to  be sure the surface is extremely
amiable.  But if you want to know what such folks are, just
cross-examine them a little, and they will  show you what the
composition is.  What  have such  people accomplished in the
world 1  They live  to eat, drink, and sleep, and dress fashiona-
bly ;  they do  not eat to  live, but live  to  eat.  And what do
such people know of the business affairs of life?  Their position
in society is such that  they imagine themselves almost equal
with  God—as near, certainly, as  nephews and nieces.  The
priest informs the people what he  wants, and  it is no sooner
said than done ;  and 1 could be equally as amiable under the
same circumstances; although I am not a fixed planet, I could
be quite good natured  occasionally.  I have not the privilege
of locating in one place in Syracuse long enough to sit  down,
and much less to live upon one spot of ground as my own.  I
am obliged to move, hit or miss.   But Priest May is one of
your lymphatic temperaments  that will not move in a direction
calculated to test his business talent; he is naturally indolent;
and his mdolence makes him  amiable; he is too lazy  to get
mad very often, and when he does get  mad, he is too lazy to
get over it.  What does he know of the ills of life 1  He has 
THE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         33
no occasion to get excited ; he is not a business man, and well
he may sit down and boast of his nice traits of character in the
presence of a company of silly women.  What is such a man's
experience worth to the world 1  How would it read if written
and published ?   To an intellectual person it would be rather
dry music.
  I think 1  will let the old priest rest awhile, and talk of some
one who I know has a  soul.  I met a  Miss Marsh at the insti-
tution as a patient.  She was only partially  deranged.  She
was a real philanthropist, and I  happened to  be a favorite of
hers,  and she was  a favorite of mine.  Her very nature was
worth more to me than an army of such doctors as they had there.
Her motives were  so  pure that  it was  a  great  satisfaction to
me to think of her.  She was from Otsego county, and when*
ever  she  received a box from home, I always shared the con*
tents  with her.   Her influence was felt all over the  house, and
she wanted me  in the same hall  with herself  all  the time.
That  young lady could manufacture thought.  She  was a mil-
liner  and dress-maker,  but a person  of superior qualities.   I
told her  a portion  of  my  experience when  I was first melan-
choly, and the remedy for it:  it was the kindness of one woman
and a doctor, who  understood the nature of such minds.  The
lady herself had been just as I was, but it was a different cause
that  produced the  same effect.  It was sympathy that cured
me.   She did not  say but a little to me at first, neither did the
doctor—but they both happened to strike  just right, in a still,
small voice, and that gave me a starting point at once.  I have
small hope, and  need a  little encouragement all  the  time.
That  adds greatly to my happiness.   I am on high  ground  as
long as such gas will last.  Two or three words spoken just
right  to me is equal to a full charge of exhilarating gas to some
people; and if I had been taken to an insane institution fifteen
years ago, that would have been the last of me.  The patients
there do  more for  each other  than any one else does for them,
because they understand each other's  feelings,  and  take an in-
terest in each other.  That will  almost effect a cure in many
people, but  the doctors in  the Asylum treated my case very
different  from such as have good common  sense.  They made
an effort to compel me to  go to sewing for York state for no-
thing, but they got outwitted.  I thought I was not quite rich
enough to contribute my labor to a state institution, and  more-
              B*                         3 
34           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

over I was a county patient.   That calculation  must have been
a great stretch of the intellect in those smart men.   In the first
place, New York state is the largest  state in  the Union, and
possesses the most wealth;  and in the  next place, Onondaga
county is the most wealthy county in  the state, because it will
produce the most.  I  thought if my constitution would not al-
low me to work  at my trade in Syracuse, when I could com-
mand six shillings per day, that it would look  very much like
insanity to turn  in there with two or  three  hundred  crazy
women and work for nothing, and in  a room, too, with fifteen
or twenty crazy minds who were muttering about  this, that,
and the other.   This is  the medicine that Dr. Benedict pre-
scribed for weak and  worn out nerves—the eminent  Dr. Bene-
dict, chosen by the legislature to superintend the Lunatic Asy-
lum at Utica!
   In the  first place, feeble persons should select their own di-
versions—and especially if they understand the laws of health,
they should  be  very careful to select something that the mind
is interested in, for there is so  much  sympathy between body
and mind that one cannot  suffer without causing the other to
suffer to a certain extent; and, above all things, avoid, if possi-
ble, every circumstance that has ever caused  one  to  suffer.
The feelings should  be  studied.   I have seen people in Syra
cuse whose mind was in such a state that reason was a down-
 right insult to them.  Their feelings were beyond their reason,
and those who had the care of them  understood their feelings,
 and treated them accordingly.   After awhile they recovered
slowly.   When I was in Utica I thought of those very persons,
and it was fortunate  for them that their friends understood the
laws of nature, for I knew that if they had been taken there and
 subjected to the rules of that institution, they would not remain
 one week  before they would  have  become raving maniacs.
 They put such persons into one of the worst halls, and that is
 the last of them.
   The rules of the house are written  by the doctors, I suppose,
 for they correspond with their treatment to the patients.  One
 of the rules was, that no patient should  lie  down during the
 day unless they were pronounced sick by the doctors.   Sleep
 is  one oi the greatest restoratives to weak nerves of anything
 in  the world.  .Fifteen minutes' sleep after dinner is a natural
 sanative. 
THE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         35
               "Sleep knits up the raveled sleeve of care,
                The death of each day's life."
                                                 *
And is  not my own experience a sufficient testimony to  the
fact?  For the last ten or twelve years previous to my going
to Utica, I had practiced taking a short nap after dinner during
the  warm weather, and they  were going to do great things with
me.   They were determined to break that up at any rate, and
I made  no small talk about it, but took the underside of  the
bed and there I was when the Medical Board or Staff appeared.
I thought I had a right to do all for myself there that I could,
and I  was determined if the rules of the house would not allow
me to sleep enough on the bed, I would try and make up lost time
under it; but that did not suit them.  I then went  to bed, and
there I staid month after month.   They found themselves out-
witted the second time; they were not cunning in some respects;
they did not manifest much Yankee tact in the manner they
chose to govern me, for they were almost sure to select some
circumstance that they could not control to show their authority
over me, but they were sure to get outwitted.  As for myselfj
f kept an eye about these things.   I made very different arrange-
ments.   I -was careful not to dabble  with circumstances over
which I had no oontrol, for I have got so much self-esteem and
firmness that I should have felt flat enough to have been out-
witted in such small and childish arrangements.   Those doctors
sacrifice their manly feelings to popularity, and popularity and
vulgarity are synonymous terms.
  A high order of humanity is called  for in  this generation as
teachers  and officers,  and school teachers in particular.  Much
depends on teachers at school as well as mothers at home; but
the  most who  occupy public positions in  society are apt to be
minor men and women.  It is very apt to be the more inferior
minds who seek office and  self-aggrandizement, for their busi-
ness is not apt to be very good anywhere, and it is a common
occurrence in these days for the most inefficient beings in com-
munity  to hold offices for which they receive handsome salaries.
Their influence is rank poison to the morals of those with whom
they are identified.   City, county, town and state officers are,
many of them, apt to think as much of a sit-still's, aest as
old Priest May, and some  of them had better receive their
salaries  without their services and be gentlemen at large, for
the morals of community would be  in a much healthier state 
36           TWO  YEARS AND THREE MONTHS  IN

than they now are.   It is  money that governs the motives
of men—but I do not say they  are  altogether  to  blame.
Although the word money strikes the ear  very  pleasantly,
there is more nutrition in a row of potatoes than there is in all
the gold mines in the world.  Suppose a person was in a state
of starvation on a desolate island, and should see a potato on
the ground, and at the same time  perceive a  piece  of gold of
equal size—which would he pick up first 1   I am thinking the
potato  would be  seized with avidity in preference to the gold,
and although I am not exactly a Paddy, it would be very much
like  myself to choose a good  potato well cooked  almost any
time in preference to a lump of gold, for two reasons—the first
because  I am a great lover of good potatoes ; and the second,
because I like  to  eat so well, and the  expenditure of my ner
vous system requires  hearty food.  That was one of the rea-
sons of my becoming so debilitated in the Asylum.   If we had
anything that I could  relish, I never could  get enough of it to
do  me any good.   We had of such eatables, whenever they
were sent up, just what the attendants did  not want.  Each at-
tendant had a rule book while they were in the house that was
written by the managers, and one of the  articles in that book
strictly prohibited any of the attendants having different or bet
ter food than the patients.  In the good  halls there is not so
much of an opportunity for speculation, for the attendants and
patients  take their meals at the  same time and at the same
table;  but in the violent halls it is necessary  that some of the
help should watch the patients, or they would  injure each other,
and perhaps break half the dishes on the table.   All the halls
use  knives  and forks except  the basement, and when I was
there I was very grateful for knowing the use of a pair of hands,
and I  found  them convenient for other purposes too.  There
was an old  flat faced Irish woman there who had been a ped-
dler in Ireland. She was a patient, and she went bleating around
on every side of the house in her peddling tone of voice.  It was
first her religion, and  then " if you bate me I'll bate you," all
in the  same tune; but when  she went around me with her
" bate" threats, (meaning she would beat or strike,) I furnished
her with another tune.   She would leave off singing bass for a
short time, and carry another part in the choir.  Her name was
May.   She reminded me of an old wandering Jew.
  It is no wonder that I became refined and polished during
my imprisonment.  My associates were  so  interesting  that 
           THE NEW rORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         37

there is not one woman in a thousand but who would have
been driven  to desperation in that place with the same treat-
ment I  received there.   They first found what injured me the
most, and that was  the plan through the house by the tories.
They would  continue to  deal out their lava quite equal to the
Syracuseans  in that respect, and the doctors were all of them
ring-leaders in the company, as low as they were, and all of
them as vicious as highway robbers, for murder was the motive.
  The Catholics grow fat there in  torturing the Americans.   I
have  heard  them  make their  arrangements how they would
irritate  the different patients until they would become perfectly
wild and raving;  and then when the doctor  made his morning
calls he would be informed of their terrible outbreak,  for that
was the plan to cause this excitement about the time that the
doctor was expected around, and  then they would say he will
see for  himself; but what did  he see?   He  saw  the effect, but
not the premeditated cause.  Their infernal motives are so in-
tricate in that house that a good clairvoyant  might be very use-
ful  in .the  institution;  and when patients get excited, they are
taken into a worse hall, and perhaps the arrangements are all
understood  in the next  halls by  the attendants how the case
will be treated there, and so it goes.  It is just as much im-
possible to  quiet an excited mind as long as the cause exists
that excited it, as it is for the leaves on the trees to remain still
during a severe gale of wind.   That this is a just comparison,
will be agreed by  any thinker or observer who  looks into the
different halls in that house.
  1  learned  much more of character in the bad halls than in
the more quiet ones, and I think  they will  not wonder at the
incurable patients, neither will they that  some become idiotic,
But the most of these two classes are, and have been, of su-
perior qualities.
   When 1 went  into the sixth hall, 1 looked around and saw
some superior minds.  On going into the dining room, I came
in  contact with the  patients of the ninth hall, which was still
worse than the sixth.   This class was useless.   There was a class
still  superior to the sixth  hall patients, and one woman who
was partially idiotic sat near me, and her features told me she
had known something.   1 asked Frances Reed who she was,
and she said it was Miss Dempster, a sister of the celebrated
vocalist.  Such minds are not servile enough  to please  the
murderers who have the care of them, (such as the Catholics,) 
38
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
and I told the girls that I believed that all who knew anything
when they went there became afterwards either fools or raving
maniacs, or died, and I was about half right in my judgment.
   There was one very interesting lady who died in one of the
water closets—the hospital closet—as I was told.   This closet
is one of the most loathsome  places imaginable;  the stench
was terrible.  I have forgotten the lady's name ; but I should
think her about fifty-five years of age, rather tall and thin, and
very delicate;  her clothes were  very nice, both in material and
the making.  She was  rather a troublesome patient, and suici-
dal, they said;  I  asked Margaret Loudon why the  lady was
put in bedstraps, and  Margaret answered that she was suici-
dal—and I admired her taste, under such circumstances.   The
fact is, that woman had  been frightened out of her wits, and
then  she was literally murdered in that house, for she was worn
out  by brute-like treatment that I wras a witness to; I never
saw an  old canal-horse that was handled more roughly than
that  lady was when being harnessed down to. the bedstead;
the  girls did not know that I saw that; but I kept promena-
ding the hall on purpose to see how they treated the case;  the
door was open; I thought, from what  I saw, that she could
not live long, and she did not;  she was a lady of very delicate
sensibilities, and of course her powers of endurance were feeble;
presently the lady was missing, and on my asking about her,
one of the .girls told me that her friends had thought it less ex-
pensive  to  take her home and hire a girl to take care of her
there ;  but one of the patients told me she died in the hospital
water-closet.  I know what that place was, for I was there sev-
eral  days and nights, and took my meals there.  A girl that
they called  Mira Manly had the care of the hospital, and if she
could manage to  wai£  on the sick in the hospital when I was
taking my meals,  it was her greatest pleasure;  she was a Yan-
kee, and generally got some patient to do the disagreeable part of
the work.   There was  a little Mrs. Merritt in one of the me-
dium hails, who was called upon by Mira as a servant in the
hospital during my visit to the water-closet.   Mrs. Merritt was
a natural  Jady, delicate and modest,  but her mind was a per-
fect wreck, though not  violent.   Such patients were used as
servants  in  the  bad halls, for they do not realize the degrada-
tion ;  they are called upon to do nearly all the  drudgery; the
hired  attendants receive six dollars per month while the pa- 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        39

tients do all that; part of the labor which the attendants feel
above doing.  Some of the patients are like children, and will
do anything for a little sugar, or something good to eat—such
as the attendants have selected for themselves, for there is gen-
erally an understanding between the hall and kitchen help;
they can talk through the waiters at meal  time, and  as the
kitchen  girls are Irish, of course the Irish attendants in the halls
fare  sumptuously.  This is in the bad halls.   When I was in
the,  basement, I grew poor on  skimmed milk in my tea and
coffee, while Mrs. Maloy and Mary Reynolds and Mary Olin
grew fat on the cream that was skimmed off of it, and there
was  no  taste in  either tea or coffee, but sweet as sugar itself,
because  sugar was cheaper than tea or coffee; but I had to give
up drinking  it, for I vomited it up; very sweet drink of any
kind will sour on my stomach.  Mrs. Maloy told me that Dr.
Benedict said my constitution was frail;  but with all his medi-
cal  skill he did not improve it—neither did he improve my
morals,  nor make me more polite to the medical board.   It is
not a wonder to me that there are so many re-admissions into
the institution;  I think  it very seldom that a permanent cure is
effected  there.
  Dr. Benedict said in one of his annual reports, while I was
there, that  he hardly knew how many to say were cured, be-
cause the re-admissions had been so frequent during the previous
year. The patients  cannot get their rights there unless they
purchase them  by doing the attendants some favor or other;
and I wish  to inform the world that I did not purchase much
righteousness, either of the Doctors or attendants, by the few
favors that I saw fit to grant them.  The Doctors wished me to
work for the house, and they were just fools enough to think
that they could compel me  to do it by directing the girls to
carry some bread and water and a little gruel into my room for
me to live on ;  but as it happened, I had not been well for some
time, and I was very glad of the opportunity of lying in bed a
few days;  moreover, they gave me some of the best milk por-
ridge that I ever ate, and some of  the best bread that I had
while I was in the house; their  punishment accommodated my
appetite with just what I had  been wanting for a long time, for
when 1  do not feel very well, milk porridge is a favorite dish
of mine; so there was a mutual  satisfaction,— their revenge-
ful feelings were gratified, and my appetite was accommodated 
40           TWO  YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 for almost the first time during the three months that 1 had then
 been in the house.  The object was to compel mc to go to sew-
 ing, as the work I chose to do was not of any particular benefit
 to the house.   I did not do anything until  I got ready, and then
 I  chose to assist in sweeping and dusting the hall;  that was
 very pleasant  exercise, and it  benefited myself as  well as the
 girl who had charge of the hall, and she in the meantime had to
 walk straight, or she would have had to do her own  work  ; but
 there was no fuss until she left the hall; she was a  Welsh girl
 named Hannah Evans.  That was the first hall that  I went into
 in the house; it was the fourth hall.
   When  Hannah Evans left,  there was  a Miss Kellogg ap-
 peared.  Her origin was Irish,  and a little of the low Yankee,
 mixed—both qualities low enough.  She had been in a district
 school a little while somewhere or other,  and she thought she
 would show me who she was; but I found out sooner than she
 expected.   I  could read  character then; but I kept  shady, and
 Madame did not find it out for some time; but when she did,
 she  was mad enough  about it, and  her  first business was to
 create a disturbance between the Doctors and myself.   I did
 not like her;  she was quite dictatorial,  and rather dirty in her
 habits, and indolent withal.   Mrs. Willets had  told her that I
 was just about as good as an attendant in the hall, but I did not
 choose to help her much; I thought it was not  best to do her
 work and bear her impudence too.  She was one of the tattlers
 of the day and age, and would lie and steal—or, at least, she
 took my dictionary and kept it until I told  Dr. Cook  of it; and
 she spent the most of her time reading and talking about the
 Doctors.  Dr. Cook was her favorite in the house then ; but in
 Dr. Brigham's day she had been a patient there, and  it appears
 she was smitten with Dr. Nichols, one of the  assistant physicians,
 and when  it was not "Dr. Cook" it was "Dr. Nichols."   Al-
 though I do not retain names very readily, I have not forgotten
 theirs.  She made an indelible impression of the two, and per-
 haps it will assist me in cultivating my recollection  of names
 She always had one favorite among the patients, and  no mattei
 how the rest fared, she was devoted to her favorite.   Of course
she was careful to select, some one who would flatter her vanity.
 I was her first choice, but 1 did not like her tastes, and soon de
clined to be her familiar; for she was not a person that I could
learn anything from that was right; and when I saw that she 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         41

was  determined to make disturbance, then I fed her up with
trifles, to  see her start  for the  offiee; a trifle would do, with
what she  could add on the way from the hall to the office, al-
though she went in a hurry—and she was so fond of seeing Dr.
Cook that she was perfectly ready at all times to report the
patients to their injury, in order to make an errand to the Doctor.
  It was  about this time  that Dr. Benedict thought I had bet-
ter  go  to  sewing; I  told him I would not;  he  said he would
see; I  told him he would have  an opportunity  of seeing, but
not  of  seeing  me  in the sewing room—and he found me as
good as nay word.   When he saw that he had got his match—
to gratify his  revengeful feelings, said he,  '• We will hold you
here a  long time."   I was told that he was sworn to be  just;
where was the justice, either to myself or the county that paid
my expenses ]  He made a very profitable job of it, for a great
man.  1 got a young lady to ask him for a situation in a dining
room, and he told her  I could have it; but I learned that old
Em Sayles and Madame Kellogg interfered—and at all events
I did not get it; another evidence of greatness, to be influenced
by  two or three old maids.
  I once heard Mrs. Willets say that a very eminent physician
had expressed the opinion that no one person ought to stay in
an  institution as an attendant longer than  one or two years at
the extent; for mind acts upon  mind.  There was one young
lady taken to  the institution while I was there, who had  become
partially deranged in consequence of taking care of her deranged
mother.  These facts all go  to  show up the motives of  the
Doctors  in my case.   Can any rational person wonder that I
am  nervous ?
   The  fact is, I never was blocked out  for a fashionable per-
son.  I have  no tact in fashionable society.  I  have no secre-
tiveness,  and suavity  is  rather a scarce  article;  and I am  a
miserable matter-of-fact being, almost a disgrace to community,
for  the simple reason  that I  have spoken  of.  But I hope the
managers of the institution will please see that I  have the value
of the articles they took from me when my trunk was opened,
under pretensions  of keeping them more safe than they would
be to remain in my trunk.  They first took one quire of  wri-
ting paper and three shillings of money, and a few envelopes.
In a few  months they took my shears, those for which I had
paid five shillings.   Miss  Eager took the first articles, when she 
4*i           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

marked my clothes  and also a dres* pin. for which I had paid
nine dollars.  The dress pin I recovered previous to my leav-
in"- by Dr. Gray's permission.  I had heard of patients losing
their  jewelry.   My pin was a jet  pin, and had a lock of my
father's hair, and also a lock of one of my brother's hair in it.
My brother is not  living, and my  father  I never expected to
see again.   The two circumstances made the pin very valuable
to me.  The last I heard of my shears,  Mrs Willets had them
in  custody  to take  them to  the office, and when I left I told
them what I had in the office.  The attendant went for them—
but behold! there were no such things there.   With my in-
sanity I have not been the person who has taken the value of
one dollar that did  not belong to me.  It is true my poverty
has allowed me to ask people for what I could not do without—
but not to be  guilty of petty larceny.  Such crimes in  me
would be recognized by law, but great fashionable and rational
folks are out of the reach of law—for such persons control law,
and the  poor folks  are the vulgar thieves.  Sixpence of that
money I went  nearly  one mile and  a half on purpose to ask a
friend—Mrs. Joseph  Bradley—to give me, which she did.  1
wanted some woolen yarn, for knitting, and went  to several
stores to obtain  it, without success ;  it was furnished me at the
institution, and  charged to  the city or county.   Part of  my
paper was  given  me by a  friend.   When Miss Eager was
marking  my clothes, she said it would  be a pleasure to her to
do the marking if the  clothes of all the patients were in as good
order  as  mine.   It  appears that she thought that my trunk of
clothes looked quite rational for a person who had been crazy
ten years and a half.  I felt quite complimented, and told her
that I had been obliged to make all my arrangements myself,
and I did think that  they were expecting rather too much from
a violently insane person;  yet I knew that they thought me
quite superior.
   I hope  the public  will excuse my egotism ; for I have been
obliged to cultivate  it in Syracuse, to keep myself above the
repulsive  influences that I was daily forced  into contact with.
I have had to go around just like  an old porcupine, for years.
Porcupines will  keep their  quills  erect as long as they think
there is  any danger of their rights being  invaded, and they
generally feel so at  the sight of a human being.   The women
are my most inveterate enemies.   The God of nature has seen 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         43

fit to furnish all animals, and reptiles, and insects, and fowls,
and fish, with weapons of warfare ;  and why is God the author
of these things,  if it is  not  right that we should protect our-
selves ?  I do not think that a female has much self-respect that
will not make an  effort  to protect herself.  Self-protection is
one of the  most noble  principles of man's nature.  Thomas
Paine  said that to love  our  enemies is simply offering a pre-
mium  for crime.   I  presume that  God  knew previous to my
existence that I should have  to  fight the Syracuseans, and it
would  require great combativeness to do justice to those amia-
ble ladies, who  were never crazy in their  lives, but always ra-
tional on all points.   I am proud to know that my insanity is
in my  head.  I have no  sympathy with  the mania that  pre
vails in Syracuse in certain circles, for they are certain to com-
mence hostilities with me.  There is so wonderful a grace at-
tached to virtue that even the worst of characters acknowledge
its power, though they are incapable  of feeling  its effects.   I
am sorry that brass is made a substitute for brains in so many
cases as it is.  But hope is based on the  energy of character.
A strong mind  always hopes, and has always  cause  to hope,   '
because it knows  the mutability of human affairs, and how
slight a circumstance may change the whole course of events.
Such a spirit, too, rests upon  itself.   It is not confined to par-
tial views or to one particular object; and if at last all should
be lost, it has saved itself—its own integrity and worth.   It is
a soothing consolation that truths and facts do not depend upon
our belief or disbelief of them.   I mean to do all that I can for
such as are predisposed to insanity, and if I cannot do anything,
they must take the will for the deed; for the bewildered and
woe-begone and listless countenances that lined  the institution
at Utica will ever be a prominent feature in my memory.   To
see a long room with forty women traveling to and fro, and
numbers in the company in a half-abstracted state of  mind, re
minded me of the Arabs in  the deserts of Arabia;  although
the Arabs are  capable  of fixing upon some purpose  or other,
yet they have to travel over  a great deal of ground to accom-
plish a little.  But I do feel as though it would be a loss to the
world  and the rising generations to throw away so much Amer-
ican talent and  originality as there is thrown away in that in-
stitution for the insane;  for when the unfortunates get there it
is too  late to save them.   And  what wreck can be so great as 
44
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
     the wreck of a great and noble mind, which is the noblest work
     of God ?   If rational  peonle could know what passes in  that
     house, even in one week's time, before the end of another week
     the house would be vacated.  Most of the attendants wear a
     surlv and forbidding countenance, for the  purpose of keeping
     the patients in fear of them and subservient to their wishes;
     then thev will mind quick and  do the hard and dirty work, for
     which thev are  well spoken to  the  doctors, though the fact of
     their  doing the drudgerv is  not  mentioned.  Their  conversa-
     tional powers, th«ir motives and manners, habits and ignorance,
     and the rules of the house, altogether form  a scene that a person
     of nice feelings can scarcely bear to look  upon.   I have often
     closed my eyes to avoid witnessing these things.   The whole
     presents a pleasing spectacle for those who admire such.   In-
     stead  of becoming acclimated, the  patients  become  perfectly
     alienated from everything that is human, for their affections are
     not cultivated there, their reason has fled, and the mind runs at
     random like electricity from a cloud.
       When strangers are present. Dr. Benedict is all complacency,
X   and very much  of a gentleman  in his deportment, and his nat-
     ural  tone of feeling  is extremely  nice.    His  head  is rather
     small in  size, but it is not  the  quantity  of brain  that affords
     these  nice minds;  it is more the quality.  I should think that
     he was capable  of selecting rather an enlarged class of views or
     ideas, but he does not manifest them in the house ; still I think
     that  they do  exist in his mind.  His head  is smooth, and I
     think  he was blocked out for a very perfect organization.  Such
     folks,  however,  are not fitted for great responsibilities; their
     powers of endurance are not sufficient to  ensure them loner life.
     Dr. Benedict is  already a worn-out man.
       There is one fact I will mention, but I do not suppose it will
     do any good.   I feel impelled to express  my mind upon  the
     subject, and it proves to be this:—I do not think that it is right
     to take foreigners to any of the public institutions in the United
     States, and allow the different nations to  intrude upon the feel-
     ings of each other.   The most of the foreigners, the Catholics
     in particular, took delight in annoying the American ladies;
     they are educated to do such things; and there were  so many
     Catholic attendants there that they  were often encoura»ed in
     such things.  The foreigners ought to be placed by themselves,
     and have their own physicians and  their own attendants, and 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        45

 the Americans the same, for they do not understand each oth-
 er's  feelings  any more than swine and sheep do; but they are
 not to blame for their imperfections of character.   It is the ef-
 fect  of priest-craft.  They are a poor, ignorant, priest-ridden
 people, and  it is the imperfect human beings  who make the
 more perfect ones nervous, irritable and crazy; and then to
 fall into the hands and power of just such  a set in  the insane
 institutions as cause their insanity in the  first  place, is a two-
 fold measure, for there they are  locked in,  and if their friends
 call  to  see them they are not permitted to look  behind  the
 scene.  The  doctors direct the  attendants  to take the Ameri-
 can ladies out into  a better hall before their friends are per-
 mitted to see them.  It is so with  many of them.   They are
 neglected in  almost every respect.   I suppose  they have for-
 merly suffered very much for bedding; I had this from a reli-
 able source;  but now they are  furnishing the house with more
 comfortable beds and bedding; and  yet who  wants to lodge
 there after all who  are taken there1?  I hardly  saw a mattress
 in the house  fit for  a person of cleanly habits to sleep on.   I
 usually took  care of my own room, and I had  the reputation
 in the institution of being a good house-keeper.  I did not wear
 dirtv or ragged clothes,  unless  I  tore some old dress to vex
 the doctors, for that was enough to get them all to simmering,
 when they would boil over, and that afforded me a little sport.
 The  good girls enjoyed it as well as myself.  Dr.  Benedict  I
 called Nero,  and Dr. Cook was Robespierre; and there is an
 other wee bit of a specimen of  the  human family who is only
 fit for a band-box;  he has not  sufficient powers of endurance
 to last him more than two hours, but he was not deficient in
authority.  He wore himself all out threadbare in trying to
make a great man of himself, and still he grew less and less all
the time;  but  Dr.  Gray was  "Old Rough and  Ready."   I
should think  he was a  very good scholar, but rather low and
vulgar.   He  was a person whom I  could not respect, although
he had redeeming traits of character.  He had many generous
impulses or. a large scale.   His origin was Dutch and  Irish, if
 [ am not mistaken.  I suppose he thought more of waiting on
the. ladies in the. city than he did of the patients,  but  he was not
as well paid for it.   Dr.  Cook  was devoted to the  patients in
his own way, which was  to show his authority.  The doctors 
46
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
all mow a great swath there, but if I am nob mistaken God
will handle them without mittens yet.
  1 do not believe in capital punishment, and never saw an ex-
ecution.  But if the rules of that house will allow them to mur-
der in an indirect  manner,  as they do, and as they calculated
to murder me, I do not see why I am not justified in wishing
to have those doctors executed,  just the same as though the
murders  were acts of momentary impulse—and much more
so, I think, for a person that is murdered in an instant, does not
suffer equal with those that live a long time in torture.   Those
doctors profess to be rational men, and their treatment of me
was simply in gratification of their revengeful  feelings; I was
told so, moreover, by one of the good attendants.  I have the
same right to harbor  revengeful feelings that they have, and
even more, for I am still suffering from the effects of their mur-
derous treatment.   I  must  say that  Dr. Benedict,  and Dr.
Cook, and Dr.  Gray,  and old Priest  M. of Syracuse,  are the
first persons and the only ones that ever I felt as though I could
see  executed.   But I do feel as though it would relieve my
feelings of a great  burden to  look on and see them swung off;
and I was not alone in feeling so while in the institution.   I
have seen some  of those patients when the expression of their
eyes was such  that one might  think to light a  candle by the
electricity that flew from them when  speaking of the doctors.
And any person with my  experience might say the same of
others if they had moral courage enough to speak the  truth
and give the same account of themselves that I have,  and feel
just as I do, and be honest enough to acknowledge that they
do feel so, after  telling what it is for, so that the community
may draw their  own inferences without experience.
  St. Paul  says, " Live in peace with  all, as far as  in your
power lies;" but Christ himself could not live  in peace even
while he was permitted to live, and that  was only thirty-two
years; yet much credit is given him for his amiable disposition
in sacrificing his life to save the world, or, to use my own Ian
guage, such a set of loafers as the world afforded at that time.
He wanted to live as much as other folks do, if the bible is re
liable authority; for it reads to that effect, in  three different
places.   His reconciliation was an involuntary one, decidedly
so—from compulsion.  There is no law in nature that leads
one to suffer from choice.  Happiness is  the aim of all man 
THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         47
kind, but the most of the world strike out a singular course to
obtain it.
  There was a very interesting little woman in the sixth hall
at the Asylum, whose name I have forgotten, and who was sick
in bed and had a very bad cough when I first  saw her; she
would often break dishes;  I called on her frequently ; she had
black hair, and what passes for black eyes, and a white skin, a
little freckled, but handsome.   One  day 1 was looking at her,
and I noticed a spot on the top of her head that was rather cu-
rious ;  the hair was short, and about the color of tan-bark, and
the spot was about as large as the palm of my hand. I asked
her what was the cause of that spot on her head, and she said
that when  the attendants  bathed her they threw soft soap on
her head and did not wash it  off, and it had taken off the hair
in a short time.   From the appearance of it, I judged  it had
taken off the skin also.   Frances Reed had charge of the hall
at that time.  Perhaps that act had added  to her happiness;
for 1 once heard her say that she could run daggers through the
patients, and  that  remark harmonized with her treatment of
them.   1 hope Catharine Gough felt  better after striking a lady
at ihe dinner table one day, for nothing; out of that place such
an act would have sent her to jail;  it was either  Miss Demp-
ster, or  the lady next to her.   I once asked one of the Catho-
l:c attendants if she confessed  all things to the priest; saying
that if  she did, I hoped she would  not forget the old strong
soft soap, fresh from the factory every week, which the patients
were obliged to use.   Just washing my  pocket-handkerchiefs
w ith it would sometimes  cause my  fingers to bleed.  Catha-
rine Gough was a Catholic, but she did  not do that deed.   I
never had spoken to Frances  Reed when  I went into the sixth
hall, but I knew  by her actions that old Em Sayles had told
her what disposal to make of my case.  The expression of her
countenance told me that; but 1 thought I should outwit them,
and I did.   I  discovered  that Frances  had small benevolence
and very large destructiveness, and the love of approbation was
also very large in her head;  so I  concluded she must be sus-
ceptible of flattery, and knowing that flattery would disarm a
person, 1 took to flattering her, and  by taking the advantage
of her weak points 1 fared first rate.   1 did all that I could to
^iake her think that she was a great fancy article,  and I won-
*lered that she had no more admirers; 1 thought the gentle- 
48           TWO YEARS AND THREK MONTHS IN

men were rather deficient in  taste, or  her superior  qualities
would be better appreciated.  It is a  positive fact that I did
save my life there by understanding something of human na-
ture.  A few weeks before I left there, Mrs. Hollis, the woman
that had charge of the hall that I was on, (the ninth hall,) told
me that the doctors were beginning to find out that it made a
great difference with the patients who  and what they had for
attendants;  but if they had not  understood that fact until that
late day, they must have been dull scholars, or there was a
great lack of interest; for I could have told any one that fact
any time within ten  years, myself, and  I am  no scholar—but
my feelings would tell me that.  As soon as I saw how mat-
ters went in the institution, I knew that I should fare hard ; but
I formed a determination to live through  it to tell the story.
I was brought up to believe that death was the king of terrors,
but I find that to be a great mistake; it is altogether in our
education.   I have found more to terrify me in life than I ever
shall in death, if the two-legged hyenas will stay away from me.
They are the amiable women of Syracuse.
  There was a Miss Gould in the Asylum, from Rochester, 1
believe; she died in  the hospital, and  I cannot  say  how she
fared there; but she was taken off from the second hall, when
ordered to the hospital, and I very well know  how she must
have fared in the second  hall.  Eliza Chapin had charge of that
hall, and Miss Gould suffered for want of care; she was deli-
cate and worn out, and would call for the  girls as long as she
had strength, and after a rest she would call again ; but Eliza
took no interest in the poor girl, or, if she did, she was too lazy
to move.   Delia  McKendrick was in the hall as an assistant,
and Eliza and  Delia  would  quarrel about  waiting  on Miss
Gould, and then neither of them  would half do it.   Such in-
fluences  must be very  healing to a well-bred,  delicate  and
sick person.  Eliza was  an American, and  Delia was an Irish
Catholic.
  I shall not cloak any low Yankeeism.  We have a right to
expect more from  an  American than from  a foreigner, for our
opportunities have been different from those enjoyed by the
foreigners.   The  Catholics are not capable of respecting our
rights, and we ourselves  have almost lost  sight  of justice to
any except the negroes and other foreigners.
  It was not safe for a patient to report one of the attendants 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        4«

to the doctors, for they would listen  to hear what the patients
said to the doctors, and then  thev  would watch their opportu-
nities for  revenge on the patients.   They could not reach the
doctors to cause them to suffer, but they would always be mad
if the doctors listened to what the patients  said, especially if
they got a reprimand.   The physicians  would not more than
get out of the halls before the help would say, " Now  look out,
madam, for next bathing day."  That meant holding them un-
der the water just as long as they dared, and more than once,
boo.   The bathing troughs are cast iron, and very  heavy ; and
one would be surprised to see the  marks of that iron  trough
on the limbs of the patients between the foot and knee joint.
There was generally the variety of colors and shades, such as
usually accompany bruises.   On a number of patients whom I
saw it was frightful to look at them.   At first I did  not com-
prehend it, and I asked them the cause.   They told me it was
the effect of being pushed against the bathing troughs and the
bedsteads.   I looked at the bedsteads, and they were  about as
solid  as iron;  they were made very heavy, with iron  bands
around each post, made fast with screws. That was right so
far, but the side pieces had sharp corners, and they were not
so pleasant to run against in a hurry, just when the attendants
saw  fit to give  them a  push.  I know they are often  rather
stubborn when being undressed, but  they are crazy, and such
treatment does not improve  them  in the least.   I sometimes
told them I had been a dress-maker,  and I appreciated  colors.
I thought we might as well laugh as cry.
  The rule book says that no patient must be deprived of go-
ing into the dining room to meals, except it  be by sickness or
excitement; but how often do the doctors do it because they
get mad  at a  patient  A Miss Webb was there, whom the
doctors  thought ought  to go to work, and  I was told  by the
help  that she  was not allowed to go into the dining room but
twice a day for a long time.   I know that she was rather lazy,
but that  did not cost them anything.  She was not sent there
for her indolence—she was sent there for her insanity;  but they
did not effect a cure.   I think an institution ought to be built
on purpose for a certain class of individuals who have never
done anything but infest society with their vicious habits.  They
are more detrimental to the  morals of  society than  the same
<;
4 
50
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 number of Tartars would be, for  the  Tartars would have no
 influence.
   I acknowledge that Dr. Benedict is a piece of native refine-
 ment, but circumstances have made him what he is.  The cir-
 cumstances by which he has  been surrounded have not been
 favorable  to his organization.   These facts are all to be taken
 into consideration in his case,  just  as much so as any other in-
 dividual, and it is high time they were taken into consideration
 and regulated accordingly, as fast as possible and as far as they
 can be.
   The insane  institutions are built much too large and too far
 apart.  There should be about four in the State of New York,
 where there is now only one, for  I noticed  that the nearer a
 patient's friends were to the institution, the better they were
 treated.  Strangers have too much confidence in the character
 of the house.   Dr.  Benedict  would be very useful in such a
 place  where  there was a more select class of patients.  Just
 take the grubs or the low order of bipeds out of his sight and
 hearing, and his brain would cool  off after a while ; but as he
 was situated in Utica, his feelings were not in a state to benefit
 even  the class  of patients that his organization and education
 had fitted him for.  Every institution requires a number of phy-
 sicians with different organizations, and then, perhaps, the va-
 riety will be capable of adapting themselves to the feelings of
 the different individuals.
   Dr. Cook's  nature is fitted for a class of patients of a very
 nice caste indeed, for the vulgar and the uncouth wear upon his
 nature fast enough  to wear him threadbare in nine days; and
 understanding  such  a nature myself, I took my own way to
 irritate both Drs. Benedict and Cook, but not until after they
 showed their  hoofs.   Dr. Cook I  often  called  " bub " — but
 " bub " and I were no longer friends after he told  the girls to
 take bread and water gruel into my room.   It is the motive I
 look at.  I thought I would  just let them know that their old
 iron and copper keys would never frighten me to make a great
 effort  to  secure  the  friendship of those who  carried them, or
 those  who locked me in  my room with  them.   There is not
 much  government in a bit of copper or iron as  long as either
 will not lock  up my mouth.   My tongue has the agency of
my brain, and neither  the use  of iron, steel nor copper will sup-
press the force of tacts that my brain manufactures and crowds 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         51

off at  the  end of my tongue.  To be sure, much steam has
evaporated through the pores that I should not have allowed
if the petticoat race had been more quiet; and I aim to ac-
commodate them all with just what their natures are the most
capable of appreciating, as far as I have the ability.   I do not
see how nor when  my tongue ever finds time to coat over for
a  fever, for  I should think that I could keep it worn smooth
dealing out justice to such as are strangers to it—such as choose
"darkness rather  than  light, because their deeds are evil."
" The  stronger must bear the infirmities of the weak," for if
the " blind lead the blind " both will surely run off the track
into the ditch, and perhaps their heads will find a pillow against
the curb-stone.   I  should be a blind guide, but I do not feel
guilty for any of the lessons I have given the Syracuseans, for I
am convinced that I have left the state of society in as good a
condition as  I found it, and in much more of an enterprising
condition.  When I came to Syracuse there was a general stag-
nation of business for the want of a little capital, and I happened
to have it on hand.   I worked off a little of my Yankeeism,
and the village was electrified with the Yankee enterprise.  It
has been a growing place ever since, and I think it bids fair to
make  he greatest thoroughfare in the Union.  Much credit is
due the  women.   I feel  very much disposed to eulogize the
ladies of Syracuse for their perseverance of character, for out of
their  combined energies I reap a rich reward.   I never should
make a great fuss in the world if I had not been thrown upon
my own resources.
   I suppose  the ladies of Syracuse will think  me rather com-
plimentary, if it is in something of an ironical way; and I hope
they will please to  acknowledge  it, by furnishing my tongue
with a new papilla.   To be sure, I can use it yet, but it is now
rather smooth, and  I think it has injured the sense of taste a
little.  But they have not allowed me as much time to rest as
the Bible allows to every one.   God allows me one day in seven
to rest, but the women have taken his business out of his hands;
for they have kept up the same old hot-bed during the Sabbath
as usual; as  perfect and as sublime as their ideas are, I have
been obliged to listen to them.  " From the abundance of the
heart the mouth speaketh."
   A low mind will   select low ideas;  but since my head has 
52
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTH8 IN
 become so hollow that I could have a sewer pass through it, the
 rubbish passes off with much less trouble than before.
   Fifteen years of the best part of my days have been spent
 for nought, trying to quarrel me into a religion that was estab-
 lished by twelve men by the sword, and of which the shedding
 of blood has ever been the consequence, and ever will be un
 less restrained by law.   What a sublime sight it must be to
 look on and see one man in  the agonies of death, surrounded
 by the fiery fagots, to gratify the feelings  of another man's
 destructiveness!   Do they get that piety from the Bible 1  No:
 they make  use of the Bible only as  a fashionable byword.
 Theory and  practice  are  two different religions.  But the ra-
 tional, pious people of Syracuse have nicknamed me;  and of
 course they will not object to my publishing facts relative to
 their treatment of me, as long as they consider me crazy;  and
 such  as they dare not say themselves, they will teach their
 children to  say.   But I  never as yet have had any reason to
 think that the fathers  of these children have  been  guilty of so
 low acts, for I find that many of  the women  are very careful
 how they deal  out to  me in the  presence of their own  hus-
 bands, and  so they would make it to appear that I quarrel all
 alone; that makes me out as the possessor of two tongues—
 an absurdity; for I never  was accused of  quarreling when
 alone, in my life.  They are much frightened lest I shall not
 prove to be  what they have represented me to be, and so they
 have had to  double their diligence, to keep ahead of their ticket
 They will go from  house to house to inform  one  another;
 " What an awful being she is ! I should be afraid of her.  Per-
 haps she will murder you, or kill  the children, and Ishould'nt
 wonder, if, before  she leaves the house, she should  step on the
cat's great  toe and put that out of joint!"   It is very true, I
have met with some men that I could not respect by any means.
I cannot say that, that  I do not know; but when I first went
into different families to make dresses, I was  told by some of
the ladies that there were a few gentlemen in  the place, whom
I had perhaps better avoid if possible, for just as like as not
they would not be polite to me.  I was not frightened, but kept
an eye out.  But, behold! the abrupt  treatment  that I have
received has been from the identical class  of  ladies that took
the responsibility upon themselves of telling me the news that 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        53

they did.  I never have been convinced that what they told me
was fact, but perhaps they had the best means of knowing.
  If the ladies in Syracuse had always treated me with as much
civility as the gentlemen have—to take them as they rise—I
could have got my living there independent of the public, and
not been obliged to go to the Lunatic Asylum for a home.  Dr.
A. B. Shipman told me, before  I went there, that I was  not
crazy, unless Emanuel Swedenborg was;  and I thought it ra-
ther a compliment, for I had read a small portion of bis wri-
tings, and 1 found him to be a very great man, and also a very
good man.  I thought something of the Doctor's judgment, for
he is  also on the  list with  the great men of the age.  But I
have  been told, since I left the  institution at Utica, that Dr.
Benedict said he thought me a little flighty.  That remark does
not ensure to him much credit;  it only proves the truth of
what I assert, that the institution is calculated to make rational
people crazy ; and if that is the case, are we sure it is the right
place for making crazy folks rational ?
  I suppose  that nearly five hundred  dollars  have been paid
by Onondaga county and the city of Syracuse for my  support
—I will  not say  benefit, for I know better;  and if they had
paid the same amount over to me at the time that I spoke to
them about  it, which was five or six years ago, I would have
owned a  handsome  little property by this time, and by the
rise in the value of property, I would have been ensured a good
living and a head full of useful knowledge.  But who has con-
trolled  affairs'?  Their  means have gone for  nought; while,
under  their  treatment, my mind has run at  random, every
which way, as to both intellect and feelings, so that I feel scarcely
like  a human being.   They were all rational,  of course, but I
am still destitute ot a " home."   " Oh, consistency! thou  art
a jewel."
  I was obliged to go  out of Syracuse to write this  publica*
tion.  I have a friend living a mile or two out of the city, and
I asked if she would allow me to write at  her house; she said
yes, at once, and the matter  was'settled.   She knows her own
business, and I have found it very pleasant at her house.  I am
not insensible to my inability in writing such a work as I wish
to write, for no one is more sensible than myself that my feel
ings  are  not exactly fitted for writing a work that would in
terest the intelligent reader, and my style of  composition is 
54
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTH8 IN
without much order.  I am giving but the outlines of what I
still retain in my memory; and I presume the outlines will be
better  than the filling up.  Perhaps in some subsequent work
the public will get more of the particulars.
  I must give the Syracuse gentleman credit for one act of po-
liteness ; they were some of the pious ones, and are therefore
entitled to much credit for such acts.   They one day got into
a polite fit, and ordered out the  City Marshal, with his car-
riage  and a  beautiful span of little Indiana ponies, to wait on
me up to  the Onondaga County House, about four miles from
Syracuse.   I was  acquainted with the gentleman, and he un-
derstood my arrangements perfectly well.  I told him I was
very much pleased with the opportunity of riding  out; that I
had seen the institution, and the location was beautiful, the air
salubrious—just  such an atmosphere  as my  constitution re-
quired during the warm season of the year—and that  I felt per-
fectly safe in regard  to the treatment, for I knew it  could not
be much worse than  such as 1 was  daily receiving.  And, sure
enough, I  met with  a warm reception at the County House,
although Col. Eaton  and his family were strangers  to me; 1
was admitted into the family and treated with respect.  The
orders were that I should be confined in a cell, because I was
a dangerous person;  but there I was—here, there, and every-
where, and no  one felt any danger ;  nor had  any  person rea-
son to feel in danger,  except the guilty—such as were  guilty of
injuring or trying to injure  me.   Col. Eaton said nothing
about atiy cell, except the parlor.   Of course, men who super-
intend public institutions are responsible for the full performance
of their duties;  and I think that Colonel Eaton understood his
responsibilities and liabilities very well; but he had moreover
a manly nature and  human feelings, and was ready to risk
something out of pocket for humanity's sake.  I believe there
were some threats, but the Colonel was a man, and told the
threateners that he was  prepared for them—they were at lib-
erty to draw upon him as quick as they pleased, and he should
stand  his ground with  them*.   While I was  at his  house, he
went to Syracuse and  looked around a  little, and found that
my friends were some of the first families in the place.  He
asked the men who were accessory to my going to  the County
House if they knew the nature of the character they were deal-
ing with.   " Oh, yes—certainly we do."  He  then  told the 
           THE NEW YOkK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        55

great men of Syracuse  that Miss Phebe Davis had forgotten
more than they all knew, and that she was one of the first wo-
men in the country, and had a very powerful intellect.   He told
me this himself; but I did not see the extent of his remark until
1 went to the insane institution, where I had  expected to see
great men—and there I compared their greatness with my own
handful of ideas, and, on the whole, I thought if they knew the
most, what little I did know was the most useful in the world ;
and when I came from  Utica I gave the Colonel credit for his
good judgment.   While  1 was at the County House a member
of Colonel Eaton's family gave  me two shillings, and invited
me to go visiting with them ; we had great times picking black*
berries—and, by the way, we had cream to eat on them; and
we had  most  excellent coffee, which  was also seasoned with
cream.  I gained three pounds  in weight and was much im-
proved within  six days after I went there.  Altogether, I made
a very profitable  job of it, for I  felt ten per cent, better every
way.  The Colonel was a very intelligent and an honest man ;
he is not a professor of religion.
   When I went to the  Asylum  at Utica—that haven of rest,
as some suppose it to be—I found that the superintendent was
a pious man.  When I first heard one of the patients say that
Dr. Benedict was a professor of religion, a cold  chill passed
through my system as quick as lightning ; and I felt as though
that chill had caused a general stagnation of my blood.   I knew
that I was locked into that place ;  and those feelings were caused
bv a remembrance of the manner that I had  been  treated by
" pious " people previously.
   What little blood I had left, when I came from the Asylum,
had ceased to circulate   I could not raise a vein in my hand,
any more than I could in a stone, until  I had been out a num-
ber of days.  One day  I  was  washing my  clothes, and  my
sleeves were rolled up; all  at  once  I  saw the blood passing
down one of the large veins in my left arm, and I stopped wash-
ing to look at it, for it was the first symptom of life that I had
seen ; I had thought that perhaps there was not vitality enough
left in me to enable me to hang  on to life; but I said nothing
to any one about it, and kept on moving slowly  about, going
where I could get such as I wanted to eat.  It was some mouths,
however, before I felt as though 1 could stand  straight without
fainting, and not until I had a long fit of sickness did I feel at 
Hi)           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

all like myself.   It was no wonder that I was diseased and bro-
ken down ; for  the atmosphere that I was compelled to inhale
into my system, some part of the time  that I was in the Asy-
lum, was rank poison to  the blood.
  There is a hall in that  house, away off by itself, which they
call number twelve, and in which there are six cells.  When a
patient gets there, I believe it is  considered the greatest pun-
ishment allowable.   But they went one  degree further with
me; I was sent to the hospital  water closet, and received my
meals in bed there.  When the hospital was waited on, I cov-
ered my food and myself up in bed ;  that was  better than no
method of avoiding the stench of the place ; but still I had to
take my meals  in a horrible atmosphere.
  It is a new idea to me, the making use of a water-closet for
a, sleeping room.  Any  place that afforded such a  stench in
any city corporation would  be made out a nuisance  by the
board of health at once,  and not allowed to remain unmoved
two days.
  The cells of which I spoke are in the middle of the hall, but
they are rather  small, and that leaves a  broad aisle all  around
the cells.   There are windows in the outside walls of the hall,
but not any glass in the  cells.   There is a little affair in the
cells that perhaps would  measure ten inches square.  I do not
know the mechanical name for it, but I called it  the young ven-
tilator.  The doors were what they called slat doors, and there
was a pretense  of ventilation  from the windows in the outside
wall of the house.  Mary Reynolds had  the care of No. 12,
and she knew nothing more of the laws  of health than a cow.
She could not  read  her  name when it was written, but she
could say  to the patients, " Sot ye down in this cheer, and not
spake until ye are spoken with."   Such dialects strike  the ear
beautifully, and with the  rest of the perfection in that house it
is a wonder that I did not improve while I was in those cells,
and water closet in particular.
  The cells are partly warmed  by a  furnace  in the  outside
wall of the  house, and partly' not  warmed at  all.   When I
went into  one of those cells I went from No. 11; and in that
hall there  was a large box-stove, and of course it  was the warm-
est hall in the house.   I  wore much less clothing than usual,
and my clothes  were very thin, for they were old summer ones.
I had  a single plaid shawl on when I went there, but Mrs. Ma 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        57

loy said that Dr.  Benedict told her to take that shawl out of
the cell, and there was not anything in the room, even a straw
bed.
   The patients who occupy  the cells at night are generally
very filthy, and the rooms have "to be cleaned every morning,
and of course that causes  them  to be  damp  nearly all day—
quite too damp to sit or lie on.   I had to lie on the floor and
run the risk of the  consequences.  I was quite too weak to
stand up all the time, and my shoes were not much thicker
than wafers; but  I thought I would keep myself alive if I could.
[ thought I should live to pepper them off just right yet, and I
even arranged some of this work while in those cells, which I
retain until this day.
   Some of the cells are plastered, and others are ceiled  up and
varnished ; but those that are  plastered are varnished, too, with
a new kind of varnish, such as I never before knew  rational
people to use for the last finish of a room.  That must be hu-
man refuse, and it must be that some one put on the coat with
a brush, for it was done just as even as any whitewashed work
I ever saw.  I perceived that the floor was clean, and what cre-
ated that perfumery I could not  tell.   I know that the patients
will do such things, but their  work is left more in the form of
landscapes, and that was the reason I did not  detect where the
trouble was in a moment.  As soon as I thought, I gracefully
met the surface of the wall with my nose ; the story was told,
and my nose made a number of calls in different places on the
wall; they were all just alike, and all looked alike.   It must
have been a very interesting job, for it was very harmoniously
done ; but to me  it was altogether a new medicine for insan-
ity, and the intellect that manufactured  that  idea must have
had a good  supply of electricity on hand—and it was a great
stretch of the  intellect  at that.   I think it would  be right to
award that man a gold medal  as a premium for his professional
skill.   He must have been a well-read physician.  It is true my
olfactory nerve has not been  as sensitive since that time, but I
do not consider that as much of a loss as it was to lose the use
of my right arm the winter  following, or, to  a certain extent.
I was not able to  put my hair up alone as much as once during
the winter, and I  could  not lift  anything of any  consequence
with my right arm for nearly  one year.  Mrs. Maloy got me a
phial of hartshorn liniment from the office, with written direc- 
58
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
tions for using it, and I had not used it but a few times before
Mary Reynolds snatched it away  from me, and  locked it up
in the clothes-press.   The next I'saw of it, Harriet Becker  had
it.   She was a patient, and she would help them do their work,
and  they would favor her.  It appears that Mary  had  told
Harriet not to let me see it, but she dropped the phial on the
floor, and she and Mary  looked at me to see if I saw it.  I
Would not condescend, however, to ask the great uncouth  bog-
trotter for it.  They had to give me medicine for a cough I
had  in consequence of taking cold in the cells and in the water
closet.   I was obliged to  have the window up all  the time ; it
was  late in the fall, cold and rainy, and no fire could reach me.
I  staid   in that place and in the cells the most of the time for
three weeks ; and when I was  in the cell  some of the time 1
had  no bed-clothes on my bed except some old torn blankets,
and  they were very filthy at that; they were what some call
Indian blankets.  I  kept what clothes I had upon  me, and  got
into  the straw just as hogs do in a cold night.  The straw was
damp, but that was  the best I could do with what I had to keep
house with.
   The patients who lodge  in the cells are generally so filthy
that  it is necessary to fill the beds with new straw every morn-
ing ;  and, rain or shine, the beds are  drawn through the yard.
What private family would think  a straw bed fit to sleep on
in that condition,  without a mattress 1   But crib  patients  are
all of them put on that damp straw as soon as it is taken into
the  house;  and also  damp clothes  and wet bed-clothes  are
used.
  It  is enough to make one shudder to see the helpless treated
as they are.   I can  describe the prominent circumstances, but
the great whole is one scene of abuse and suffering,  that  can-
not be told to the public by the use of the pen ;  for I will ven-
ture  to say that it is the most  complicated affair to describe I
ever knew anything about.   There is a double meaning to al-
most every  word, thought, and  deed.   Lying is the least of
crimes in that house.
   When Madam Kellogg told  Dr. Benedict what a criminal I
was,  I told him that she did not speak the truth, and she said
that  her word was as  good  as mine; that  was as  much as to
say that a lie was as good from her as the truth was from  me.
He listened to her very attentively, for she had  run to the of 
THE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         59
fice until she had got him perfectly rabid, and he was just like
a jug handle, all on one side.  As soon as I said a few words,
he saw that I was  telling  the truth, and  he flew  mad; but I
said all I had to say.
   I was told that the sink-room and bathing-trough missed me
a little.   Although I found the hall and sink-room in very good
order, when I went there, I thought I could improve the wash-
bowls a little, if I was somewhat  flighty.  Madam Kellogg's
tattling was not exactly lost to herself.   In the first place, she
enjoyed it very much, and it improved her looks some too, for
she had rather a short neck.  She  had to run to the office very
often to report  me, and she thought so much of Dr. Cook that
when she started for the  office her head went so much faster
than her  body that vt  generally reached the office sometime
before even her shoulders did, and of course her neck got to
be a suitable length for her body.   It really was quite elastic.
The fear of being an old maid was terrible to her; and Sally
Richards also made matrimony a topic  for conversation, and
nothing else.  When a patient went into the hall where Sally
or Madam Kellogg were, if they thought she  was more than
thirty years of age, they very soon made it their business to
ascertain what her condition was, and  if the lady proved to be
an old  maid, it  was truly a frightful  affair.  You would not
see a smile on their faces  until another lady appeared who had
been more fortunate, in having  had the good luck to get mar-
ried ; and  then madam  and Sally would  be  more cheerful.
Sally's neck got rather too long to look well, for she made it
her business to  count all the old maids at meal time in the di-
ning-room, and that gave her the opportunity of stretching her
neck a little; but hers was rather longer,  to start with, than
madam's was.   After  a while  I got  into  the hall Sally had
charge of,  and  I kept  her from being very idle.   I told Dr.
Cook that she said she  would inform  him of all my proceed-
ings, and I thought best to keep her mind informed.  " Bub:'
managed the card  very well.  Dr. Porter was there then, and
he helped  me along a little, for he was full of game  himself.
The patients would be around in a careless way, but they heard
what the tattlers told the doctors about me, and  then I could
outwit  Sally.   The old tattlers in the institution I called the
' 'express train."   Em Sayles belonged to the swift train, and we
have one very superior character in Syracuse who belongs to the 
60
TWO YEAKS AND THREE MONTHS IN
same company.  She is capable of occupying a very conspicuous
position in the company, too.   Her tongue has been running a
race with the telegraph news for a long time, until at length I
believe the company have thought it best to employ her tongue
in preference to electricity, in case of emergency, for  her line
of business is not confined to one route.   She is truly eloquent
in imparting, displays much taste in her selections, and is highly
spiced with tact; these qualities make her interesting even in
fashionable society.  She is able to  follow two occupations,
and the two together afford her a rich living.   I do not ask any
one to take my word; just call on Elizabeth S. T., in the Pine
Grove, and look  for yourself.  She is a rag-carpet weaver, and
she has everything convenient.  Her house  is beautifully fur-
nished.   She has large ideality.  All of her furniture is very
neatly arranged.
   It is Mrs. J., I believe, who  took the  premium at the state
fair, for her remarkable  business talent, and likewise her lo-
quacity or conversational  powers.  She took the  responsibility
upon herself of telling   Mr. Berry that  she  thought  me  a
dangerous person.   She  told him she was afraid I  would fire
her house.   He called there to make her a present of  some-
thing to eat, and she would create a little  sympathy by  retail-
ing what she knew to be false; and Mr. B., from some cause
or other, saw fit  to pass it over to one of the neighbors whom
I did not know, and neither did I Mr. B.   I was told that Mrs.
J. had got a new agent, and I thought as Mr. B. and the fam-
ily where she spoke of it were both  strangers to me, that in
self-defense I would drop in and see the priest on the occasion,
and also the other family, and the priest said, she did tell him,
and that he spoke of it;  but  I cannot see what his motive was.
Any intelligent man ought to have known  what her motive
was by her conversation and the looks of her house.  I  thought
it rather an injudicious act in the man or in a minister of the
gospel to report  such news, from sources of the kind, as he did.
Such circumstances are derogatory to  a person's  character.  I
always think it is doing as we would be done by to look  on all
sides before we speak of what  we hear from such sources, for
the nature of such a tongue is to injure some one or another •
and they do not take their inferiors, because there are none
such in existence; they do  not trouble  their equals, for they
are a harmonious set by themselves, and of course they always 
           THE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         01

take their superiors to throw off their hot lava at.   I believe
that Mrs. J. has a whole volume stereotyped and the copyright
secured, and she. can peddle at her leisure.
  To sum up the gossips in all classes in Syracuse: they re-
mind me of the old Yankees, when a swarm of bees leave the
hive or premises.  Bees are noted for order; and it is sup-
posed that, when they have left a hive, if confusion can be made
among  them, they will  light, and so be  again  secured.   On
such  an occasion you will see all the girls and the mother and
the grandmother ransack the pantry and the woodshed for all
the old tin pans and pails and brass kettles, and the old warm-
ing-pan  not excepted, and one would think  that Bedlam had
really broken  loose ;  sometimes the racket will cause the bees
to light; they lose  their  point of compass.  The idle clatter
of women's tongues  in the city will  produce just such a state
of confusion in  my head as the old tin pans, pails and kettles
do with a swarm of bees.   I can derive about as lmich definite
knowledge by listening to  the  confusion of the tin-ware, as I
can  by listening to the  conversation  of the ladies in the city.
That was what first hurt my head.  There was such a nothing-
ness  in  their  ideas,  that  it bewildered my brain.   Going to
meeting  affected me in a very similar manner.  I could not
walk straight,  after listening to a sermon ; neither could I after
sewing all day.
   I  have learned by  observation how to take care of myself;
for I find  Doctors to be ignorant of the nature of such cases.
I know  of a  great many  women that are perfectly wretched
when out of a state of confusion; I have seen such cases, and
observed  the  mental condition  of  the parties; they will be
just as wretched as though they were in the greatest possible
trouble, and I believe such folks could be thrown quite off of
their track by compelling  them to stay in  a  clean house or
well-ordered room.  Although Mrs. J.'s house needs purifying
as with fire, I think it would be a dangerous  operation, for 1
presume she would be an inmate of the Lunatic Asylum in less
than one week's time, where I know they would take her to be
an  old  guinea-hen, their voices  are so much alike, while  her
features  are not far behind the hen's, and she has scolded so
much at the top of her voice that I believe she will yet be able
to cut a person's head off  with  that sharp instrument of her's.
1 dare not go  very near the house, for  fear of losing my head— 
62
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
and then it would go that I had committed suicide; I could not
defend myself, and for that reason I had rather dodge her house.
If I was going to burn the house, I would rather see ft take in-
side, for I'm thinking the bed-bugs would dance a cotillon, and
the  moths would call upon the rocks and the mountains to fall
on  them for their depredations with the carpet-rags.   When 1
was about going to Utica Mrs. J. owed me money ;  I owed a
milliner four shillings, which  she promised to pay for me the
next week, and I  promised the milliner accordingly—but it
was not paid ; the  balance of what she owed me she had prom-
ised to pay me when I came back from Utica, but she has not;
there was twelve  shillings  my due, and I presume it always
will be.
  They had kept the remainder of what change I  had at Utica,
and when  I left there (it was  the first of February) I had no-
thing to wear upon my hands except a pair of black mits that
I wore there.  1 got some knitting to  do,  to get  me a pair of
winter gloves and a pair of shell side combs.  (Eliza Chapin
let the crazy women  get my combs  out of my room, and that
was the last that I saw  of them; they gave me a cheap pair
of  horn combs when I  left.)   When I got my knitting done,
two ladies found out what 1 had been about, and one of  them
gave me four shillings, while the  other went with me and told
me  to select such  a pair of gloves as I wanted and she would
pay for them ; then 1 bought a nice hair-brush with what I got
for  my knitting.   I felt very grateful to the ladies.  They were
not of the " gentry " who made me  these presents.
  At this time I  had to do just as I could, for I  could not do
much at the best; I had no place where I could do things to
advantage, and indeed nothing wherewith to do what I would.
I was obliged to stop with a very dirty family, which was different
from  oeing in the Asylum,  but nearly as bad.  My head was
still  terribly affected, and what to do for that I did not know-
Having a slight acquaintance with Dr. Lathrop, a clairvoyant
physician, I concluded to consult him.  While in  the clairvoy-
ant  state, he looked at my brain,  and said that it was too large
for  my skull; that it pressed against the  skull, and that was
what caused the awful suffering that I had to endure.   He said
that the skull would not expand, nor  the  brain  contract, and
the  feeling must be almost insufferable at times;  that this nut-
shell of mine was full,  and some of the  organs had been so 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        63

much excited as to cause inflammation, which must be drawn
off before  there could be a different state of things.  He said
that some parts of my skull were very thick, and on my asking
the cause of this, he said he thought it was an influence exerted
upon me before my birth.  Dr.  Lathrop's instruction together
with his humanity did me more good than a whole nation of
such as  Dr. Benedict, though he  be  Superintendent of the Lu-
natic Asylum.  Dr.  L. is the first and only physician that ever
told me anything  about my head that was of  any benefit to
me.   He  asked what injured me, and I told him—a combina
tion of circumstances.
   Before I left the Asylum, my head was in such a condition
that I could find no relief except  in screaming at the top of my
voice a short time, so that the hot tears would pour out of my
eyes—hot enough  to scald them, so  that they would smart just
like any other  burn ; it injured  them very much, but I could
relieve them by the external application of cold water.   They
kept giving me cordial; but the feelings in my head, that caused
that screaming, were beyond control;  it was the circumstances
which surrounded me which produced this state of things in my
head.  The  Doctors in  the institution did not try to remove
the cause, and  of  course they wrould not, for they themselves
were the cause, and they knew just enough to dabble with the
effects.
   Mrs,  7 lollis had charge  of the ninth  hall, where they kept
me fo. .. number of weeks before I left.   She told me that she
would get me  away from there; and I  answered that if she
did not  until I treated those Doctors politely, she never would;
for to die  was no disgrace—but to degrade myself by treating
them fashionable brutes and murderers with respect, I never
should leave this world with that load of guilt on my mind;
and 1 never did treat them any better.  A short time before
my departure, Dr. Benedict was around with some of his blar-
ney, and I very soon told  him that he  lied; perhaps he told
that lie  on purpose to see if I was any more humble.   But not
while I  could draw  one  breath  was I in  fear of their punish-
ment ; although their treatment injured me, it was no punish
ment, for  1 had done nothing but  simply act my part in the
game.
              " Honor and shame from no condition rise;
               Act well your part—there all the honor lies." 
64           TWO  YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

  Although I played the game in rather an odd way, I did the
best I could with what I had to do with.
  This world never could make anything of me by putting me
in low ground.   Those that have an influence over me must al-
low their  authority to  be a scarce article.  " You shall," and
" You shall not," are but cyphers in my ears.
  There was a Mrs. Boyce in  the institution as a patient, who
was a Yankee, with  a  head of a high order; and the lower
class of attendants thought they could govern her also;  but
her motives were  above theirs, as  her  head was higher than
theirs.  Their treatment of her and  her  disease caused  her
head to suffer in a manner similar to my own.  She told me
that there was  no  relief for her head but  in screaming just as
loud as  she  could scream ; and the more noise she could make
the better she felt.   I know that same by  my own experience.
When the brain gets to just such a state as to press against the
skull, the pain cannot be quietly endured for a single moment;
there  must be a reaction; but the influences that produced the
disease  cannot cure it; different  influences and different cir-
cumstances  only can effect a cure.  As soon as Mrs. Boyce
manifested  that state  of  mind,  Dr. Cook  began to  bark
at her;  but that  only added fuel  to the  fire;  she told him
often that she could not help  it, but it made no  difference;
he kept up his barking at her. At length, one day I heard a great
racket ; I was  in  the  sixth hall—a very hard hall, too; who
should  make her  appearance  but Mrs. Boyce, screaming and
squealing  along, and " Bub " Cook tagging after her.  After
he went out of the hall, I thought 1 would take her in hand, for
I was acquainted with her, and knew her disposition; I had lis-
tened to what " Bub "  said to her, and  it was only threats of
sending her into a  still  worse hall if she  did not stop her noise,
but it made no difference for the better; the worse the halls
that he  might put  her into, the more screaming she had to do,
until her brain was relieved, and then she knew enough to stop,
without " Bub " to tell her when.  I met her in the ironing-
room, after  she got  better, and she said that she owed her life
to me for  the assistance I had rendered her that day.   The fact
is, they did not know what to do for her, and  they did not
care; they  did not study her feelings, but were determined to
have  their  own will; there was a rush  of blood to her brain
and when  that  was relieved, there was  no more trouble ; th« 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        65

Doctors  imagined that she was "mad,"—that was their igno-
rance of the laws of mind.   T presume that "Bub" had not
read of any such  case, and he thought it must be that she was
ugly, and he would not bear it.
   Now I can  tell a worse story than that about myself, and a
true one.'  I can tell when  my head will not bear any more,
and then  if I can  manage to get to  one place, I do, on purpose
to let  the  steam  off my brain; that family knows enough to
know what and where  the  trouble is, and  what the remedy
must be.  The lady of the house told me once that I might
have the best room in her  house on purpose for the business.
She  said  that I could make just as much noise as I had a mind
to, and just as bad a one as I chose.  The room was one good
enough, in which  to clear  out the  rubbish from my brain;  it
was  her  front parlor, the walls of which were  lined with the
paintings of her only daughter and  only child, a beautiful sight
for the eye to rest on ; those paintings will  tell  the rising gen-
erations  that  such a woman had once lived, they will speak
louder and longer than  any  obituary, although they are some-
times just.  How many young ladies does  Syracuse  afford,
who can  cover their  parlor walls  with their own labor in the
form of landscape paintings.  I hope some of them will hereaf-
ter use their hands more  and their tongues  less.  Was thai
family ever guilty of telling  me what the low rabble said about
me?   No:  they  had  something else to do besides listening to
a lingo about Phebe Davis.  The nature of a gossip is, not to
say much unless  encouraged in it.   The old feelers go around
to tell the neighbors what  1 am, and to see how strong their
party is,  and to pick up all the news that is out, to new-vamp
the old with the new.   It  has come to be very  much like the
boy's old jack-knife ;  he said that he had got three new blades
and four new handles, and it was the same old jack-knife still. But
I should  think that the boy would  feel as though he had about
lost  sight of  the original knife.   I have thought the women
must consider me just as good as  new; for every little while
they new-vamp me up, and I am the same being yet that I was
when they first set me up for a shooting-mark, and I remain
the most prominent character  in  a population of thirty-two
thousand.
   There  is a  family  on Green street; that has had an active
membership in the wolf-circle; both the old man and woman, 
(56           TWO YEARS AND THHEE MONTHS IX

and even the son's wife, have been interested.   But I am think
ing they had insanity in earnest, in the nest of offspring.  It is
true, I did not hear anything about the case the first time Mrs.
C. was in the institution, until  after she had gone;^ but the se-
cond  time  that  she was there  she was a crib-patient, and of
course she was on the  sixth hall, which was  the  hall next to
the one I was in.  When 1 went into  the dining-room I could
hear her noise very plain, and  knew who it was.   I  told  the
girls that she squealed worse than I did, and they asked me if
I was not a little wicked; I told them that perhaps I was, but
I had been  crazy long enough to be wicked, and I meant to be.
for I had their example, and that would make any body wick-
ed ;  for they were a curious family ;  but their daughter died
there; and  I was asked what sort of  a set they were, and  an-
swered that I thought her insanity was hereditary, for they all
acted crazy to me.  But, " Such measure as ye mete out to
others, it shall be measured to you again."   My sympathy,
however, was all locked up at that time.
   There was another young Miss, who was in the habit of  re-
tailing a little for my benefit,  and who  was taken from  the
evil to come.  E. B. could  ask  if I was crazy.  Her influence
in society  was about equal  to the bite of an asp.   She has
peddled out a great deal of snake-in-the-grass lumber for me, and
now it is my time to speak.   She never was brought up to be
useful in the world, neither was she originally blocked out for
usefulness  in life in any sphere  whatever.
   I begin to think that God is about taking up on my side, and
I think it is about time that I had some help from some quar
ter; I am  thankful  for  small favors, and hope I shall soon re-
ceive favors on  a larger scale,  for I have got about to the end
of the path, and it is a long road that has no turn ; but if I turn
at all, it must be into an open lot, for the present, for I do not
know a dollar bill from the leaf of an old almanac.   I live in
hopes of being restored to my senses; but it is no more strange
that I should become idiotic, under the influences at Utica, than
that others should.  There was Charlotte Gleason, a young lady
at the institution, who grew idiotic and  died soon after.  It was
a great relief to hear that she  was dead, for I had heard how
she was treated under the care  of Mary Reynolds.  There is
a law which protects cattle from treatment no worse  than that
which patients receive  at the hands of the Catholic attendants 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        07

in that institution.   Mary Reynolds  is just fit to wait on the
guillotine, or some slaughter-house.   I have seen  Henrietta
Fullham drag Charlotte  Gleason around the veranda by her
hair, times without number, until she  had  but a trifle left on
her head.  Although Henrietta was a girl of generous  im-
pulses, she was as boisterous as a boatman.   She was a Cath-
olic, and could read her prayer-book, but could  not write nor
read writing.  Mary Reynolds told  me that on  one  occasion,
before Charlotte became idiotic, her  mother came to see her,
and she was taken into the state parlor for that purpose ; Mary
said that when Charlotte saw her mother, the house fairly rung
with her screams—they were enough to pierce  the heart of a
stone—and the words that she uttered were,  "  Oh,  hell! oh,
hell!" and then, "My  dear mother, where  did you  come
from % "   Those screams and her language were  an expression
of her feelings.   How well I can understand Charlotte's feelings
at that time.
  I  have seen  Henrietta Fullham treat other patients in the
same manner that she did Charlotte  Gleason ;  it is a common
occurrence, in the  bad halls, to drag patients around by the
hair, and pull their hair when  combing it;  to-be-sure, that lat-
ter  cannot always be avoided, but I have often seen it done on
purpose.  Margaret Loudon was very kind to  me, but when
she combed the hair of patients in the morning, I did not wish
to be present.  Margaret was  English, but a girl of very su-
perior talent, though not cultivated.  I once read of  the death
of a young lady, in consequence of putting up her hair in a
manner different from her usual custom, and she lived but  a
short time after it.   I would advise all who take their friends
to the Asylum, to cut their hair very short indeed ; it is much
better for the patients to have their hair cut off short than to
have it pulled out by the roots; if it is only shingled, or cut
in the neck, it is more convenient for them to get a quick hold,
than when it is put up with a  comb; but a great many neg-
lect or refuse to wear a tx>mb, and such must look out for their
hair; there is no preventive  against the  attendants making
halters of the hair of patients, except by cutting  it close to the
head.
  There was a Mrs. Truesdell there as a patient, on the ninth
hall, when  Catharine Gough had charge of it; and she would
have remained there until doomsday, had there not  occurred 
68
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
a change of attendants and physicians.   After the contempt!.
ble Dr. Cook left the house, Dr. Gray took his  place, and he
took Mrs. Truesdell off from  the ninth and  placed her in the
sixth, a better hall, where I was at that time.   I soon discov-
ered that Mrs. T. was rather timid, and had been frightened
nearly out of  her senses.  I thought I would  try to approach
her, and went to her door and rapped gently ; at first she was
very wild,  and would  start and tremble like a leaf, and get ex-
cited at everything, for her mind was in such a state that she
could not help it, until different influences  were exerted upon
her and had worn it off!  I continued calling upon her, but did
not say much, and what I did say was with cautiousness; after
a while I asked her to call on me—which she did,  manifesting
at first some fear, but as I made her welcome, and allowed her
to look at my things,  her  timidity gradually wore off, and at
length I gained her confidence.  She  told me that I was the
first person that she had  found in the  house, with whom she
could make friends.  Hannah Nash  had charge of  the  hall;
she was a rather quiet, self-possessed, easy sort of body.   Mrs.
Truesdell improved, and soon went into a still better hall; in
a few months  she went home.  But she told me  that if Dr.
Cook and the Irish help had not left, she should have gone with
the rest of the raving patients.  Old  Em  Sayles broke out
one of Mrs. T.'s  teeth with  a key, trying to poui  medicine
down her throat; the same was done in other cases.   Mrs. T.
told me that she one day asked Kate Gough to unlock a door
for her, and Kate flew at her  like a wild wolf, took hold of her
hair near the temple, and  jerked her down into a chair, and in
a moment a lump as large as half of a hen's egg came on her
temple;  Kate was frightened, and got her  into her room, and
with a case-knife endeavored to put the protuberance  back, and
after a while it went away.  It was such treatment  that caused
Mrs. T.'s extreme excitability of mind, while in the ninth hall.
I often made her little presents from my work-box, and it was
kindness that restored her to her reason and knowledge,  inde-
pendent of Dr. Benedict's skill.  She had weak eyes, and when
she went there she wore a pair of ear-jewels that had been left
her by a deceased aunt, and valued at six dollars; her father
purchased them and another pair, at a cost of ten dollars, as
presents for his  two  sisters; and one of the sisters had left
these to her niece, Mrs. T., who would not have taken ten dol 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYXUM.         69

lars for them ; she told  me  that Catharine Gough and Henri-
etta Fullham took them out  of her ears, Kate saying she would
take them to the office;  Mrs. T. said that she afterward asked
Dr. Gray for them, and he  answered that there was no such
jewelry there; she  had hopes of recovering them some time,
but I presume they  were taken care of as my things were.   It
is not safe to take either good clothes, or money, or jewelry
there.
  I put some flannel into the wash one week, and it was just
seven weeks before  I got it  back.  I told a lady at the table,
one day, in the presence of  Sally Richards—who had charge
of the hall at the time—that  when the attendants went home I
intended  to have them searched; that afternoon I went down
into the fine ironing-room,  and on my return I found  the  flan-
nel  in  my room.   I had given Sally no peace after the  first
week, for I knew that was  the only way  to get back  my
flannel.
  I will give the outlines of  Mrs. Chatfield's treatment at the
hands of Catharine Gough and Henrietta Fullham.  Certainly
Mrs. C. was a troublesome patient, but  none the less so for
their scolding her half to death.  She told me that every time
she  was bathed, they took a  broom  and  scrubbed her just as
they did  the  hall; and they let  water run into her  face and
into her ears, and on her feet, not exactly hot enough to burn
or blister, but warm enough to make her face and hands feel
very uncomfortable; she said it would smart  worse than a
blister; and they would both get hold of her when she was  in
the  bathing-trough, and jam  her head against one end and her
feet against the other.  It was necessary for her to wear some
of the time what they call a  waist, and she said that once, while
Kate  was putting on her waist, she (Mrs. C.) happened to re-
sist  a little, when Kate got mad and bent back her hand so far
that in a moment it was nearly  as large as two  hands, and for
a time she thought her wrist was broken; she cried, and Kate
was so frightened that she went into the dining-room and got
some sugar and offered it to  her if she would stop crying.  I
asked her why she did not tell the doctor; she said  that her
mind was just like a little child's, and they knew it—and they
would first abuse  her and then  coax her with a lump of sugar.
She was a Yankee, and they were both Catholics.  But these are
only a few prominent circumstances out of a  year's train of 
70
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
abuses.   Mrs. Chatfield was a very interesting person, and that
called out their envious feelings.
  What I did not know of the Catholics before, I found out
while I  was at Utica.  They hated the sight of Sarah Stout
and Mrs. Mars, because they  were educated,  interesting and
delicate.  I  have seen those great overgrown  Irish girls jerk
Sarah Stout's hair on purpose, when  combing it,  and it ap-
peared to add to their happiness.  It made them mad to hear
those crazy  patients say things which they  themselves could
not think of.  I once saw  Mary Reynolds strike  Mrs.  Han-
nah Gifford in the face with her fist, and her nose bled a stream ;
Mary wet a cloth  and held it to Mrs. G.'s face, and, looking
at me, said she had cut her lip with her tooth ; but my eyes
were worth  forty such lies.  I labeled Miss " Madam Mary,"
and thought to myself I would put that act of hers on paper.
I would as  lief that my nose should come in  contact with a
steam-engine as with one  of those great  Irish  fists which the
patients are but too familiar with in that house.   Mrs. Gifford
was a Quakeress, from the  society near Rochester.  I thought
I had heard profanity before, but when Mary struck Mrs. G,
I took a new lesson.  Her temperament  was just  as fine as
No. 100, and what she could not think of,  nobody could.   She
was a very crazy woman, and had on a leather muff at  the time
Mary struck her.
  I do not pretend to tell all that I saw there, for it cannot be
told;  but I select a few prominent circumstances, and  give the
particulars as minutely as possible; that will enable people to
draw  their own  inferences; thinking persons, and such as un-
derstand character, will know that if these are but the  outlines,
the filling up must  be equal to it.   In truth, it is the case ; but
after reading and believing  it—for it is every word true—the
world  will still remain in darkness on  the subject; as the
managers of the establishment aim to do their worst deeds
out of sight.   The  help in the institution rather  thought that I
should never leave there alive;  but, most of the time, I thought
I should.
  When I was in the sixth hall Frances Reed told me that she
was very much afraid that  Margaret Loudon would break the
patients' limbs in handling  them so rough; and she said they
sometimes showed marks  of violence  to the doctors.  I said
" What then ]"  " Oh," said she, " I tell the  doctors that they 
THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         71
hurt each other."  Although Frances Reed was very humane
to me, after she got acquainted with me, she was not fit for
that place.   I thought strange of her telling me what she did;
but  if I  had given them.my opinion  in  every  respect, they
never would have told me half as much as they  did—I never
should have  left  there  alive, and these facts would  have
been buried  with me and'lost to the world.   In order to se-
cure them, I had to use a little policy ;  for a patient that
even told  the doctors too much,  must look  out for her life
there.
   There was another old black hobgoblin of a grass widow of
a thing, from Syracuse, in the shape of a hired help; her name
was Carey;  she made it her business to dictate to the help in
the hall where I was when I left;  but I told them all that 1
had read the rule-book, and I had the same right to good tea
and coffee  and milk that they had, ard it silenced the fuss.  I
was interrogated about the rule-book, as to who let me see it;
I told  them it was not for me to tell, but for them to  find out,
if they could.
   Mrs. Hollis allowed me to go into the dining-room  every
morning and night and prepare my own tea and coffee.   Miss
Sarah Sharts and  Miss Gwen Owens were  on the ninth hall
 with Mrs.  Hollis, with whom 1 fared very well.  Mrs. Hollis
 was English, Sarah Sharts an American, Gwen Owens was
 Welsh, and Madam Carey an American.  Sarah  Owens was
 on the sixth hall;  she was a real little lady, and a warm friend
 of mine; she was quite intelligent, and Gwen was a very fine
 scholar.   As far  as living was concerned, in the basement—
 Mrs. Maloy was  first help in the hall, and Mr. Maloy was in
 the kitchen that cooked for the basement; of course the other
 girls fared as Mrs. Maloy did—and that was well enough; he
 gave them baked  apples and  a plenty of cream and sugar to
 eat on  them;  at  the same meals, all of the patients drank
 skimmed  milk in their tea and coffee, except Harriet Becker,
 who was allowed to fare with them  because she would help
 them do  their work.  And  it was about so in all the halls;
 the patients had  to buy favors; but I would not do it; my
 board was paid for, and I would not pay for it the second time
 by doing what others were paid  for doing; for  it was not
 worth to me one-quarter what the county paid  for it, and not
 much of my labor  went for that old dry fodder.  Mr. Maloy 
72
TWO YEARS AND THKKK MONTHS IN
 would cook very nice dishes for his wife, and quite extra dishes,
 too.  There were some of the greatest  ladies in the  house
 present at some of these meals, and they knew these things.
 There was Catharine Clark,  also,  to  look  on  and see these
 things;  and it is no wonder she was a fighter; she was educa
 ted, and the tone  of her feelings was high and  fine;  they  had
 much rather she  would keep her fingers out  of their hair.
 She was an American.   It  is the fine spun who will fight the
 more gross minds, who make up  the majority.  They  feel
 right enough, and there is nothing for them to fight for.  There
 is Miss Caroline Bull, from  Canandaigua.  She was a goddess;
 her nature was divine—truly so, indeed ; but she was a fighter,
 and she was educated.   Her  nature was  as fine as California
 gold, and her language was very select and beautiful; but  she
 would put her foot against a window, and the sash and all was
 nothing in her way.  She said she would not have such work.
 She was an American.   I left her in No.  11.   When I was in
 the  sixth hall, Miss Bull was  there  a long time.   One day I
 saw her sitting on the floor weeping very much, and I asked
 her  what the matter was.  " Well,"  said she, " I will tell you."
 She said  that  her American  friends had thrown her in  there
 with the low Irish, and there was no one to care for her.  She
 said it was  enough to destroy any one, and  that  was  the case.
 She had been there for four years, and Kate Clark much longer.
 At the time that Miss Bull was feeling so bad,  there  were
 some of the most disagreeable, old, filthy, vulgar Irish and
 Canadians whom I ever met with in my life.   There they are,
 and  their manners and habits  are such that  it is truly disgust-
 ing to sit at the same table with  them, saying nothing of the
 vermin that inhabit their heads, for they are so  numerous that
 I should not know what to say, and they are nearly as large as
 fowls.   I think they must be the Shanghai breed.  All of that
 rabble will always take hold of the milk pitcher by the spout,
 and  stick enough  of their claws  into the pitcher to fill it up,
 and  then all must drink milk in their tea  after their  filthy
 hands.  I told them to take  hold of the handle  of the pitcher,
 and Delia McKendrick thought I meant to quarrel with them,
 for she did not appreciate my motive.  Although she was em-
ployed there as an attendant, she had  all of the dirty habits
that  were disgusting to a person of cleanly  habits.   I should
like to know how many of the white plums the  patients got 
           THE NEW YOKE STATE LUNATIC ASYLL'.M.        73

out of what  Mrs. B., of Utica,  carried there  for them, that
were left in  Delia  McKendrick's care;  and I would advise
those  who  send boxes to the patients not to send much at
at time, unless they wish  the hired help to share with the
patients.
   Some of the patients on the best halls are capable of taking
care of their own things, but Sarah Stout was not, and when
she received a box, it was a generous one, and she was gener-
ous too, and that was enough.   I  profess to know  what  I
saw, and I am thinking that she got what the help did not want.
She was on  the  fourth hall, and there was  one girl who had
charge of the fine ironing room who roomed in the fourth hall,
and she always made bold to help herself to whatever she chose.
I do think it the height of  impudence for one person to use
another's combs and brush—certainly without permission ; but
Mary F. would do  that, and rummage the attendants' rooms
all over to find them.  That  was not all.   The young lady to
whom the  combs and brush belonged told me that she found
vermin in her brush, and that she had to send to the lodge and
pay one dollar for a box to lock up her combs and brush in.
The young lady had been a patient and was then an attendant,
and she was obliged to room with  just such as there were in
the hall.   She was an American, and Mary F. was a Catholic.
The latter had so much destructiveness, that it was a pleasure
to her to hurt any one; and  they had  one great moose of an
Irish thing a short time, that the girls told me had been in close
confinement a number of days for fighting; I had heard her one
day threaten  to  beat a patient  and say that  she would soon
have them all in the hospital; this was not because they had
done  anything, but  because of her own  destructiveness; she
would  grow fat on  fighting,  but it made the patient perfectly
wild, for she was  an American, and had a very fine mind, and
her temperament was as fine as her mind.   The great masto-
don, like some others in the house, would like to massacre all
of the Americans in the house and out of doors to.   But having
the insane in their power to a certain extent, one could see what
there was in them, and we shall see, to our sorrow when it is
too late.  But I have one consolation;  when Catholicism rules,
not only the working class and the poor will suffer,  but the
rich will fare no  better-than the poor.  If the Amerians are
such fools as  to elect the Irish to office, and make them a pres-
               D 
74
TWO YEAKS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 ent of our American government, as a voluntary act, they wiL
 sooner or later suffer the consequences, and much sooner than
 people in general imagine.   But those that dance must pay the
 fiddler.
   There was  a great go-between of an  Irish thing in the insti-
 tution when I went there;  she was in Number 11, and they
 kept her as long as she would stay.   When I was in the base-
 ment, Mary  Olin told me that she went there before Agnes
 Kelly went away, and that Agnes was a real old hyena; Mary
 Olin said  she wished that I could have seen the waists and bo-
 dies of  the patients in the basement, where Agnes Kelly had
 punched them with a broomstick; their body bruises could not
 be seen, they could not show them to the Doctors;  Mary said
 it was a sight to behold when they were bathed.   I know Agnes
 to be an awful creature; and 1 have seen Mrs. Maloy do the same
 acts to the patients when 1  was in the basement, and no occasion
 for it. There was an old Dutch woman there whom they treated
 in that way.   Now, a broomstick jammed in violently among
 one's vibs, by a great two-fisted person, I think would not feel as
 though done by a  Christian ; if so, let  some stout man try  it
 on your delicate frame a few times, and perhaps it would be
 a rarity that  you  would relish right well.  Mary  Reynolds
 was a tasty little thing of about two hundred pounds weight,
 and  she  could use the patients' ribs as a substitute for fiddle-
 strings, and the broom-handle as a substitute for the fiddle-bow ;
 she  and Agnes could both play the same tune, and were so fa-
 miliar with the old broomstick tune that although they had no
 notes they could keep good time.
   They have got another place of punishment in the basement
 that is interesting to strangers or the relatives of the insane—a
 place to smother them.  It is between a double partition, and
 they cannot breathe in there but a few moments.   I cannot say
 that a patient  was ever found dead in there, but I can say that
 there is no safety in having  such a place in the house, especially
 where the Catholics are employed as attendants, and not muci
 more with the Americans;  and if they  cannot  be trusted t<
 have the care of the  insane, who  €311?  It  is a simple fact ah
 ought to know, that anything and everything that works out in
 kitchensand factories are not qualified to have thecare of theinsane.
  There was one of the hired help who threatened to take the
life of another.   Mary  O'Donaid told Harriet Clark that slit 
           THE  NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLDM.        75

 1 ould surely kill her if she found her alone.  I heard Harriet
 veil Mary Farrell of it in the fine ironing room; and if a pa-
 tient was  getting well whom they had abused every way,
 they would all  set in and blarney her up before she left, to
 eradicate by-gone impressions or ill treatment, for the attend-
 ants have  told me so, and I saw it too.   Old Ag. Kelly made
 an impression on Miss Chamberlain's face by throwing her on
 the floor, that was not eradicated short of three weeks.   This
 I  had from Mrs. Maloy.   Miss C. was a patient from Bing-
 hamton, was wealthy, and knew nothing about being subjected
 to the authority of such loafers as old Ag. Kelly.  Such cattle
 were  often told what they were by patients who were in No.
 11.  They all tried to make her rational by brute force; but
 she was a Yankee.  That snake  of a Doctor, Cook, did his
 best;  but at  length  the little boy had to give it up with the
 rest.  They all  pursued a different course with her.   She left
 off that  raving,  but it hurt them to coax her, and the doctors
 took her out of the basement.  Mrs. Maloy said that the doc-
 tors went into the hall about  the time that old Ag. pitched bat-
 tle, and  Miss  Chamberlain told them she was afraid some of
 her ribs were broken, but the doctors thought they  were not,
 though  injured, for old Ag.  knelt down on her   and  bore
 her whole  weight  If the  old saying is true that sin is heavy,
 old Ag. had  enough of it in  her to break the ribs  of an old
 whale, and I should think a woman of common size would cave
 in  under her  heft.   Mrs. Maloy said that Miss C. stated she
 would murder Agnes if she could get hold of her, or else she
 would be  murdered.   Old Agnes did not dare go through the
 third hall  when  Miss C. was there; and Mrs. Willets told old
 Ag. that she would  advise her to go and settle the matter be-
 fore Miss  Chamberlain left, for she was very much afraid it
 would injure  the house, certainly  if it should be published.
 The reputation of the house is the first  consideration, and not
 the welfare of the patients.  If there is anything likely to get
 out, the leaks  are soon calked in a hurry.   I heard that Miss
 C. had a brother call to see her, to whom she told the story,
 and he spoke to Dr. Benedict about it.   Dr. B. told him a
 smooth story, and said that it was necessary to have such help in
 the house.  He dealt out a lingo of his double-tongued hypocrisy,
and got over that fracas the best way he could.   I took notes
while there. My work-box cover was written full.  I wrote it so 
76
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
 that no one could read it but myself, and the cute things wer<
 written on the underside of it.  When I returned to Syracuse
 I copied my notes, and what my work-box would not hold my
 head did, and the  old box, and head too, are the places from
 which I now take extracts.
   " The  Lord saith, vengeance is mine, and I will repay it."
 God is divine, but we are human, and " it is human to err, but
 divine to forgive."  God does not feel disposed to forgive them
 until He gets revenge, and  that is time enough.   It is just as
 right for me to try to get revenge on the old hut as it is that
 God should on all.   We have Him for an example.   I never
 heard any of the attendants say that they would be willing to
 have a friend of theirs taken there;  and I once  asked one of
 them  if  they  thought that Dr. Benedict would  be willing to
 turn his wife in there with  all the rabble  in the  house, if  she
 should be just as crazy as the No.  11 patients 1  " Oh, no!  foi
 Dr. Gray would  feel quite  as  bad as Dr. Benedict, and  she
 would be doubly provided for."
   I wonder  if Dr. Benedict would like to have two of the at-
 tendants take hold of his wife's arms and twist them as I have
 seen them  twist the patients 1  They begin rather moderate,
 and twist them  as long as  they dare to.   They made a.real
 business  of  it.   I have heard them say  to each other, " Now
 let's go and give them a real twisting, and pull their hair well;"
 and I thought the graceful twisters must have made ropes for
 a living previous to their going there, for they had the trade
 so  perfect.
   I wonder if Dr. Benedict would  like to have old Em Sayles
 pinch his wife as I saw her pinch a patient  one day.   Both of
 her arms were as black as bruises could make them in spots.
 She showed them to Mrs. Willets, and she said a wash ought
 to be prepared for them; and then old Em told folks that the
 patient pinched herself; but I saw it all,  and I saw where Em
 took hold of the patient.   I saw her arms in two  moments af-
 ter they were pinched, and the patient was not out of my sight
 at all  after it was  done until I saw her take her  dress off!   I
 looked at her arm, and Dr.  Benedict was so mad  because the
patient told him of it, that he gave her a very spiteful push, and
put her in the sixth hall.   The doctor told Frances Reed that
there was  a patient who had been behaving very bad, and she
could stay there for awhile.   That was his polite way of telling 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNANIC ASYLUM.        77

the help that they could treat a patient just as bad as they chose;
and if he wished to favor patients he would tell the help that
they must do the best they could with them, and they were of-
ten treated very different.  They understood each other.  The
pinching was to  be seen at  the end of eighteen days.   I once
saw Dr. Benedict do the same act.  He got mad at a patient,
and he  flew at  her.  She had on a single plaid shawl, and he
left marks on her arms.  There was one thickness of cotton
cloth, one of calico, and two of the woolen shawl.   He mani-
fested just as much violence for a short time as any raving ma-
niac whom I saw in the  institution.   The  scene reminded me
of an old turkey that got mad at me once for wearing a red shawl.
It appears they have  an antipathy against  red, and I was once
standing in  a yard where there was a large flock of turkeys,
when the first I knew out flew an old turkey from the drove
and gave me a nip about the shoulders, and then retired again
with his dignity; and notwithstanding that the patient's arms
were so horribly hurt and bruised, I thought it best to tell the
old turkey story once in awhile to counteract  the impression
that such an awful scene made in the hall.   Mrs. Maloy, Mary
Reynolds and Mary Olin were all  present at the exhibition.
As interesting  as it was, the  doctor might have given out a no-
tice in some daily paper, and I presume there would have been
a large  audience  from Utica, and perhaps enough tickets sold
to pay the  trouble,  for  I can tell you such a scene presents a
very pleasing spectacle, and also a very rare one to the public.
It is well worthy of description, but my descriptive powers are
not very  active, not as much so as my thinking apparatus at
present.   I  believe he had  her taken into one of the already
perfumed cells in No. 12—that is the highest degree in the
lodge—but  I could  have told them that a stench of that kind
would not cure  insanity, for I had had a summer's experience
the season previous to my going to the institution, and I thought
it made me more raving if possible.
  The family in whose house I lived when I went to Utica fur-
nished me with a variety of odors, but all to no effect.
  Dr. Gray undertook  to make me polite to him, but did he
do it 1  That is another thing.  The doctors did not merit po-
liteness from me, neither did any of them get it.  After I got
in  the basement I cleared all the rubbish out  of my brain in
just such language as harmonized with the treatment I received 
78
TWO YEAKS AND THREE MONTHS IN
from them, and I presume they appreciated my conversational
powers, and  also the unusually select flow of language I had
acquired by mingling with refined society, and likewise my ex-
quisite teste in dress.   The finishing touch must have been my
graceful deportment and suavity of manners.  I presume they
regretted my departure, but I  reluctantly tore myself away
from the sacred spot.
   When Madame Kellogg was there as a patient, she said that
there was a lady in the institution who had been there  a long
time, and who was irrecoverable, but she was a pay patient
and a very interesting woman.   She was on a good hall.  Her
children  lived a great distance from Utica and did not see her
often.  They dressed her nice,  and Dr. Brigham was anxious
to have  her  stay, for they liked such patients in the  house.
When a stranger went into the house, the doctor would intro-
duce the visitor to that lady, (name forgotten.)   She was a little
bewildered and not in a state of mind to speak for herself, and
Dr. Brigham always told her friends  that she was contented
there.  There she was, and  no  one to speak for her;  but at
length another patient who was more capable saw the daughter
alone a moment, to whom she whispered and told her to take
her mother home with  her, with which request she complied.
She was careful, however, and not let it be known to the doc-
tor, for such things will not do there.   It is dangerous even for
one patient to interest herself in the welfare of another patient
unless  it is a benefit to the house.  I once told a patient that
she was sewing too much, and the  help was present.  I never
thought of giving offense, for I had not been there long enough
to learn  but what the doctors thought more of curing the pa-
tients than getting their labor, but one of the patients told me
it would never do.  I told her it would do, for I would not see
a patient injure herself with  work in that place without telling
her of it; for they are  often told that when they can work afi
the time they will soon go home, and a great many that I saw
injured themselves by over-doing.  The woman that I  spoke
to had been  in the basement, and her clothes were all torn
off from her; she was sewing just as fast as her fingers
could fly, and her face was colorless; she had left five small
children at home, one  an infant, that I thought  must  need
a mother's care; her  name I  have  forgotten,  but her hus-
band was  a  saddler by trade—a Dutchman;  she was an 
            THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        79

 American; and  I thought that  her private family had stronger
 claims upon her labor than  a  State  institution.
   A Mrs. Freeman told me that she took care of a Mrs. Wea-
 ver, who was  very sick with' the  summer complaint on the
 fourth hall; they were both  patients; but Mrs. Weaver told
 Mrs. F. to  ask tfie doctor if <-he could not take care of her, for
 if she did not she surely would  not live.   Mrs. Freeman said
 that there were more who died  for the want of nursing than
 from disease.  The amiable  Miss  Kellogg  had charge  of the
 hall,  and Mrs. Freeman told  me  that when the doctors were
 going into the hall  Miss Kellogg would push her  away from
 the bed to take the credit to herself for the nursing.  She was
 careful to stand  by the bed when Dr. Cook was present, and
 as careful to do  the pushing when he did not see  her, as she
 was to  be  standing by  the sick-bed of a patient.   The  poet
 says that " Life is all a fleeting  show ; " but Longfellow  says
 that " Life is real—life is earnest."
   There was Mrs. Strong's  case;  I think she was from Buf-
 lalo; she had a son who was  a physician ; but she died in the
 institution—and  how did she die ?  It is true, she was taken
 into the third hall to die; but she  was kept with the brutes
 until they all knew  that there was no help for her—and then
 she W'is very kindly taken into  the third hall, but not until
 death had given  her a check  clear  through.  Many a patient
 got her clearance in that place.  I have often seen them taken
 away in an old one-horse wagon, going  around the back way,
 and  then off  again,  with an old  blanket  or buffalo  robe
 thrown over the box that housed the patient's remains;  and it
 rather added to  ray happiness to know that one  had  done
 suffering.
  A few days  before old Mrs. Strong died, her son (the doc-
 tor) was there to  see her; when he got there, Dr. Cook went
 into the hall and  told Frances Reed to  make ready, for Dr.
Strong  would  soon  be in  to  see his  mother.   Frances flew
around and got things in order, so that no one could seejaut what
Mrs. Strong had  had  the best of nursing;  but, to  my certain
knowledge, that woman  had  no more care than cattle have,
nor half as much as the most of cattle have; her head was low,
and her mouth not  exactly closed, but  I never saw Frances
raise her hand at  all  to give her drink ;  if she swallowed, well
and good—if not, it was just  as well.   Frances told  me that 
SO           TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN

the patients had nearly killed her in the ninth hall; her hands
were fettered with a leather muff, and the rest  of the patients
would  fight her,  and Catharine Gough  would  allow it  and
laugh at it—she  enjoyed fighting.   When  Dr. Strong  went
away, he thanked Frances for her kindness to his mother, and
told her he was very thankful his mother had fallen into such
good hands!   After the doctor had gone, it was disgusting to
see the wicked Frances glory  in the deception she had prac-
ticed upon Dr. S.   She said that he went away feeling well
about his mother,—"And," said she,  "did I not do it up right,
to blarney him up so good ?"  She said that  he thought all
was gold  that glittered.  " The heart and head are deceitful
and desperately wicked."   If ever I  saw that  saying verified,
it was in that insane institution.
  There is Mrs. B.'s case, also, which I feel  disposed to speak
of for the benefit of the public.  She  was from Utica, a patient
in the institution a short time, and although she was very in-
sane, I could see that her composition was fine.   She was one
of the few diamonds that are almost lost among  the great mass
of chaos; but,  however, if her nature is not appreciated and
her merits rewarded in  this sphere of action, they will not be
lost in another still higher sphere—and the time is not far dis-
tant when we shall all cut loose from crazy houses, and straps,
and belts, and waists, and  muffs, and mits, and cribs, and bed-
straps, and twisting of arms, and smothering huts, and drown-
ing.  Deity must appreciate all of  these  tasty articles and
maneuvers.
  Mrs.  B. did-not get  any better in Utica, and if her friends
had lived  at a distance she would have  died there;  but Mr.
B. is a lawyer and rather wide awake ;  he kept  his eye on her,
and when  he saw  that she was failing, he took her to  Hartford,
in Connecticut, and in a few  months more she was at home
well.   She afterward visited the Utica Asylum, and I had  a
little conversation with her respecting her  treatment in the
Hartford institution.  She  told me  that the doctors and at
tendants at Hartford  were not near so kind as  those at Utica.
I told her  it was because she was so near home at Utica, and
that they  had only  affected  kindness in her presence.  She
thought not;  but I had looked on and witnessed the deception
they used  in her case to prevent her seeing and  knowing what
I already had seen and knew.   Dr. Benedict let  her have Eliza 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         81

 Chapin for her private attendant;  and she was very smooth,
 but her composition was a perfect specimen of deception.  Dr.
 Benedict knew that, and he wanted Mrs. B. to  speak well of
 the house.  She  told  me that the doctor in Hartford would
 have fixed insanity upon her again, after she had once got per-
 fectly well, if it had not been for a cousin of hers that called
 there to see her, and to whom she explained her case, on which
 he at once despatched  a note to her husband, who forthwith
 came to Hartford.  She said  that was the only circumstance
 that prevented her mind from becoming a wreck.  It is high
 time these things were thought of.   They do not make any
 arrangements to  prevent insanity, but are making broad cal-
 culations for just so many crazy folks in the world, and they
 will have  them—just as they did  witches in Salem.   I believe
 that witchcraft had its  origin in a priest's family, and it did not
 subside until  they had hung  a few of the ringleaders; there
 was not much fun in their witchcraft when the gallows threat-
 ened them; a rope did  not  look quite as genteel as a white
 cravat about the  neck.  The  more iniquity  there is in a per-
 son's mind, the more tenacious he will be of his sectarian rights;
 the more  corrupt minds will  hold  the old  priest by the bit,
 while  the more pure will mow  them all down together, and
 say amen to it, for they are but walking  shadows.
   There was  a carman, an honest man,  who died in  the city
 last winter, whose death was a  loss to the community, but
 there was no fashionable obituary strung out in the papers by
 old Priest May.   I have reason to  notice his death, however,
 for I appreciate his merits; he was  industrious, and by his in-
 dustry and  frugality he provided a permanent  residence for
 his family;  his merits  spoke loud in his praise while he lived,
 and there  was less use for a tall overgrown monument to speak
 of his qualities after his death than for such as are cyphers in
 the world, and can only be remembered by the hand of the en-
graver.  His  name was Charles Harrison.   I have reason to
respect him, for his house was my home a part of one winter;
and although he was very poor at that time, and had to run in
debt for his provisions, he told his wife to have me stay there
until I could do better.  I then had  a very good supply of
clothing, and I did not  forget Mrs. H.
  But Priest May knew the best place for his better half when
she was crazy.  D. W., of Syracuse, told me, some years ago,
               L*             *            6 
82
TWO YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
to travel if I could;  but it costs me something  to travel.   I
did visit my friends  in Vermont;  but it injured  me  more  to
sew for the money that I spent in  going and  coming than the
journey benefited me.   It took me months to earn what I
spent in eight days;  I had made dresses, with the strength ob-
tained from  compound morphine pills ;  and the first work that
I was able to do, after my return,  paid  the doctor three dol-
lars for the right to my life long enough to see my native home
once more—and the price was cheap enough.  But did Mrs.
May  have  to labor  so?  By  no means.  The priest is sup-
ported for two or three  hours of silly talk each week ; and  if
I could get my pay as well accordingly, for the common  sense
that I have talked, as he does for nonsense, I should be able  to
travel when  and where I please.
   While I  was at  Utica, a number of very respectable ac
quaintances  of  mine called  there  to see me, but  could not.
One day Dr. Benedict said that  Mr. Hoxie, of Syracuse had
called, and I could go down into the state parlor and see  him;
I was ready  in five minutes ; but Dr. Gray went into the hall,
and I could not get  Eliza  Chapin to unlock  the  door for me
until it was too late.  He  was  a  business man, and had to go
out with the cars; I suppose that Dr. Gray had put a veto on
the plan ; Eliza kept saying, " In a moment; " and of course
they knew what time the cars went out.  Such facts belong
with the rest of the plans of the house.
  There was a lady there as  a  patient  who  was a friend of
mine, and understood my  case; she was educated and under
stood character—had been a teacher, and  was keen;  she ad-
vised me not to let Dr. Benedict know that I was taking notes
for this pamphlet, " for,"  said she, " you never will get out
alive."  Miss C.  is all  I  say.   She looked like  a queen, and
there was mental aristocracy.  She helped me along a little.
Miss Harriet Nelson also contributed a large share to my hap-
piness by the manifestation of her good  will in a note that she
sent me by Dr. Cook.   She was  compelled to do penance for
simply telling Dr. Gray that she was as good as himself or the
hired help,  and such like small  talk.   They all wish the pa
tients to feel very inferior  to all in  the house, and they are not
allowed to act as men and women,  but as though they were  in
the capacity  of servants in the  kitchen.   I  wonder if God has
ever compelled Dr.  Brigham  to do penance  for telling  Dr, 
          THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.        83

Nichols to go around and hold the patients' heads under the
faucet  and let the water run on them just as  long  as he
dared to, and after allowing them to breathe, repeat the same,
to compel them to work.   This I was told by one of the
attendants.
  There was  old  Mrs. Swift, a  victim of fear.  She  was a
natural lady, and rather timid.  She told me the cause of her
fear, and her very  looks told me  that she said the truth.   She
said she had been fighting a  little for  Christ's sake.   She was
honest in it;  she  thought if she tore her  clothes  it was for
Christ's sake, and if she had  a fight, it was for Christ's sake—
and I suppose  Dr. Nichols  thought he would cut her  finger-
nails for Christ's sake.   She said that he went  into the hall
one day and took hold of her and threw her down on the floor,
and told one of the girls to take her cap off, and he then took
his  knife out of his pocket and cut every one of her finger-nails
so close that they bled a little, and she had the sorest fingers
that she ever had in her life; she thought he was going to kill
her when he first  took  his knife from his pocket; he  was a
large man, and she said that he knelt  down on her in such a
manner as to stop  her breath for some time.   She said that
such thunderbolts as they had there were enough to frighten
anybody to death.  In a short time she  was wild.   She was
an American.
  The first winter that I was in the house, I  was in the second
hall a part of the time, when Laura  Capen  had charge  of it.
I took notice that if I treated the patients with even common
civility, they were very grateful for it, and for every trifle
they failed not  to thank me.   There was  a lady from New
York, who had  been  there  some time, of whom I asked the
cause of the patients' partiality for me, and she  said it was be-
cause  I always  dealt with  them as human  beings, and not as
though they were mere cattle; and that they had not been ac-
customed to such kind treatment in the institution.   Laura Ca-
pen was only fit for a street commissioner or some worse oc-
cupation ; and if the patients had one kind word from any per-
son, they dwelt upon it for a long time.
  Mrs. Masscraft went  away from there a raving maniac.  I
have not the ability to do justice to her native talent and lady-
like deportment; the two qualities, together with her education,
made her a finished woman—not exactly a unique in this world, 
84           TWO  YEARS AND THREE MONTHS IN
but a nextdoor neighbor.  She was of Yankee family.   Helen
Newell left there a perfect wreck in  mind; and Miss Pepper
likewise.  Mrs. Rowe was  still there when I left, and a hope
less case.   They  were  all brilliants, and of Yankee  origin
These are only a few amongst the many.
  I would  like to say a word about the Idiot institution they
are about to construct in Syracuse.  But it is not popular to
listen to what any person has to say, unless he or she  have a
great purse full of money.   A great  money-purse is a very
influential member of society—highly intellectual, and full of
ideas.
  I should like to know how Dr. Benedict smoothed over the
case of Miss  Lewis, who died in the  Asylum.  She  was from
Geneva, educated  and interesting, and  I should think she had
always been a pet in her family.  She was in the sixth hall, and
a rather troublesome patient.  One night she was  found by
the night-watch dead upon  the  floor of her room.   France?
Reed told me that she knew she was dying when she went to
bed; and  she had taken her from the  dormitory and put her
in a single room, and locked her in to die all alone.   She gol
up  in  the  night and spoke to Henrietta Fulham, but Frances
would not allow Henrietta  to get up, and I suppose the poor
creature was  unable to get back to her  bed.   I asked Frances
why she did not call the Doctors, and she said they had all gone
to the eity to attend  a  medical lecture.   Miss Lewis was a
cripple; her  days were  shortened at Utica;  she was jammed
about  there, and  although she had a good supply of clothing,
she was not allowed enough  of it to keep  herself comfortable.
She was a frail creature,  and easy to kill.
  There was a Miss Phillips, a cripple,  who one day in
her craziness  tore some cheap, bedding to pieces.  It was cold
the following night—for I had a spread and one blanket  on my
bed, which was not sufficient covering, and I had the girls bring
me another blanket.   To punish Miss Phillips for tearing her
bedding, Dr.  B. told old Em Sayles to  take everything  out of
Miss P.'s room except what  clothes she had on; I saw the bed
and bedding on the floor in the morning, and Miss P. told me
how she had suffered during  the night;  her eyes flashed fire as
she told me.   Of course, after such treatment, she left the in
stitution as crazy as when she went there.
  Dr.  Benedict  must be a  well read physician, but he is not 
           THE NEW YORK STATE tUNATIO ASYLUM.        85

very successful in his practice.  He has no skill in curing; but
the art of killing he is very familiar with.
  I will now speak in behalf of Mrs. Alvord, of Salina.   I hope
I am doing right, and I think I am ; and it is necessary that some
one should do right, by informing her friends that she is in the
most  isolated  and miserable condition that a human being can
be  placed in this side of the grave.   I knew her when she was
the young bride of Mr. Thomas Alvord, and her society was
courted by all; but now she is an unfortunate inmate of a Lu-
natic Asylum.  To contrast her situation in early life with the
present, together  with  the fare that the institution affords, is
enough to petrify the heart's blood.   If patients are neglected
by the friends or relatives who  send them there, they will  soon
be treated as though  they had no right to existence; and it
would be a mercy to all such to behead them at once.   I hope
that Mr.  A. will  not  forget to see Mrs. A. often; for  I think
that  she  has  claims  upon him still as a protector.   She is
spoken to by the  low and groveling hired help as though she
 was their little chore-girl that they had taken out of pity.  She
goes  at their calling,  and comes at their bidding; and when
they speak to her  she will start as though she dared not diso-
 Dey their  orders.   She has become perfectly servile to the hired
 help of the place.
   If our Americans place their insane within the reach  of such
 influences, they must expect the consequences to be terrible.
 What lady is there in the world that would be willing  to hire
 a  low-bred Irish girl  into her house and be subject to  her au-
 thority, and the  house locked up and  the girl have the keys,
 with  no one  to interfere ?  How would that lady look at the
 end of five years %
   \ would simply say to the public that 1 have thought of en-
 larging this edition, but  my limited means will not allow me
 to do so.  But I will  suggest  one idea which perhaps will not
 be lost to the world.   I profess to have had a little experience
 in the insane institution in Utica, and I think it would he a very
 benevolent act to  build an institution  for the few that  are not
 insane; for they are so very few that  it would  be much less
 expense to fence in a small portion of old mother earth for a
 kind of protection for those that are unfortunate enough to in-
 herit  common sense.   Allowing myself to be the judge, L did
 not see but three individuals in the institution that I called ra- 
86
TWO YEAR8 AND THREE MONTHS IN
tional  on all  points.   The  three were Dr.  Porter and Mr.
Rhoades and  a young man  named Squires, and they were all
relatives, and all from Skaneateles, if I recollect right, and every
patient in the house respected them.  Mr. Rhoades was em
ployed in the capacity of first steward, and Mr. Squires as an
attendant in the gentlemen's apartment.   I think it a very great
privilege to find  some good traits of character in the vicious
Dr. Benedict  did make some improvements in the  house; he
thought it very improper to  employ men as attendants for the
ladies.  I think it a high note that it ever should have been the
case.   There is a class of incurable  patients  in the institution
that have been there a long time, that are capable of retaining
a great many facts relative to the by-gone treatment of the
house; it was from such minds that I derived the most relia-
ble knowledge in regard to the former proceedings in the house,
and very much too that cannot be published.   Dr. Gray is a
beautiful character  to superintend that institution;  I have not
told it all yet.  Them devils did not like the idea of my leav-
ing that place alive, rightly named hell.  But three times while
I was  there it proved to be the case that my head found  relief
by the uncapping  of a small blood vessel  in the old  rickety
thing.  I can  tell  community that if all  murders were recog-
nized  by law there would be a thinning out of old cast-iron
saints.  I view these every-day indirect murders doubly crimi-
nal, compared with one wholesale rowdy out-of-the-way off
hand murder; the sooner done the less suffering.  And that is
not all, it looks more workman-like.  But never mind, Sammy
May  can't  come  paddy over me yet.   I wonder  how many
straight jackets Sammy will have when the ladies throw them
by ; perhaps he will open a clothing store.  And I would also
notify the public  that  a  slaughter house can be  got up on  a
much cheaper plan; butchers can be employed in that place
much cheaper than Doctors,  and I think it the best plan to em-
ploy some butcher in the house.   And I am thinking if Myron
H. Clark could have  two years' experience in that  institution
he would think it more advisable to demolish those that are
already built  than to introduce the  plan of  erecting another
such a fashionable butchers'  shop.  If I recollect right, friend
Myron did not forget the insane in his message, but  he has not
had experience in a hotel of that kind ;  but I think he was hon-
est, therefore 1 will take the liberty to furnish  him with  a copy 
           THE NEW YORK STATE LUNATIC ASYLUM.         87

of this work, and then perhaps he will reason and allow con-
science to dictate.
  I have  more  to  say when the public are prepared to listen
to it.
  Mr. Myron H. Clark :—Sir—You have not looked behind
the scenes in the Utica Lunatic Asylum.   It is my misfortune
to be one of the impressible beings of the age, and if there is
vice going on in  the atmosphere around me I always know it;
and I  also knew there was vice in  that house the first night I
was there, as well as I did the day I left.  And the world may
rely on the fact, the old crazy  house in Utica is rather a chilly
affair and no mistake about it.
  But after all  that, I wonder who paid for the molasses that
I made into candy in the  fine ironing room, and Lord Benedict
never caught me at it neither.
  I havp done for the present. 
• 
 
 
 
jjr^swe
I*££rr*!.
        EIH©lKBIKKi?3 ©I? A IPAIMIEHE,

Suggested by hearing Dr. C. say,  "You'll soon be well again,"
I
When shall it be I
  In spring, w lien sleeping flowers awake,
  And streams their icy fetters break,
  And zephyrs gay unfold 'heir wings,
  And vernal sweetness 'round earth clings;
  TVljen nature's tones, I loved so well,
  Around  rny moss-clad cottage swell:
              Theu I—then will  I be well t  '

When shall it be?
  Is it when 'round my parents' hearth'
  Are mingled former tones of mirth,
  And when no voice of grief  is heard,
  Jf or is a sound of sadness stirred,
  Save one bhort word, in sorrow, tell
  An absent one remembered well:
              Then !—then shall I be welll

When shall it be \
  When sunny hopes no more sustain
  An aged mother's tot'ring frame,
  And reason's fled her active brain,
  And grief a manly brother slain;
  Wiieu Death  ha*  moved my 6iater home,
  When all l've*lo\;d but self, are ?;one:
              Then :— then will I be well?

I shall be well!
  I know—when Earth  has loosed her claims,
  And naught that animates remains,
  And the soul, that God to Earth hath lent,
  B.-i' kwardto Heaven  its coarse hath ocu}.—
  And when around my new-made tomb
  Is breathed affection's  farewell moan—
               Yea !—thr.n I shall b$ well I
aaJSffn—w
s'.^SBsesswaessao'ssas.*^