DULDTELL YOUR GIRL EDMUND THOMAS WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL BOOKS BY EDMUND THOMAS WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR BOY Price, net 50 cents WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL Price, net 50 cents YOUNG MAN’S KNOWLEDGE OF HIMSELF In preparation YOUNG WOMAN’S KNOWLEDGE OF HERSELF In preparation WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL BY EDMUND THOMAS Nnn fork THE PLATT & PECK COMPANY Copyright, 1914, by THE PLATT & PECK COMPANY Entered at Stationers’ Hall, London All rights reserved DEDICATED TO THE AMERICAN GIRL PREFACE This book is written from the stand- point of motherhood. The key to the situation is in the hands of the mother; there is nothing she can- not do—no reform she cannot institute and carry through. In one generation she can, by concerted action give the thought of the nation—yes, and of the whole world—an entirely new trend. She has the child wholly under her control during the early years of life when it is in the formative stage, when its nature is most plastic. Here is her opportunity to mold and shape that nature as she desires. She has but to impress her ideals on the individual child, and in due course they shall be- come the ideals of the nation. CONTENTS CHAPTEE PAGE I Why Something Must Be Told ... 1 II By Whom It Must be Told .... 9 III The Birth of a Soul 20 IV The Potentialities of the Girl Baby 29 V Is it Worth While? 36 VI Dolls 45 VII The Little Mother 54 VIII The Basis of Confidence 64 IX From Childhood to Womanhood . . 72 X The Period of Keconstruction . . .81 XI Friendships 89 XII The Girl in Business 97 CHAPTER I WHY SOMETHING MUST BE TOLD A woman who has given the subject deep consideration has said that when the girl problem is solved, there will be no boy problem. This observation is true, hut it does not help us in the least to solve the problem. The amazing rec- ord in the daily press of cases of the dis- appearance of young girls, of the opera- tions of the so-called white-slave activ- ity, and similar instances, make it plain that the problem before us will never be solved for society until it is solved in every individual family. No other question, in recent years, has 2 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL so fully engrossed public attention. It has been made the text for sermons, the topic of prime importance at educational gatherings, the theme of fiction, and the motive of dramatic representation. Out of all this discussion some good must sooner or later eventuate. The fact is, however, that this whole question does not concern the woman of the street, but the girl of the home. That this is the case there is abundant evidence. It may be that as yet we see but dimly—it is much, however, that we are beginning to perceive; time will make our vision clearer. The blindness which has characterized previous generations has resulted from focusing on one phase of the problem to the obscuration of all others. From the days of Moses down to the present time, WHY SOMETHING MUST BE TOLD 3 attention has been centered on the social evil as manifested in fallen woman. The preacher has viewed it as a menace to the eternal destiny of man; the sociolo- gist has regarded it as affecting the wel- fare of the family and the community; the legislator, as endangering the state and the nation; and the engenist, as im- periling the future well-being of the race. All have concerned themselves with the fruit of the tree, rather than with the seed from which the tree springs. The social evil has been recognized as a condition which has existed from all time, and which some hold must continue to exist; and the constant effort has been to change or to improve the condition rather than to ascertain and do away with the cause responsible for it. The 4 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL aim has been to reclaim and redeem; or failing this, to restrain and to regulate and to punish. Meanwhile, the condition instead of improving has rapidly become worse. Nor is it possible to hope for bet- ter things while the objective continues to be the same. The problem must con- tinue to be baffling as long as its solution is sought in the cure or in the control of existing evil. For centuries medical men devoted much of their attention to the cure of smallpox and attempted by quarantine and disinfection to control the disease. Yet as recently as in the eighteenth cen- tury 50,000,000 people in Europe alone died from its effects. Previous to 1798 few persons reached the age of twenty without being pit-marked with the dis- ease. Then, Sir Edward Jenner discov- WHY SOMETHING MUST BE TOLD 5 ered that the only way to control it is to prevent its occurrence. Now, not one person in a hundred suffers from small- pox. Prevention means to come before. It means getting down to the root of the tree, rather than spraying its branches. Hence hope of progress in the solution of the problem which now confronts us is to be found only in prevention. As applied to this problem, prevention makes its starting point the innocent child, rather than the man or the woman steeped in sin. It recognizes that little children have no inherent impulse to wrong-doing; that they know no evil, and are therefore incapable of thinking evil. It sees them pure in heart, and aims to keep them so. At the same time, it does not ignore the fact that, in their very ig- norance of evil, they are peculiarly sus- 6 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL ceptible to its suggestions as they come from without; on the contrary it seeks to safeguard them from the effects of such suggestions by counterbalancing their ig- norance of that which is evil with a knowledge of that which is good. It is asserted—and not without some grounds—that much of the vice prevalent to-day is due to the fact that the children of yesterday were brought up in igno- rance of life and of sex relations. Hence, as public thought awakens to the impor- tance of prevention there is an ever- increasing demand for the enlightenment of the child. Opinions differ as to the source from which this enlightenment should come, and, also, as to the nature of the information, and the method of imparting it. The one point on which all seem to be agreed is that things which WHY SOMETHING MUST BE TOLD 7 have been kept secret from children must be revealed to them and openly discussed with them. In this, as in all other reform move- ments, there is a tendency to run to ex- tremes. Those who are most earnest are in danger of being carried away by their zeal. On the other hand, there are many who quite as clearly perceive the importance of the movement, who real- ize as fully the good it is hoped to ac- complish, who as earnestly desire to do their share, and who yet keep silent be- cause they do not know what should be told, or how, or when the instruction should be given. This little book represents a sincere effort to guard against the possibility of creating, by unwise instruction, a worse condition than has hitherto existed; and, WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL at the same time, to indicate a course of instruction which may be followed with safety, and from which permanent good may be confidently expected. CHAPTER II WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD What you should tell your girl con- sists even more in information about the spiritual and intellectual things of life than in facts of physiology alone. The aim is to establish an ideal of livingness, and that the body is merely incidental to the art of living must he kept constantly in view. “Know ye not,” says Saint Paul, “that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.” This not only estab- lishes its sacredness, but emphasizes the importance of keeping it undefiled. The course of instruction which it is 10 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL proposed to give, while fully recogniz- ing the native purity of the girl, and the inherent desire which prompts her to fight, if need be, for its preservation, foresees a time when other desires springing from the sex impulse may be- come the controlling force of her life, subverting—temporarily at least—her natural tendencies; and it has for its ob- ject her preparation for this momentous period. The sex impulse, while it follows closely on physiological development, is not essentially physical. It is a desire and therefore in its nature and inception it is spiritual. But it is vague, indefi- nite, and inexpressible—a longing with- out an object. It takes definite form, and acquires an objective only as the re- sult of the operation of the mind. Hence BY WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD 11 the impulse is mental as well as spirit- ual. It is physical only in its manifes- tation; and the character of this mani- festation is determined by the mind. If the emotion be controlled by the mind it is a natural feeling, healthy, normal, and beautiful; but if it be uncontrolled, it is a passion. This three-fold recognition of spirit, mind, and body in the sex impulse must be made the basis of the moral training of the girl; otherwise no good can be ex- pected. It is obvious, therefore, that to tell her about the processes of life and repro- duction is not sufficient, even though this information be supplemented by warn- ings of dangers. It is claimed, and it is probably true, that much of the evil of to-day is due to ignorance of these mat- 12 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL ters. Yet they are the facts of life rather than the facts of living; and the only way effectually to safeguard the girl is to teach her how to live. To live seems such a simple matter, and yet so few understand what it really means. We speak of the scheme of life, but rarely stop to think that scheme means a combination of things con- nected or adjusted by design—a system involving order, method, and above all, purpose. All of which goes to prove that liberty of life is not based on an- archy but is based on law. Life which can be characterized as just one thing after another is not worth living: it is aimless existence. The one thing after another may follow in such rapid suc- cession that every minute of the day is taken up, and still it may be aimless— BY WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD 13 a treadmill grind leading nowhere. Un- less there be a purpose in life, hard work may be fraught with as much danger for the girl as idleness. There is, in- deed, abundant testimony that tempta- tion appeals with peculiar power to the overworked. Woman is the gateway through which the race of gods on earth shall be per- petuated. This gives to her a mission which none other can perform and it furnishes the reason and the purpose of all the training of the girl. This training may be and should be commenced as soon as she comes into conscious existence. At first glance, this statement may seem to require modifica- tion, but upon reflection it will be seen that it may be taken literally. From be- ginning to end, life is a school. The first 14 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL lessons necessarily are lessons of imita- tion; and who shall say whether the ac- quisition of knowledge gained in this way is commenced at three days, three weeks, or three months? The important fact to bear in mind is that lessons of ex- ample are far more impressive than those of precept, and far more likely to he retained. Lessons of order, clean- liness, self-control, and the like, are an essential part of the training of the child. They lie at the very foundation of moral instruction; and they are best learned by observation and imitation. Moreover, the mother who seeks to be a living lesson to her child is laying the foundation for all subsequent spiritual training; she is establishing ideals. ‘ ‘ If ever I become a Christian,’’ said a girl, 1 ‘ I want to be one like Mother. ’ ’ It may BY WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD be that this girl’s conception of Christi- anity in the abstract was vague and in- definite, but as exemplified in her mother it was very real: it was her standard of perfection. She saw in it something beautiful, and it became her ambition to reproduce it in her own life. It seems to be the opinion of school people that the proposed training of the girl is a very delicate, not to say difficult, matter; and that while the home is the most natural and most suitable place for the instruction, it can, under existing conditions, best be given in the school- room. The average mother, they assert, owing to lack of knowledge and peda- gogical training is not competent to do the teaching. Without questioning the truth of this point of view, it must be as- sumed that no one is more interested in 16 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL the well-being of the child than the mother who bore it. The trouble with professional teachers is that they see only one phase of the subject. With them it is a question of sex hygiene, and the thought of sex is ever uppermost. They lose sight of the child, and see only the girl budding into womanhood, gain- ing her first consciousness of self, and naturally they are embarrassed at the thought of speaking plainly to her at that time. There are many homes in which the conditions favorable to spiritual growth and development are entirely lacking; there are many parents who are wholly unqualified to give the necessary instruc- tion ; but it still remains true that the home is the best school in which to learn the lessons of life, and that the BY WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD 17 thoughtful mother is the ideal teacher. No one but a mother can enter so fully or so intimately into the life of the girl. Her love and her sympathy are better than pedagogical experience, and her womanly intuition is a safer guide than normal training. Nor is the subject one of difficulty for such a mother. She presages no evil. Her visions of the future picture the child a mother like herself, and her one desire is that when that time comes she may be a good mother. Unfortunately this view of the girl has come to be regarded as old-fashioned. Nowadays, we train her for service—do- mestic or professional; for business, and for society; for everything in fact, ex- cept motherhood. The object of educa- tion is to make her self-supporting; the 18 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL bait we hold out to her is independence. In a word, we educate her away from the home; and in all her training, there is no thought of motherhood. Yet this is her divinely appointed part. It is to this that she is consecrated by her sex. To impress this upon the girl must be made the object of her training and in- struction, whether it be given at home or by the professional teacher. She must be made to feel that she has a definite part in the order of creation, which she can fulfill only by being a good mother. This comprehends everything. This es- tablishes a standard by which the girl may judge every action of her life. It gives high purpose to the care of the body, to the training of the hand, and to the development of the mind. It invests BY WHOM IT MUST BE TOLD 19 with spiritual significance every item of the daily routine. When we shall have shown the girl that her destiny is the continuity of the race, when we shall have caused her ambition to center on being a good mother, the girl problem will be ready for solution. CHAPTER III THE BIRTH OP A SOUL The process of reproduction whether in the one-cell organism—the lowest form of life—or in man, the highest form, is essentially the same. The one-cell or- ganism reproduces by splitting into two. When each half grows to the size of the parent cell it in turn splits into two. This process may be repeated until the single cell has multiplied to millions, but in every individual cell there will of necessity be a part—infinitesimal, of course, but still a part—of the original cell. The first parents of the human race produced their offspring in precisely the THE BIRTH OF A SOUL 21 same way: by giving up a part of them- selves ; and this process, carried on from generation to generation, has produced the billion and a half people now living and all the countless millions that have lived and died in the interim. A dis- tinguished authority on this subject says: “It is a continuous phenomenon. The life of every blood corpuscle or skin cell of every human being now alive is absolutely continuous with that of the first human being—if not, indeed, as most biologists appear to believe, with the first life upon earth.” 1 Thus, the child just born measures its age not by minutes or by hours but by millions of years, for in its little body is the primordial protoplasm. i Caleb William Saleeby. Parenthood and Race Culture. 22 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL Insurance companies are careful to in- quire into the antecedents of the appli- cant—particularly as to whether par- ents, grandparents, or collateral relatives were consumptive. But according to Darwin’s hypothesis, the gemmules of consumption may be transmitted from generation to generation without harm until the existence of the hereditary taint is forgotten. The gemmules are a men- ace ; but it is only when they find in the body the exact conditions necessary to their growth and rapid reproduction that they become fatal. Physically the child is subject to the law of the survival of the fittest—the uni- versal law of nature. It lives because countless generations of ancestors have been sustained by the generic law; and its health and vitality are conditioned THE BIRTH OF A SOUL 23 largely on the strength and vigor of those from whom it is descended; but its fit survival is possible only when the generic law is highly specialized in the individual. Other things being equal, it is possible to prognosticate with some degree of accuracy its physical life. Sturdy parents produce sturdy children; and the progeny of long-lived ancestors have, themselves, a reasonable expecta- tion of long life. Nor is this all. Even at birth certain family resemblances are often observ- able. These grow more pronounced as the child develops, and we say that it is like the father or the mother, as the case may be. In other words, the child may inherit from the parent not only health and strength, but a similarity of form and features. 24 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL These things are common to all forms of life. Indeed, they lie at the basis of scientific breeding as applied to plants and animals. During the first month, or two, the child does not differ from the young of any form of animal life. It lives, it breathes, it is nourished, and' it grows. Apparently this is all. The evidences of life are present, but they are not charac- teristic. The birds, the beasts, the flowers and even the grass under foot give similar evidence of vital energy. Then there comes the little flicker of a smile, the transitory gleam of an inner light, and we realize a second birth—the birth of a new soul. It is a new soul. It has no prototype; it can have no counterpart. The body is heir to the strength or the weakness, the THE BIRTH OF A SOUL 25 beauty or the deformity, of an appar- ently endless line of ancestors, but the soul has no corresponding inheritance. It is original, peculiar to this one child. It is the soul that gives to it its indi- viduality. This second birth is looked forward to by the mother with even greater eager- ness than the first. There are no fore- bodings of pain and travail; its coming is heralded by a smile that seems to give a glimpse of heaven. The young child is all soul. It knows no negations, no doubts, no fears. Its little life is all joy and laughter, free and unrestrained. All its first lessons are lessons of truth and faith and confi- dence. It has no worries or perplexi- ties. Its every need is supplied by the mother. Its nature grows and expands, 26 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL developing fresh beauty from day to day; and it is a wonderful period for both mother and child. The change comes when the intellect and the will begin to manifest them- selves. It is a mistake to regard these as partaking of the nature of the soul; they are the handmaids of the soul, noth- ing more; and, like all servants, they are good or bad, according as they are trained. Here, even in the days of earliest in- fancy, the mother finds her office. As we have seen in the previous chapter, de- sire is a spiritual impulse, fiterally an e-motion of the soul. Desire is defined as the natural longing to possess any seeming good; the eager wish to obtain or enjoy. Thus, the child who stretches out its little hand to grasp a glowing coal THE BIRTH OF A SOUL 27 is not displaying *1 an inborn tendency to get into mischief”; it is simply manifest- ing its appreciation of the beautiful, and yielding to a natural longing to possess and enjoy. Viewed in this light, it will be seen that most of the so-called faults, misdeeds, and transgressions of child- hood are in themselves innocent. They are not crimes, demanding punishment; they are simply indications that the child has begun the pursuit of happiness, and this is one of its inalienable rights. It has not yet learned that true happiness is not mere personal gratification, or that good exists only when it is the gain of all rather than of one. It is the work of the mother to impart these abstract conceptions, but she can make them con- crete even to the little child. This instruction can not begin too 28 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL early, for within a few weeks of birth the intellect begins to select those things which promise pleasure, and the earliest out-reachings of the child disclose the will working for their attainment; and if the intellect and the will are allowed to continue, untrained and undisciplined, instead of being the servants of the soul they will become the masters and assume complete control. CHAPTER IV THE POTENTIALITIES OF THE GIRL BABY Aime Martin records that in the course of a conversation with Madame Campan, Napoleon Bonaparte re- marked : “The old systems of instruction seem to be worth nothing; what is yet wanting in order that the people should be prop- erly educated!” ‘1 Mothers, ’ ’ replied Madame Campan. The reply struck the emperor. “Yes,” said he, “here is a system of education in one word. ’ ’ Napoleon spoke out of the fullness of 30 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL his experience, for much of his phenom- enal rise to power he owed to the influ- ence of his mother who developed in him, as a boy, energy, concentration and self- control. Indeed, the real builder of the nation is the mother. The fathers are out in the busy world, absorbed in the pursuit of money, fame, or power; but in the quietness and seclusion of the home, the mother nurtures the bodies that are to be strong and do the world’s work and im- plants the seeds that are to blossom forth in noble acts and deeds. “Na- tions are but the outcome of the homes, and peoples o.f mothers.” Subtract the work of the mother, and the world would be poor indeed. “It is interesting to observe,” says Margaret Sanger, “that the children of so-called POTENTIALITIES OF THE GIRL BABY 31 great men are seldom above the average in intelligence, where, on the other hand, almost all men of great minds have had intelligent mothers.” The biographies of many notable men reveal the fact that the fathers died while their sons were little more than infants, and that the qualities which sub- sequently made the boys famous were inspired and developed by the mothers. Sir William Hamilton’s father died when he was ten years old; Humboldt’s when he was only two. Abraham Men- delssohn is known as “the son of his father and the father of his son.” He lived to see his son famous; but it was Leah Mendelssohn, not Abraham, who gave the boy his first lessons in music. Washington owed to Mary Ball Wash- ington the training that made him 32 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL great, for his father died when he was ten. What Goethe’s mother was to him is well-known. Dr. Samuel Smiles records that after a lengthened inter- view with her, an enthusiastic traveler exclaimed, “Now do I understand how Goethe has become the man he is.” The potentiality of the mother is not to be measured by its influence on her immediate children alone. She is, as we have seen, the direct descendent of par- ents who lived six millions of years ago. A moment’s reflection will show us that she herself may become the parent of children who shall live millions of years hence. It is certain that one hundred years from now the only persons then living, with possibly a few excep- tions, will be children of girls born to- day. POTENTIALITIES OF THE GIRL BABY 33 It is evident therefore, that the influ- ence of the mother is not limited by the span of the generation of which she is the open door. The days of her years of conscious activity may be threescore and ten—but she shall continue to live, possibly through countless generations, until the very last member of the family that shall spring from her shall pass on. If we are to assume that there shall come a time when the existence of man- kind on this earth shall cease, then we can safely assert that some girl born to- day is literally the mother of the last human being; and as in Israel every woman was regarded as a potential mother of the Messiah, so we must re- gard every girl as reaching out in her motherhood to the ultimate of the race; and we are deeply concerned in all the WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL 34 stages of her preparation for this mis- sion. The girl of to-day—your daughter and mine—is to transmit to the unborn mil- lions that shall people the earth through- out all the ages to come, strength, en- ergy, beauty, capacity for self-control, patience, love, unselfishness, purity, vir- tue, and all the attributes that make for the melioration of life. Moreover, this responsibility is two-faced, and like Janus, it looks two ways; it perceives both a debt to the past and an obligation to the future. The prime factor in the ascent of man is, and always has been, the provision made for posterity. It is this that differentiates civilized man from the savage. The girl is what she is because countless ancestors have cease- lessly worked and striven not for per- POTENTIALITIES OF THE GIRL BABY 35 sonal benefit but for the advancement of their children. She represents the acme of this advancement—the highest point thus far attained—it has been a steady, consistent, unhurried, upward move- ment, and it devolves upon her to make possible its continuance. CHAPTER V IS IT WORTH WHILE? Consciously or not we are asking our- selves all through life, Is it worth while? Our every action, good or bad, is deter- mined by the answer we make. That some actions are good, and others not, is due to a confusion in our minds as to what is worth while. Our conception of what is desirable is subject to constant modification and re- adjustment. Everybody, young and old, desires happiness. This has been the one universal quest in all ages and of all peoples. But there neither is nor IS IT WORTH WHILE? 37 can be a universal measure. Nor is tbe ideal of happiness constant with the in- dividual. To a very little child a glowing coal is desirable, and it learns only through bit- ter experience that possession brings pain, not pleasure. To the child a little older grown, candy and sweetmeats spell happiness. Nothing seems so well worth while as to eat and eat. But in due course it learns that a surfeit of sweets brings distress and discomfort rather than delight. The desire of youth is for gayety and pleasure. There is a tendency to shirk serious work and hard study. The de- mand for amusement is insatiable. Un- directed and uncontrolled it retards progress in the schoolroom and is a bar to success in the business world: but 38 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL sooner or later there conies a conviction that happiness consists of something more than amusement. Misconceptions of happiness, more- over, are not peculiar to the unformed mind of youth. Our own ideas of hap- piness are equally subject to change, and too often we discover that what seemed very real to us while it was the immedi- ate object of our pursuit was but an elus- ive phantom. The things on which we centered our desire were chosen be- cause, at the time, they seemed worth while—more worth while than anything else. At no period in life is it easy to get the true perspective—to discriminate between momentary pleasure and per- manent well-being. The night school and the correspondence course are step- ping stones to success; but success is in IS IT WORTH WHILE? 39 the future, while the dance, the moving picture show and the novel are present pleasures. Is it worth while ? we ask, and because success seems remote we give ourselves up to the gratification of the moment. Thrift promises comfort and a compe- tence in old age, but old age is equally distant, while a motor car provides im- mediate enjoyment, and again we mort- gage the future for the present. We are told that the kingdom of heaven is within us hut preachers persist in holding it out as a reward in the afterlife; otherwise churches would be filled to overflowing. In all matters—spiritual, intellectual, and material—the prayer of the multi- tude is “give us this day our daily pleas- ure.” This inherent desire for pleasure is es- 40 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL pecially strong in the girl, and there comes a time when happiness and pleas- ure seem to her synonymous—the one be- ing comprehended in the other. She feels new life coursing through her veins, and her whole being tingles and vibrates in response to ineffable emotions which are the result of her physiological de- velopment. In thought she is pure; in act she is chaste as sculptured marble. But she is neither cold nor lifeless. On the contrary, she has almost superabun- dant vital energy. She is warm, pulsat- ing with happiness, and overflowing with affection which daily becomes more in- sistent in its demand for expression. It is about this most momentous period that we have the least positive knowl- edge. We may speculate, surmise, or conjecture, but we cannot know. The IS IT WORTH WHILE? 41 girl is reluctant to talk about lierself. Her thoughts are her own, and they are too sacred to be discussed even with her most intimate friend. Then, again, she is not analytical; she is content simply to feel; she has little desire to compre- hend, still less to translate her emotions into words for the comprehension of others. Now and then she commits to her diary thoughts which she is reluctant to confide to a living person, and in this way occa- sional glimpses of her inner self are ob- tained. It was to her diary that Jane Welsh told of her meeting with Benja- min B. A meeting it could hardly be called, seeing that he was on one bank of a river and she on the other. More- over, it is probable that he was utterly unconscious that he possessed interest 42 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL for her, for he seems not to have been aware of her presence. ‘ ‘ Let any human being conceive of a more tantalizing sit- uation!’’ she writes, “I saw him, and durst not make any effort to attract his attention, though, had my will been con- sulted in the matter, to have met him eyes to eyes and soul to soul I would have swam—aye, swam across, at the risk of being dosed with water gruel for a month to come.” The age of the girl who wrote this may be inferred from the nature of the pen- alty which occurred to her as the only result of her rash action. She was very young but already the instinct of woman- hood was asserting itself. Back of the desire for a meeting “eyes to eyes and soul to soul” there was doubtless an un- expressed longing for physical proxim- IS IT WORTH WHILE? 43 ity. It is present, in a greater or less degree, in all girls of this age. There is a positive rapture in the furtive touch of hand or hair, and little do we dream of the self-restraint which the girl imposes upon herself that she may not overstep the bounds prescribed for her. “She feels the stirring in her blood, which permeates the world, And thrills like willows in the spring, when sap begins to flow.” But not by so much as a gesture or a glance may she give expression to her feeling. It is an impulse to which all na- ture save herself immediately responds without a thought of the future; but she “durst not make any effort to attract.” She must hide her every emotion and wait. She may not take the initiative. These are the conditions that are im- 44 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL posed on her, and the girl who has been carefully reared accepts them uncom- plainingly. But how about the untu- tored child? When the opportunity to gratify her new-found desires presents itself—when happiness seems within easy reach—will a realization of the fact that it is her destiny to replenish the earth, that upon her as Woods Hutchin- son says, devolves the sacred duty of preserving the purity of the race, and of handing on the torch of life undimmed —will a knowledge and a realization of this stay her? If she ask, as ask she will, “Is it worth while?” what will be her answer? This will depend on the vividness of her conception of herself not as the mother of the race, but as the mother of her own children. CHAPTER VI DOLLS Iisr many of the books devoted to the sex education of children it is assumed that the logical basis of instruction is the vital processes exhibited in plants and in flowers, and that from these the child may be led to a consideration of the same processes in fishes and in the lower animals, and thus by easy steps to a con- sideration of life and reproduction in man. The idea originated with one of the early writers on the subject, and be- cause it is pretty and seems pedagogical it has been copied in one book after an- other by subsequent writers. Doubtless 46 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL there have been instances where this course of instruction has been followed with satisfactory results, but investiga- tion would probably reveal the existence of peculiarly favorable conditions in every case—either the mother was by previous training especially qualified to give instruction of this nature, or the en- vironment of the child was such as to make it easy and natural. Our problem, however, deals not with the exceptional child but with the aver- age child. We are concerned not so much with her enlightenment in matters of sex as with the building up for her of an ideal of motherhood. The adult mind may find it easy to perceive an analogy between a seed and a baby, but it is not so simple for the immature child-mind, whereas the analogy between a rag doll DOLLS 47 and a living baby, offers no difficulty whatever. Indeed, in the world of make- believe, in which the child spends most of her time, the rag doll is a real baby. It is in her attitude towards her dolls that the maternal instinct first manifests itself. They are real children; and she their real mother. It is evident, therefore, that this is the proper starting point of her instruction. It is here that we draw for her the out- line of the picture which from year to year it will be our effort to make increas- ingly pleasing and attractive. It is said that the best way to learn a subject is to take a pupil, and we pro- pose to apply this principle to the edu- cation of the child. We shall begin by making use of the dramatic instinct which is present in all 48 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL children. The girl likes to play at be- ing mother, and to imagine that Mary Jane, Boy Blue, and the rest, are “really truly” children. We will enter into the spirit of the game with her, and give unquestion- ing assent to all that she says or does. These children of hers must be washed and dressed. This is one of the great joys of the little mother, and because of the pleasure she takes in it it is easy to teach her two very essential lessons: (1) the importance of cleanliness, (2) that clothes are a covering for the body as well as a protection from heat and cold. There need be neither preaching nor teaching—just a hint, and she will be scrupulously careful to see that when she puts Mary Jane down her clothing shall he properly arranged. In this way DOLLS 49 she will almost unconsciously apply her first notions of modesty. Then, these children of hers must be fed regularly and put to sleep at the proper time. This also is a delight to her, but when she realizes that only in this way can they become big and strong these simple acts acquire a new significance. She will not need to be taught to nurse them in imaginary sickness nor to sym- pathize with them over imaginary hurts, for love and sympathy are inherent in all little mothers, and the tender devotion which the untaught child gives to a homely, maimed, and disfigured rag doll might well serve as a model for grown- ups. The idea of truth, however, does not come so naturally. It is an abstract idea, and so presents some difficulty, but she may be led to develop it for herself, 50 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL and to associate it with her thoughts of mother. Her happy talks to her dolls will furnish abundant suggestions. In all that she does for her little family there must be no suggestion of hardship, duty, or self-denial, for we want her picture of a mother not only to reflect goodness but to glow with hap- piness, and she can as easily be taught to believe that children are an unfailing source of pleasure as that they are a per- petual care. This belief coincides at any rate, with her own experience, be- cause in the doll household each new ad- dition always means increased pleasure. Now let us see what we have accom- plished, considered from the standpoint of moral education. We have suggested to the girl the thought of happy mother- hood, and we have associated with it DOLLS 51 ideas of truth and sincerity. We have given a reasonable basis for the care of the body, and we have taught lessons of cleanliness and of modesty. These things, which are far more essential to the future well-being of the girl than knowledge of ovules, pistils, and stamens, cannot he learned from the ob- servation of plants or animals. If vital processes must be taught to children, the coming of a new baby de- termines the time when they shall be pre- sented, and offers the best means for their presentation. At no other time can the information be given so naturally. If the question “where do babies come from?” has not been asked hitherto, it will he asked now. The girl has a right to the protection of the truth and she should be told she came from her mother. 52 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL If the information is given simply, it will excite neither surprise nor comment. It will mean the addition of a new fact to the child’s store of knowledge, hut since she acquires new facts every day, she un- consciously forms the habit of accepting them unquestioningly. But here again the idea of happiness must be dominant. There must be no talk of pain or suffering; on the contrary the whole period of expectation must be one of joyful anticipation. The aim should be not to awaken the girl’s sym- pathy with the mother’s suffering, but to make her a sharer of the mother’s bliss. “I think,” said a child who had been allowed to share, and had watched with growing interest the making of the little garments, and had seen happiness sewed in with every thread, “I think that DOLLS 53 if I could have the pleasure of looking forward to the coming of a baby, and of making one dainty little thing after an- other, and of folding them away as each was finished, and could feel just once its warm little body against my own, I should be content to die right then.” CHAPTER VII THE LITTLE MOTHER Commenting editorially on the case of twelve-year-old Elizabeth Fisher, a New York paper says: “Here was the in- stinct of the potential mother, the race mother, saving and protecting the young at the reckless, heedless gift of her life. ’1 The dispatch which called this forth told how that in crossing Fislikill Creek, Elizabeth’s little brother fell through the ice and was carried under it by the cur- rent. Without hesitation, she plunged in and caught him. Finding it impossible to break through or to get back, she let THE LITTLE MOTHER 55 the current carry them to the next bend where the ice was broken. There she struggled out, and with her clothes freez- ing on her, she carried the boy across the fields to her home. He was quickly re- vived, but the exposure and strain told heavily on the girl. “To-night,” says the dispatch, “in her home at Upper Hopewell, Elizabeth is threatened with pneumonia, but happy.” The New York editor thinks this a strange sort of happiness for a girl of twelve, “but is it not,” he asks, “pre- cisely the same happiness in varying phases upon which civilization has been kept alive I ’ ’ It is. And the more we realize this the more the conviction forces itself upon us that when a girl does “go wrong” the fault is not primarily her own. 56 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIR^ Viewed in the right light it will be seen that even in her amusements as a child there is no thought of self. We see her “playing” with her dolls, but earnest purpose characterizes every detail of her play; and the mainspring of all her activities is love and the desire to give service. Her whole being is bound up with these make-believe children of hers, and her happiness is limited only by her ability to do for them; there is no task too difficult for her to undertake. With unskilled fingers she sets herself to fashion the clothes they wear. The finished articles may be crude in design and faulty in make but “she seeketh wool, and flax and worketh willingly with her hands.” It is this desire to render service which makes her the best of helpers in household duties. THE LITTLE MOTHER 57 The boy, at this period, finds his amusement in top spinning, kite flying, boating or swimming—all of which are largely personal or individual in their nature; but the girl is happiest when she is allowed to do something—no mat- ter how little—to minister to the com- fort of others. It is this, also, that makes her the best of little mothers to younger children. This instinct of motherhood, present in all girls, is not affected by environment. It is perhaps even more evident in homes of squalor and poverty than it is in homes of luxury where household duties are highly specialized. There is some- thing intensely pathetic in the devoted care which the little mothers in the poorer quarters give to their small charges. Yet it is said that most of the 58 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL women in houses of ill-fame come from these quarters. Were they once “little mothers”? It seems incredible, but if it be true, is there not a suggestion here for missionaries and settlement workers ? The little mother of the slums does not differ from any other little mother. Considering her surroundings, we are surprised to find her possessed of the qualities she displays; but this only em- phasizes the fact that all girls are by na- ture good. They do not require to be taught goodness; it is latent, and needs only to be developed. If the nature of the girl is not perverted, it will grow in beauty from year to year. We have seen that the picture of motherhood which she may be led to draw for herself through her amuse- THE LITTLE MOTHER 59 ments contains in outline the elemental ideas of right living and of true woman- hood. These outlines may be filled in, and the whole picture rendered irresistibly at- tractive by making significant the duties she voluntarily assumes in connection with a younger brother or, if there be none in her own family, with the child of a neighbor. She delights in playing the part of mother or teacher to younger children, no matter who they are; and in using this as the means of her instruc- tion we come to her just where she is. Instead of trying to inject new ideas and principles into her mind, we build on those already there. She is interested in the baby. She should be taught to observe it closely, to study it with care, and to see what she 60 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL can discover for herself, and what con- clusions she can draw. There is no bet- ter ethical training than this and a little baby becomes a powerful and convincing preacher. The flesh of a little child is a synonym for purity. Naaman the leper “ dipped himself seven times in Jordan, and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.” This purity of flesh—this absolute cleanness —is one of the most conspicuous and at the same time one of the most lovable qualities in a young child. It is an easy step for the girl to associate it with thoughts of inward purity. Her mind is constantly working, and all that is needed is to direct her thoughts into right channels. Her imagination is active and with the THE LITTLE MOTHER 61 same facility with which she supplies speech to dumb animals and tempera- ment and character to dolls she will in- vent thoughts for the baby. The ques- tioning look that comes into its face with the dawn of intelligence will be full of deep meaning for her; and gradually the idea of innocence will be added to that of purity. The thought that the baby has a soul is far more wonderful than the processes which led to the birth of its body, and when once this finds a place in the girl’s mind it will grow and bear fruit. The baby will be something more to her than a bundle of soft flesh to be loved and caressed. Whatever ideas of goodness she has acquired she will apply; she will invest it with every quality which has been made admirable to her, and find a 62 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL spiritual significance in all that it does. The hope that some day she may be the mother of just such a baby is with her constantly—it is in this that all her thoughts and plans for the future cul- minate. Hence it is a very simple mat- ter to picture for her the pleasure that will be hers if she can look into her own baby’s eyes, returning look for look in perfect innocence, knowing that she has nothing to conceal—nothing she would be ashamed to have him know. It will be sufficient for the present if the little mother associate this possible feeling of shame with falsehood, diso- bedience, or dishonesty. There need be no suggestion of sex. With her thoughts centered on the baby in her charge and her imagination busy with the future, she will establish for herself THE LITTLE MOTHER 63 a truer ideal of right living than could be painted for her. All that we want to do is to make very real the happiness in store for her, and to show her that while it is hers—her natural heritage—it may easily be for- feited. Sooner or later, sexual impulse will assert itself, and she may be tempted to yield prematurely to its demands. Neither fear nor knowledge will help her then: but if she realizes that to yield means to sacrifice her most cherished ideal, she will, at least, hesitate. This means that she will think and consider; and the probability is she will reach a right decision. CHAPTER VIII THE BASIS OF CONFIDENCE Thus far we have seen the girl work- ing out her own salvation; but it is not to be expected that she shall do this en- tirely alone and unaided. We want her to build for herself an ideal of surpass- ing beauty and attractiveness, but she must be helped. Life presents many perplexing problems with which she is entirely unfitted to grapple and she needs counsel and guidance. Some seek to evade responsibility by putting into her hands a printed book with the injunction: “Read this— carefully and thoughtfully—in your own THE BASIS OF CONFIDENCE 65 room.” But this is not fair to her. It insinuates the thought of shame and se- crecy. It shuts her up with a lifeless page when her crying need is for living human sympathy. It is a sad commentary on modern life that the girl is more likely to find sym- pathetic comprehension in humble homes where the burden of household cares falls upon the mother than she is in homes of wealth. One mother, whose household numbers no fewer than six maids, was heard to remark: “You know, I haven’t heard Edna say her prayers in two years, but I did last week when Fraulein was ill.” And then followed a recital of what Edna had said—the sweet confi- dences of a child to whom God was very real. This mother found something so humorous in the naive expressions of WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL 66 her little daughter that she retailed them over the teacups for the amusement of her afternoon callers, with careless in- difference as to whether or not they were overheard by the child. Happily this is an unusual case. To most mothers the prayers of children are as sacred as the confidences of the con- fessional are to the pastor. There are, however, many who take pleasure in re- lating little sayings and artless expres- sions, or in repeating, perhaps with meaning looks, first questions in regard to life and reproduction. Whether this is done in the presence of the child or whether, as sometimes happens, the con- versation is suddenly checked when she enters the room, the effect is equally bad. Others, who would never think of mak- ing the confidences of their children the THE BASIS OF CONFIDENCE 67 topic of conversation with friends, see no impropriety in discussing them with their husbands. While there are doubt- less circumstances which at times make such a course not only desirable but im- perative, it is obvious that this, too, may have a bad effect, for an extremely sensi- tive girl who, under other circumstances would be only too glad to confide in her mother, might keep back things of an in- timate personal nature—vital to her physical and spiritual well-being— simply because the thought of such things coming to the knowledge of a man, was repugnant to her—even though that man were her own father. The idea that a wife may not and, in certain eases, should not tell everything to her husband, and consult with him freely in regard to the children, will not 68 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL find general favor. It must be remem- bered, however, that the problem with which we are dealing has challenged all the time-honored methods of solution and is still unsolved. Hence anything which gives promise of success should be tried, even though it involve the aban- donment of customs and habits which have become almost second nature, and for which there seems to be every justi- fication. We saw in Chapter II that the mother is preeminently the best guide and teacher of the girl. By the very nature of their being there exists a strong bond of sympathy between these two. Motherhood—actual in the one, potential in the other—spans the disparity in years, and brings them together on the common ground of understanding. THE BASIS OF CONFIDENCE 69 It is possible for the mother to be the girl’s chosen friend—the one preferred to all others, with whom all others are measured and compared. All the con- ditions favorable to this are present. The daily happenings of her early years have served to impress on the girl the thought that mother knows, and the countless examples she has had of the mother’s prudence, discretion, and wise management have not been without ef- fect. As a result, her belief in the mother’s ability is unbounded, and it is upon this belief that friendship is founded. We seek for a friend, one whose knowledge is greater than our own, who can look ahead, and foresee the future results of present actions, and who has the poise and assurance which guarantees wise action in an emergency. 70 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL Coupled with this there must be a feel- ing of confidence. This does not mean simply reliance or dependence, nor does it involve merely the recognition of abil- ity. The word confide means with faith, and the idea of faith comprehends as- surance and trust. When we confide in a person, pledges of secrecy are unneces- sary: the act itself implies a belief that the one confided in is a safe repository for our innermost thoughts, our most in- timate secrets. Where there is faith there must of necessity be a willingness to believe, and not only a willingness but also a desire: for without this faith is impossible. The willingness and the desire spring from love. Thus Saint Peter speaks of those who are “ guarded through faith unto salvation. ” THE BASIS OF CONFIDENCE 71 If the girl can have this abiding faith in her own mother it will be a more pres- ent help to her in times of difficulty, doubt, and trouble than all the knowl- edge she could derive from all the books ever printed. CHAPTER IX FKOM CHILDHOOD TO WOMANHOOD An excellent little book, written more than thirty years ago, contains this state- ment: “One rule should be absolute in every house: the mother should keep the daughter with and near her until the turning point between childhood and girlhood is safely passed.” The crux is in the last two words—“safely passed.” It is more than a turning point. Often it means, for the time being at least, a complete change of nature—a change so radical that, were it not for the physical resemblance, the recogni- tion of the girl we have known intimately FROM CHILDHOOD TO WOMANHOOD 73 for ten or twelve years might be difficult. The time of the change depends to some extent on climate and environment. It comes earlier to city children and to chil- dren living in a warm climate. But to most children it comes between the ages of ten and fourteen. The physical manifestation of this change is well known, and few mothers fail to warn their daughters of its ap- proach. Its deep spiritual significance is, however, too often entirely ignored. Yet when the right conditions exist, it may be made the means of vitalizing all the training up to this time. It seems strange that while the change itself is fully expected, the premonitory symptoms are so frequently either un- recognized or unheeded. And it is ow- ing to this that at the time when the girl 74 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL stands most in need of sympathetic un- derstanding she is most likely to be mis- judged. It is at this period that her bodily growth is greatest. The energy she is putting forth simply to grow at the rate she is growing would sap the vital force of a younger person and be a severe drain upon one who had reached mature years. Nor is this all; simultaneously with the bodily growth of which there is external evidence, a physiological de- velopment of internal organs is taking place which is a further tax on her strength and nervous system. Doctors insist that at this time the girl should not be subjected to any great ex- ertion—either mental or physical. But unfortunately these views find expres- sion only in papers read before medical FROM CHILDHOOD TO WOMANHOOD 75 societies, unless a doctor happens to be called in to prescribe for a girl who has been overtaxed; and then the mischief may be beyond repair. Because the girl seems to shirk house- hold service which hitherto she has given willingly and joyfully, it does not follow that she is indolent or lazy. Nor does her apparent unwillingness to study indicate that she is lacking in ambition or indifferent to her future. Nature prescribes a period of rest as a prelim- inary to vigorous growth. With her, the growth has already commenced, and it is simply impossible for her to do more than she is doing. The general recognition of this fact would secure for her more sympathetic treatment at a time when she needs every considera- tion. WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL But physical growth is only a part—a comparatively small part—of her life. She is feeling, thinking, reasoning. The years of childhood have been years of existence only. Now she is beginning to live, and life is unfolding itself as something wonderful, mysterious, and inscrutable—filled with possibilities. There are questions clamoring for con- sideration with an insistence that will not be denied. There are new relations which must be established, and others which demand re-adjustment. And it is all a hopeless puzzle to her. She is becoming conscious of self, but as yet she does not know the new self, nor can she recognize the old. Hitherto she has been care-free, good-natured, frank, and open. Now she finds herself nervous, irritable, and, perhaps, hysteri- FROM CHILDHOOD TO WOMANHOOD 77 cal, with an ever-present desire to get off somewhere entirely alone. She has strange appetites and unnatural crav- ings which she cannot explain, and while she feels the need of love and sympathy, she is inclined to resent the expression of either. It is small wonder that the regular daily routine has lost its inter- est, and that her one desire is to with- draw herself and brood and think. By some it is thought that here should be begun her instruction in matters re- lating to sex. But this is a grave mis- take. If she has had no instruction hith- erto, it may be especially distasteful to her at this time. As a child she has had no thought of sex; now she is becoming keenly conscious of it. This does not mean that she is feeling the impulse of sex: that may be still in the future. She 78 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL is simply awakening to the fact that she is feminine. Closely following this awakening there invariably comes a sense of shame. It is instinctive—na- ture’s provision for the protection of her innocence, and it has the effect of mak- ing her peculiarly sensitive to the least indelicate allusion. Hence, since all al- lusions to her newly discovered self seem to her indelicate, to obtrude sexual mat- ters upon her now might only result in setting up a barrier which would make further instruction ineffective, if not al- together impossible. Assuming, however, that the right conditions exist, that the previous train- ing of the child has been what it should be, and that there has been developed in her a high reverence for motherhood, it is obvious that this turning point which FROM CHILDHOOD TO WOMANHOOD 79 she has reached may well be made the culmination of her instruction. The procreative processes may now be ex- plained to her in fuller detail. Mother- hood has become a possibility to her, and she may be shown that since it has taken ten, twelve, or fourteen years, as the case may be, of healthful living to bring her to this stage, a further period of careful living is necessary to mature her newly- developed functions. This imposes restrictions which hith- erto she has not known, but they will not be irksome, for they are a part of her preparation for her high office. Instead of rebelling against hygienic regulations which must now be established, she will rather welcome them, and she will of her own accord take precautions against un- necessary risks. 80 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL To the extent that she realizes herself as the founder of the race and the archi- tect of the nation, to the extent that her office has been magnified to her reason and imagination, to the extent that she has been led to picture herself the mother of a child perfect in form and in purity, she will regard the change that has come to her as the dawn of power and the gateway of happiness. Thus, instead of bringing a feeling of shame and fear, it will create understanding and comprehension. CHAPTER X THE PERIOD OP RECONSTRUCTION The dawn of womanhood is in reality a new birth. The girl is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. She has passed from one state to another, and, as we have pointed out, the change is so radi- cal that recognition of her is difficult even to those who have known her best, while to herself it may be almost impos- sible. This transition ushers in a period of reconstruction in which there will of ne- cessity be entirely new combinations of 82 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL ideas and entirely new applications of principles. The girl is individual. She is herself, and she can be no one else. She must formulate her own scheme of living, and live her own life. It is only by so doing that she can become self-trustful, and in the great crises of her life she will have only herself to depend upon. Neverthe- less, she needs help, and the nature of the assistance to be given, and the man- ner in which it shall be rendered are im- portant considerations. But while they are important, these considerations need present no difficulty. We have had constantly in mind a time when the girl will be called upon to make a decision which may affect her whole future, and, through her, the future of the race to the end of time, and we want THE PERIOD OF RECONSTRUCTION 83 to help her to reach a right decision. That is all. We cannot make the deci- sion for her—she must make it for her- self. It is simply a question of what will influence her in deciding aright? what will deter her from deciding wrongly ? We have seen that the only way effec- tually to safeguard her is to teach her how to live. This was the aim of her instruction in childhood, and it must con- tinue to he the aim in the new life she has commenced. We have seen how she may be influenced by being made to realize herself not simply as the potential mother of the race, but as the mother of her own children. This establishes the ultimate purpose of her existence. But all living should be purposeful. There should be meaning and intent to all that 84 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL slie does. Purpose takes all the drudg- ery out of work, and invests common actions with new meanings. Thus, Brother Laurence washed dishes and pots and pans, and even picked up straws “for the love of Gfod,” and the most menial task was glorified thereby. And so it may be with the girl. She may be led to measure her every action, not by the personal gratification it affords but by its effect on the happiness of others. This is easier than may at first appear because with the development of self- consciousness there is a tendency to self- criticism. She has an almost morbid sense of wrong which leads her to see crimes where formerly she might have failed to discover faults. The innocent self-pleasurings of childhood seem hei- THE PERIOD OF RECONSTRUCTION 85 nous sins of selfishness for which only a life of self-denial can atone, and this makes her peculiarly open to suggestions of altruism. Such suggestions can be made in connection with every detail of the day’s work. Thus at a time when by nature she is most plastic—capable of being molded or fashioned to any form—she may be induced to form the habit of almost unconsciously pondering the things she does, and appraising pres- ent actions with a definite regard to future results. This is a good habit to form, especially at this time; because at no other period of her life is the girl so disposed, in esti- mating future results, to give full con- sideration to the rights and happiness of others. Considering that selfishness is instinctive with the child, it may seem 86 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL strange to find a girl in her teens so re- gardful of others; but it is a phase of her spiritual development characteristic of the period of adolescence. It should be borne in mind, also, that it is not only the reconstruction period for the girl—it is also the formative period for the woman. As the girl is between the ages of fourteen and twenty, the woman of later years will be. Dr. Caroline Wormeley Latimer, in Girl and Woman, has contributed two very helpful chapters in which she takes up all types of adolescent girls. Her professional knowledge, wide experience, keen insight, and womanly sympathy are disclosed in every sentence, and the book is earnestly recommended to every mother who desires to give her daughter efficient aid in the remodeling of her THE PERIOD OF RECONSTRUCTION 87 life. The adolescent girl may be shy or bold, tongue-tied or talkative, social or solitary, careless about her personal ap- pearance or extremely fastidious. The manifestations are many, but not infre- quently they spring from the same emo- tional disturbances, and only to the extent that these are known and under- stood will the help that is offered be acceptable to her. Nor should it be overlooked that re- construction means something more than merely re-forming or rebuilding. It involves also the principle of adjust- ment. It is highly important that at this period order, regularity, and system form a part of the girl’s life. This must not be taken as advocating the adoption of hard and inflexible rules. 88 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL Following on the free and untrammeled state of childhood, these would be irk- some if not absolutely intolerable; but the girl at this period is acutely sensitive to beauty and harmony, and she may easily be led to see how these flow out of order and regularity. Discords jar her painfully; she desires consonance in her home, with her friends, and in her social circle. All her impulses are towards beauty, and this desire which is closely akin to instinct or intuition may so be developed that she will hesitate and pon- der when she is tempted to any act which must necessarily create discord and in- harmonious relations. CHAPTER XI FRIENDSHIPS An unknown curve in a country road may prove to be entirely safe and serve to disclose fresh beauties of scenery, or it may lead to a bad hill or an unsafe crossing. The uncertainty as to what lies beyond creates a feeling of appre- hension. The same uncertainty exists in regard to companionships formed by the girl; one may lead to a friendship which shall be a helpful influence in her life, another to a connection which may ruin it; and because there is no possi- bility of foreseeing the end, the tendency 90 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL is to apprehend danger, and to post the warning: Stop! Look! Listen! But the girl herself feels the uncer- tainty. She may not have a very clear idea of what she seeks in a friend; she may not even know what qualities have special attraction for her. She does know that a chance acquaintance has brought new interests into her life, and it is impossible for her to associate with this the idea of evil or of wrong. Thus, because the one most concerned is least sensible of the danger, the warning is frequently unheeded. Unfortunately it rarely occurs to us that our apprehensions may be entirely without grounds. The danger seems not only apparent, but imminent, and when advice is disregarded, there is a tend- ency to resort to commands, and to im- FRIENDSHIPS 91 pose restrictions. This is natural, but it is a mistake. It is easy to say to the girl, “You must not see John Smith again.” It is not so easy to make her see the reasonable- ness of the command, and unless she does, its only effect will be to awaken in her a spirit of antagonism and opposi- tion. Since the friends she makes are pecul- iarly her own—as much a part of her own individual life as were her dolls and hooples in earlier years—she feels fully competent to select them. But back of this there is a feeling of loyalty to her new-found friends which prompts her to take up the cudgels in their behalf, and to go to any extreme in their defense. The wiser course is to put oneself in her place—to get her point of view; and 92 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL when this first step is taken, it will dic- tate all subsequent steps. This was the experiment of one mother who learned that her daughter—a girl of thirteen—was interested in a trolley car conductor. She made no effort to influence the girl, she did not attempt to point out that there could be no com- munity of interests between the girl and the car conductor. Instead, she ascer- tained that the attraction consisted in the fact that he was good-looking, and that added to this he never made the mistake of treating her girl as a child, but paid her all the attention he did to older women. It was a pretty compli- ment to a girl just graduated from the nursery that after one or two trips he Stopped the car right where she wanted to get off without a sign from her. And FRIENDSHIPS 93 this little attention constituted his chief charm. Some might have tried to show that this was nothing—that it was probably dictated by the policy of the road, but this mother lent herself to her daugh- ter’s views and saw in it a pretty atten- tion. She even went farther, and took her daughter to the home of the car con- ductor and met his mother and other members of his family. This was enough. The genesis of this particular friendship was exceedingly simple—the treatment equally so. Another young girl formed an ac- quaintance of like nature with an officer of the Board of Water Supply. Here the attraction seemed to be the same def- erence in manner, coupled with the mili- tary look of his uniform and the fact that 94 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL he sat his horse rather well. The girl had only the slightest acquaintance with the man but this heightened the romantic element of the friendship and made its attraction the stronger—the girl was only fifteen. The treatment of this case was slightly different. The mother of the girl in- vited the officer to her home, where his question, “Don’t youse ever go to the dances at the hall?” and his casual ref- erence to “lady friends,” showed the girl whether she wanted him for a friend or not. This frank, open meeting of the girl’s friends in her own home and in theirs does more to protect her than any amount of warning. Warning, indeed, does more evil than good. Watching and warning convey a negative sugges- FRIENDSHIPS 95 tion, imply distrust, and assume, if not a natural tendency to do wrong, an amenability to evil influence. A great deal of stress is laid on the fact that at this time the girl is most likely to receive information in sexual matters in an impure manner from older girls. But, if the course laid out thus far has been followed, there need be no danger. The truth has been revealed to her in its purity and beauty. She has formed her ideals; she cherishes them; and she will not be disposed to continue an acquaintance with one who debases them by impure suggestions. On the other hand, she may derive much good from the friendships which really attract her. There is a tendency in the girl at this age to select a woman of mature age as a friend. To this 96 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL friend the girl will pour out the inner- most thoughts of her being as well as the tiniest happenings of the day. Such a friend has a large opportunity to direct the girl, and, by example, to instruct her in poise and womanly bearing. Friend- ships like this may often help the girl over a difficult or dangerous crossing. CHAPTER XII THE GIRL IN BUSINESS The business girl, as we are wont to call her, appears to be a new product of the times. She renounces the domestic activities that gave point and purpose in the life of her mother, to become a finan- cial supporter of home-life rather than a participator in its required labor. Whether this be a fair and desirable ex- change is not to be judged offhand. It is exactly as incumbent upon the young woman with talent for business, art, music, or professional life, to return that talent multiplied, after the biblical 98 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL manner, as it is in the case of a young man. Whether this is to be accom- plished to the entire exclusion of thought and skill attained in home management, is an individual question, though it may be said that some of the most noted and accomplished women of to-day are as well equipped in household administra- tion as they are in their special kind of work. The social development of the last few decades has presented woman in a new light, or rather she has so presented her- self, making it convincingly clear that she is capable in an infinitely extensive range of activities. She builds, teaches, manages large business affairs; she has become distinguished in music, letters, and the whole circle of arts; she has lent dignity and thoroughness to social and THE GIRL IN BUSINESS 99 political activities; and in no instance where sane, intellectual guidance has been her principle has she failed. She has, in fact, succeeded to a marked de- gree. The business woman, though a mod- ern instance, comparatively, is really capable in her calling from ancient lin- eage. History has record of her doings through all its run of the unfolding past. The turning to a life of active business affairs is new to-day only in the sense that it is attracting large numbers of young women. The instances of the past are solitary—those of to-day are countless; and with it all there neces- sarily arise new conditions, new duties, new relationships, all of which depend for their well-being upon the develop- ment of the faculty of self-reliance—a 100 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL faculty that, in the very nature of things, must be wisely and persistently evolved. No question arises more persistently than the one which asks: Is the girl of to-day safe in the domain of business employment ? The implication seems to be that while she may have the necessary capacity to become efficient in affairs, she has no like capacity for taking care of herself once she undertakes them. Bearing in mind the fact that the individual life is always lived from the individual per- ception or point of view, it is perfectly justifiable to say that the girl who is ca- pable of sustaining herself at all is no less capable of doing so in the active world of affairs. Her principal assets in the practice of her daily work are re- markably simple; they are common sense, THE GIRL IN BUSINESS 101 self-control, knowledge and the trained faculty of observation. Precisely these qualities must underlie and fortify her relationships. If her judgment in busi- ness is sufficient to warrant her being assured of a salary, it must no less war- rant her in expecting recognition of the quality of her services and respect for herself. She earns both by her own at- titude, poise, and point of view. Much then has been preached and written about the pitfalls of the modern business world, because it is not an en- tirely blameless domain. But the young woman who proposes to enter upon a business career may place confidence in the statement that no business house of good standing has ever secured perma- nent footing in the business world save as the conduct of its business affairs lies 102 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL in the hands of gentlemen. In every well-conducted business, profit as the payment for service is the principal ob- ject of its development; but the business man knows that this essential result can- not eventuate unless every worker is busy, contented, protected, desirous of advancement, and worthy of gradually increasing participation in its success. Business is, without question, the most intensely active art in modern life. When it is anything less it is neither business nor art. It is neither safe as an enterprise, nor secure as a stage on which to labor. Therefore, the group of faculties which, when developed, admit a young woman into the family of workers in a business house of the best order, are at the same time an earnest that, by the fur- THE GIRL IN BUSINESS 103 ther exercise of the same faculties, she can sustain herself as a worker, and maintain herself as a woman. Her re- lationships will in a sense forever remain impersonal. They belong to the busi- ness itself in common with the like rela- tion of every other worker under the roof. Business is a central point upon which the thought of all people connected with it concentrates. It is not assumed that the thought of the workers shall concentrate upon one another. That im- mediately denies to the stream of intelli- gence its proper alignment. Therefore, the creed of the business girl may run something like this: I am engaged in business. All my thought, energy, knowledge, and strength must be devoted to the busi- ness. 104 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL In this respect I work equally with all others in this establishment. I am not called upon to establish any relationship save that of a co- worker. Neither the fact of my appearance, nor of my sex, comes before my capacity as an integral part of the working organiza- tion. I am of value here only as I aid in pro- moting the well-being of the business or- ganization by serving as a builder of re- sults. By the very impersonal process that I am a successful worker, I sustain my in- dividuality, and my status. I assume that every one with whom I come in contact is a gentleman or a gentlewoman, and in this very assump- tion I create and maintain, so far as I am THE GIRL IN BUSINESS 105 personally concerned, that status for them. There was recently addressed to the writer, a letter from a stenographer con- nected with a small business house in a New England city. It stated that the head of the business to whom the young woman acted as secretary, had on sev- eral occasions taken her out to lunch and dinner, having first represented himself as an unmarried man. Subsequently she learned that her employer was married, and had a family of three children. Her query was: Should she, in view of this deception, resign from her position? Such a letter is evidence of one of countless relations between men and women in business that seem almost im- perceptibly to establish themselves. The affair begins so simply, often appar- 106 WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR GIRL ently so naturally, that one does not per- ceive how gradually a serious situation is forming. It may be difficult to answer such a query, but it is easy enough to point out that here is a case illustrating the fundamental fact of which we have spoken: namely, that business is business pure and simple, and it does not depend upon the establishment of intimate per- sonal relationships that ultimately be- come hard to explain or embarrassing in their development. The answer to the young woman’s question lies further back than the pres- ent situation. Had she determined to enter upon a business career as an occu- pation requiring all her attention, and appealing to all of her capacity success- fully to carry it on, the embarrassing query might never have arisen. Un- THE GIRL IN BUSINESS 107 fortunately the cheap literature of the day abounds in stories of the head of the business, or his son—the heir to the pa- ternal fortune—bestowing his hand and heart upon the humble stenographer. It reads well, but still the fact remains that it is fiction testimony. No young woman can establish upon so slender a support the line of conduct that shall characterize her. The one and single charm she must forever possess, guard- ing it with the utmost solicitude, is her purity and dignity of womanhood. This not only dignifies her daily labor, but it dignifies her; and she has only to think for a moment to perceive that this is the one indispensable attribute, whether her life be spent in the quiet circle of home duties or in the turbulent stream of in- tense business. THE PLA TT AND PECK CO. WHAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR BOY EDMUND THOMAS WITH A FOREWORD BY DR. A. E. WINSHIP Bound in Cloth “Here is a book that is genuinely heroic, clean in every sentence, noble in spirit, reliable in statement, optimistic in tone. This is an exceedingly rare combination for a book of this class, and yet this book is even more significant than such a statement suggests. There is enough on each phase of the subject and never too much. There is nothing holier in life than to help a boy be virtuous as a boy and man. This book is such a message, has such a mission.’—Journal of Education. “Admirably written and actually inspirational in its treat- ment of a difficult topic. It can be praised without re- serve.”—Boston Herald. “A useful little book for parents. The author treats of his subject in the broad light of the present day.”—New York American. “The book carries ‘straight-from-the-shoulder’ advice to Twentieth Century fathers. Every father will do well to profit by Mr. Thomas’ advice.”—Houston Post. “Written with all fairness to the boy, yet with a perfect understanding of the wishes of a parent. The author clearly defines the correct attitude of a parent to the youth.”— Washington Times. Price, Net 50 Cents THE PLATT AND PECK COMPANY LETTERS FROM A FATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER ENTERING COLLEGE By CHARLES FRANKLIN THWING, D.D., LL.D. PRES. WESTERN RESERVE UNIVERSITY. Bound in Cloth Net SO Cents “It is sane, wholesome and inspiring. _ I wish every student entering Smith College might read it. It calls them to seek the best and give the best at all times and under all circumstances.”—M. L. Burton, Pres. Smith College. “They are both paternal and academic. Almost all the problems a girl would have to face from the time she began to think of entering college are discussed. It is well worth while for any girl to read this book.”—Boston Tran- script. “The little book should be a common sense farewell present from any father when he tells his daughter good- bye as she goes away to college.”—Savannah News. “Contains much good advice. The book is an excellent one, and should be widely read.”—Boston Times. “A book containing rare and wholesome advice, presented in a common sense and practical way.”—Richmond News Dealer. “The advice is sound and sane.”—Denver Times. “It would not be a bad plan for the parents to read the letters also.”—San Francisco Chronicle. THE PLATT & PECK COMPANY LETTERS FROM A FATHER TO HIS SON ENTERING COLLEGE By CHARLES FRANKLIN THWING, D.D., LL.D. pres, western reserve university. Bound in Cloth Net 50 Cents “Letters From a Father to His Son Entering College,” by President Charles F. Thwing, is a book which every father should read and give to his son whether he is going to college or not. It is full of sound, common sense and is practical rather than preachy.—Philadelphia Inquirer. This book should be in every home, and be made a text book in the colleges and universities of the land.—Denver Times. “I have read nothing lately which for wholesouled help- fulness to young men has impressed me more than Dr. Thwing’s Letters. I appreciate having them in this beauti- ful and substantial form.”—Booker T. Washington. “Every high school graduate should have a copy placed in his hands.”—F. W. Atkinson. “I wish every student entering college could read Dr. Thwing’s little book, ‘Letters from a Father to His Son Entering College.’ ”—Benjamin Ide Wheeler. “Fortunate the son who has such a father! Happy the father whose son follows such wholesome, clean-cut, inspir- ing advice. It must do any boy good to read such a book.” —Henry Van Dyke. THE PLATT & PECK COMPANY YOUTH AND OPPORTUNITY THOMAS TAPPER, Litt.D. Bound in Cloth, net $1.00. Graduation Edition, net $1.25. A Book That Will Put Many Young Men on the Road to Success Each young man and woman must ask the questions: “What shall I do? How can I make my mark in the world?” The book “Youth and Opportunity” will answer these questions for many thousands of readers. Every young man to succeed must know upon what suc- cess in business is based, just as every builder of a house must know what sort of a foundation the house requires. Mr. Tapper outlines the basis of success. For those that are willing to build as Burritt built, will- ing to use their brain for the sake of the future while using f their muscles or their feet to make a living in the present, for those that believe that knowledge is worth while and that idleness is a disgrace, there are lessons in Mr. Tapper’s book of highest value—for that reason we recommend it. Extracts from Mr. Arthur Brisbane’s editorial in the N. Y. Evening Journal of September 28, 1912. THE PLATT & PECK COMPANY YOUTH AND OPPORTUNITY TABLE OF CONTENTS OF EQUIPMENT. I. The Point of View. II. The Conduct of Life. III. Mind and Body, IV. Environment. V. The Essential Education. EFFICIENCY. VII. The Basis of Success in Business. VIII. The Value of a Man’s Time. IX. Work and Efficiency. X. Types and Dreamers. XI. A Dreamer in Action. XII. The Golden Key. CULTURE. XIII. What is Culture? XIV. The Art of Reading. XV. The Reading Hour. XVI. The Best Books. XVII. The Revival of Learning. ' ACTIVITY. XVIII. Getting a Living. XIX. What Money Means. XX. Building a Fortune. XXI. Odd Moments. XXII. Citizenship. RESOURCES. XXIII, Freedom. XXIV. Ability. XXV. Perseverance. XXVI. Happiness. ACHIEVEMENT. XXVII. At the Kiln. XXVIII. In a Laboratory. XXIX. In a Stone Quary. XXX. At a Forge. THE MESSAGE. XXXI. The Message of Art. XXXII. The Message of the Humble. THE PLATT AND PECK COMPANY THE INSPIRATION BOOKS EDITED BY THOMAS TAPPER, Litt.D. Bound in Cloth, Gold Stamped Price per Volume 35 Cents A SCORE OF FAMOUS MEN, by Thomas Tapper. GETTING ON IN LIFE, by Thomas Tapper. WORKING FOR THE BOSS, by Frank Andrews Fall. LITTLE STORIES OF PROGRESS, by Frank Andrews Fall. THRIFT, by Samuel Smiles. Edited by Murray Johnson. THE STAIRWAY OF SUCCESS, Being Self-Help by Samuel Smiles. Edited by Murray Johnson. THE BOY AS A CITIZEN, by Thomas Tapper. MAKING LIFE WORTH WHILE, by Edmund T. Ker. KEEP UP YOUR COURAGE STORIES, by Franklin P. Lucas. LITTLE STORIES OF INSPIRATION, by Thomas Tapper. THE PLATT AND PECK CO. MY OWN STORY THE SPIRIT AND SERVICE OP BIG BUSINESS ILLUSTRATING JOSEPH H. APPEL DIRECTOR OF PUBLICITY IN THE WANAMAKER STORES. Bound in Cloth Price, Net 50 Cents “It is a book tense with human interest and feeling, and in certain places it approaches with amazing cleverness and force some of the profoundest problems of life. The book will help thoughtful grown people; it will help young peo- ple just starting out in a business career.”—Christian Herald. “The suggestions oifered will make a wide and deep. Read it and you will wish your young folks—in your home and in your store—to read it, too.”—Dry Goods Economist. “As a human document it is worth study.”—San Fran- cisco Chronicle. “The book is brief, and its sentences are terse and unin- volved, yet between its covers Mr. Appel not only chronicles all the essentials of his career in a manner intimate and revealing, but also finds time and space to formulate what is virtually a philosophy of business success, founded on his own experience.”—Philadelphia Press. “Mr. Appel has managed to put into small compass more and better philosophy and more and better practical wis- dom in the art of getting on and making good in life, than is often found between covers.”—Brooklyn Standard TJnion.