[Produced for The Mental Health Division of The Department of National Health and Welfare, Ottawa
By the National Film Board of Canada]
[Prepared with the technical advice of the Medical Staff of The Allan Memorial Institute of Psychiatry,
McGill University, and the Royal Victoria Hospital Montreal]
[Narrator:] This is Margaret, 23 years old, unmarried, the older of two children
of an average family.
Her outward appearance is a quiet, prudent girl.
But still she is not well.
She is troubled by headaches, stomach upsets, dizzy spells.
She tires easily.
These are not uncommon complaints, but a most thorough examination has shown
no physical reasons for them, such as tumors, anemia, or infections.
Because of the possibility of emotional causes, she is being referred to a psychiatrist.
[Margaret:] Well, I do have these awful headaches.
I don't just imagine them.
[Doctor:] Of course you don't.
Tell me about your most recent one.
[Margaret:] It was only last night.
I left the office at about the usual time.
There was a good movie on and I decided I'd see it after supper.
[Music, then a door opening and closing.]
Hello, Daddy.
[Father:] Hello, Margaret. You back?
[Virginia:] Hello, Marg. Hello, Daddy.
How's my handsome Daddy tonight?
[Father:] Oh, go on and let me read my paper.
[Mother:] Now, Virginia, I don't want you sitting on the arms of chairs.
[Virginia:] Oh, Mother. I won't hurt the old chair.
[Father:] Oh, she's all right.
[Mother:] William, have you fixed the furnace?
Why do I have to remind you of everything?
Margaret, you look tired.
[Margaret:] Oh?
[Mother:] Come to supper, all of you.
[Father stands up; the newspaper rustles as he folds it.]
Girls, I'm not feeling very well.
Will you do the dishes and finish the ironing?
[Virginia:] Oh, Mommy, I can't.
I've got an important date. I have to get dressed.
[Mother:] My, aren't you the popular one?
[Virginia:] Sis will do it, won't you Sis?
[Margaret:] Yes. I'll do it.
[Music, becoming increasingly sharp and dramatic.]
Sorry I couldn't finish, Mommy, I'm not feeling very well.
[Mother:] Another headache? Let me get you an aspirin, dear.
[Margaret:] I'll be all right. I'll get one when I go upstairs.
[Narrator:] Giving up a decision to see a movie in order to help with the housework
is not out of the ordinary in itself.
But when this is followed by feelings of more than usual tiredness, nervousness and discomfort,
it suggests emotional difficulties which the patient herself does not understand.
[Doctor:] You didn't have the headache at the office or on the way home?
Not until after dinner?
[Margaret:] No.
[Doctor:] Weren't you disappointed not to see that movie?
[Margaret:] Well, yes, I was.
[Doctor:] Well, tell me more about your headaches.
[Margaret:] I had an awful one last week.
It was so bad I couldn't go to the office party.
Everyone was going.
The girls spent a lot of time talking about it.
I was going to get a new blouse to wear with my blue suit.
There was a sale the day before the party.
I was going after work.
And then Ms. Henderson asked me to stay and do some extra typing for one of the girls.
[Ms. Henderson:] I know you won't mind, dear. Barbara is so anxious to get off on time.
[Barbara:] I've just got to get my hair done for the party.
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Barbara:] Thanks Marg, you're a dear.
[Narrator:] She finds no comfort in agreeing. She simply cannot disagree.
[Margaret stays late at the office while everyone else departs.]
[A clock on the fireplace mantle chimes as Margaret finally walks in her front door after the workday.]
[Mother:] Margaret?
[Margaret:] Yes, Mother.
[Mother:] What kept you so late?
[Margaret:] I had a lot of work to do.
[Mother:] Did you get the blouse, dear?
[Margaret:] Mother, I will when I get time.
[Mother:] Now don't forget, dear. I want you to look nice for tomorrow.
[Margaret:] The next day I went to the store.
There was one the sales girl wanted me to buy.
It reminded me of one of my mother's.
She said it was just right for me. I wasn't sure.
[Narrator:] The inability to say no, easily persuaded against her own feelings,
she accepts other people's choices and not her own, for which she suffers.
[Margaret tries on the new blouse she was persuaded to buy.]
[Margaret, to herself:] I hate this blouse!
[Narrator:] Her dissatisfaction and disappointment result in the familiar headache
and a feeling of utter weariness.
As the interviews continue, memories of earlier life reveal the same inability to assert herself.
It gradually becomes clear that this developed from the fear of losing love
and of not being wanted.
A school friendship.
[Margaret:] She was wonderful, so popular and pretty.
We used to go everywhere together.
Everyone liked her, but I was her best friend.
[Narrator:] The friendship gave the patient a feeling of being wanted and useful.
She enjoys her friend's successes without exposing herself to dangers of competition.
She dreads competition.
But living through the friend, she cannot satisfy her own need for expression.
[People crowd around Margaret's best friend, paying no attention to Margaret.]
[Margaret:] There was a boy who took me out once in a while.
He was very nice.
I guess Jean got quite a crush on him, because she flirted with him a lot.
I guess he got to like her, too.
I remember one time when I was going along the street, they were standing talking
to some other people and they didn't even say hello.
I felt terribly hurt.
[Doctor:] Did you say hello?
[Margaret:] No. I didn't want to butt in when they didn't say hello.
I felt awful.
[Narrator:] Afraid to join them, she is not noticed.
She feels, wrongly, that she is not wanted.
Always this inability to stand up for herself in situations calling only for normal competition.
[Margaret:] I remember once when I was about 12, we were having a school play.
I wanted to be the princess.
I practiced alone in my room until I knew it perfectly.
[Teacher:] All right. Now we want to choose the princess.
Who wants to be first?
All right, Jean.
[Jean:] A fairy went a-marketing, she bought a colored bird.
It sang the sweetest, shrillest song that ever she had heard.
She sat beside its painted cage and listened half the day, and then she... then she...
then she opened up the door and let it fly away.
[Teacher:] All right, Margaret. It's your turn.
[Margaret:] A fairy went a-mar-- marketing.
She bought a, a colored bird.
It sang the sweetest, shrillest song that ever she had heard.
[Teacher:] All right, dear. I guess you don't know it very well.
[Narrator:] Afraid to compete for fear that she might lose friendship.
Gradually, Margaret, with the doctor's help, discovers what in her childhood
has made her act and feel as she does now.
Margaret was sheltered too much as a child.
Her well-meaning, but overanxious mother often discouraged her by exaggerating
the dangers of everyday life.
[Mother:] Margaret, stop that, you'll burn yourself, child.
Mommy doesn't want her darling baby to be hurt.
[Narrator:] As she hears the all too familiar don'ts, her normal need to learn by doing is curbed.
She clings to her mother for safety.
[Mother:] No, Margaret. It's sharp!
You'll cut your hand!
You mustn't do that! You'll smash your thumb!
Margaret, how many times must I tell you not to climb?
You could fall and break a leg.
Darling, those are sharp scissors!
You'll cut off your fingers!
Margaret, little girls don't climb on gates. You'll hurt yourself and get all dirty.
Mommy wants you to be her good little girl and keep neat and tidy.
Love Mommy?
[Narrator:] She depends now too much on her mother's approval.
It is safest to avoid all activities which seem dangerous or which her mother wouldn't like.
A little sister.
Now mother's affections must be shared.
The baby takes up time and attention that otherwise would've been hers.
When she feels insecure, she seeks protection, but too often she chooses awkward moments
to ask for it.
[Father:] No, no. Go and play. Daddy's busy.
Can't you come and get this child?
[Narrator:] Normal rebuffs are exaggerated by her feeling of insecurity.
She has too few devices to turn to.
Normal activity has already been too much discouraged.
When she cannot get attention, she feels she is not wanted.
She competes for the attention she feels she must have.
[Margaret:] Look, Mama, Daddy, I can dance.
[Mother:] Mommy and Daddy don't love little girls that show off.
[Narrator:] To show off is bad.
If you are bad, no one will love you.
She tries other ways, creative ways to get attention and affection,
but finds no encouragement.
[Father:] What is it?
[Margaret:] It's a bear.
[Father:] I've never seen a bear look like that.
[Margaret:] Look, Mommy.
[Mother:] Margaret, take your dirty paints away. I don't want my laundry all messed up.
[Narrator:] Her parents don't understand Margaret's needs and this robs her of an outlet
through self-expression.
Because her self-confidence has already been damaged, she gives up easily.
[Father:] Can't you look after this child?
[Mother:] Look after her yourself. I'm busy.
[Father:] Now be a good girl or I'll paddle you.
[Narrator:] She learns to be a good girl, to do what she is told.
This gains her very little, but she runs no risk of losing approval.
Margaret's parents are not unusual.
Parents who are fond of their children can still discourage them from growing up
active and competent.
[Father:] You're being a good girl.
[Narrator:] By the age of 8, she is a model child.
What she is being made, she now is.
She never quite grows up.
Even as an adult, she is still the good child.
In order to grow up, she must learn how to face up to her difficulty.
The model child does not necessarily become the happy adult.
[Mother:] She's a good girl.
[Sounds of children shouting and playing on the school playground.]
[Narrator:] By now, she is able to work out her personal problems with others
in a group under guidance.
In this understanding environment, Margaret finds that she is not alone with her difficulties.
She feels that she belongs.
She is no longer so afraid to express her real feelings and to assert herself.
[Clerk:] This one was featured in many of the fashion magazines.
The new spring shade in blue, it's a very sensible walking shoe and yet a very dressy shoe.
I have your size in this.
[Narrator:] She was not so bound by the crippling ties of childhood.
[Inner voices:] Take this one, Margaret.
Be a good girl or we won't love you.
Margaret, do what you're told.
[Margaret:] No, I don't like any of those at all.
Can you show me something else, please?
Something a little gayer.
[Narrator:] With new understanding, her headaches bother her less.
Having fewer conflicts, she has fewer symptoms.
In all her contacts at home, in the office, and with her widening circle of friends,
she is beginning a new life.
Some lessons of childhood can be learned too well and carried over into adult life.
Sometimes they can become the source of illness which has no discoverable basis
in physical conditions.
Through increased understanding of these factors, the individual learns how
to stand up for himself.
He becomes more and more able to take part with confidence and satisfaction in the world
of his friends.
[Mental Mechanisms No. 1. THE END The Feeling of Rejection]
[Produced and Directed by Robert Anderson. Camera, Dennis Gillson. Music, Robert Fleming.
Sound, J.P. Champagne. Editing, Victor Jobin. Script by Bruce Ruddick, M.D.
Produced by the National Film Board Ottawa, Canada mcmxlvii]