[...]
[Music playing]
[Ethel:] Are you sureyou [?], dear?
[Albert:] Well, that was quitea few years back, Ethel.
You know, I wishnow I'd never found
that bat and ball in the attic.
[Ethel:] Listen.
It was as much my faultas yours that Arthur
had his back to the street.
I saw it go out there.
It never occurred tome, you know, that...
oh!
Oh, I'll never forget that.
[Albert:] You?
Boy, that took 10years off my life.
[Ethel:] I can still hearSam shouting at you.
I think he was morescared than Arthur was.
[Music playing]
[The American Academy of Pediatrics]
[In cooperation with
[Music continues]
[Merck Sharp and Dohme]
[Presents]
[Safe At Home]
[Another in the "Ask Your Doctor" series]
[Starring: Peg Lynch and Alan Bunceas "Ethel and Albert"]
[Music fades, family room setting]
[Camera pans room revealing a mess and upheaval]
[Albert lying on couch]
[Ethel sighs]
[Paper rustle]
[...]
[Paper splat]
[...]
[Chair clunks]
[Ethel:] Ah.
[Ethel sitting in chair]
[Ethel taps chair]
[...]
[Albert:] Have they gone?
[Ethel:] Yes.
[Albert:] Are you sure?
[Ethel:] I saw the car disappear.
[Albert:] Ahh.
[Car engine]
They're coming back.
They've forgottensomething and...
[Albert gasps]
Oh, god.
[Couch rustles, apple tossed]
[Ethel:] You're verytense, Albert.
You are, dear.
[Albert:] Ha!
[Ethel:] What did you say?
[Albert:] I said, ha!
[Ethel:] You are tense.
Not just now, that car, you...
[Albert:] Look.
When I remember howyou objected when
my Aunt Catherine wanted to comehere and spend a week with us.
[Ethel:] I didn't objectto your Aunt Catherine.
Besides, it was amonth, not a week.
What I objected towas her pet kangaroo.
I really know nextto nothing, dear,
about having a kangaroofor a houseguest.
[Albert:] After this weekend,with those five kangaroos
that your sistercalls children, I
think we could both qualifyas social directors in a zoo.
[Ethel:] Oh, they're sweet.
We're just not used tohaving children around.
That's all.
[Albert:] Is anyone?
[Ethel:] You were the onewho insisted they spend
the weekend with us, dear.
[Albert:] Who me?
[Ethel:] Yes, you.
And when I pointed out to youthat it might be too much,
you reminded methat we were adults.
And you said you were anamateur psychologist to boot.
You were going to use simplepsychology on them, you said.
You'd have no trouble at all.
Psychology-- oh, honestly,I will never forget that
first morning, never.
[Albert:] Nor I.
[Light whimsical music]
Saturday started a trifleearly, but with Ethel's brother
dropping the kidsoff before dawn
so they could get an earlystart on their fishing trip.
I hate to get up.
But once I'm up, Ican't go back to sleep.
So I sort of helped setthings up for breakfast,
and waited until Ethelroused the children.
[Ethel:] Roused soundsso easy, dear.
They were delivered inpajamas and curlers,
I'll have you know.
[Albert:] They looked very nice.
You'd make a wonderfulfoster mother.
[Ethel:] But five in one fellswoop, that's too much for me.
We even ran out of chairs.
[Albert:] It'selementary psychology
to allow children tohelp with simple tasks.
It makes them feel importantand keeps them out of trouble.
So I invited Anna tohelp me with the milk.
Anna's fine, if youlike bright children.
[Music continues]
I got five glassesdown and began
to pour five glasses of milk.
[Music]
And then the first small troublecloud made its appearance.
Anna, it appeared, didn't drinkplain milk, or so she said.
[Ethel:] And you made themistake of asking her why.
I only drink milk withchocolate in it, she said.
[Albert:] And wouldn't you knowthe others had to join in.
I apologized and asked themto drink the plain milk
just this once.
But Anna didn't think so.
So I offered thema quarter apiece
if they'd drink the white milk.
[Ethel:] If I'd beenthere at that moment,
I'd have stopped the bribery.
A good dose of firm disciplineis what they needed.
[Albert:] Maybe, butit worked anyway.
They agreed, and I starteddishing out the quarters.
[Music]
[Ethel:] Tommy didn'tlose any time putting
that quarter in a safe place.
[Albert:] I only hadtwo quarters, so I
had to find some loosechange in the cupboard.
[Ethel:] Loose change?
While I was next doorat Tom's house borrowing
a kitchen stool, you were calmlyrobbing me of the pin money
I keep in the kitchenfor making change.
[Albert:] I told youI'd pay it back.
[Ethel:] All right,you owe me seventy-five cents.
Now don't you forget.
[Albert:] By that time, Ineeded a cup of coffee.
Although actually, it beganto look as though the weekend
might not be so bad after all.
In fact, it might berather interesting
having five children around.
[Music]
You know, dear, you shouldnever pass a boiling hot item
over the heads of children.
[Ethel:] I didn'tnotice you refusing
it, you and your coffee.
[Albert:] Well, I wanted tosit down with the children
and keep an eye on them.
[Music transition to tense music]
[Ethel:] You know thatoutlet was very handy
when we had the table up againstthe wall where it belongs.
Well, there goes Helen,like a Mexican jumping bean.
[Albert:] You can't expectyoungsters to sit still, Ethel.
Anyone knows that.
Mm, that's good coffee.
[Ethel:] And anyone knows thata kitchen isn't a racetrack.
Come on, Tommy.
Helen, sit down andeat your breakfast.
[Albert:] Oh, let them play.
I'll keep an eye on them.
They can't hurt anythingin the kitchen anyhow.
[Wall plug with electrical cord]
You don't readily adjustto new situations, Ethel.
You become nervous.
[Ethel:] I'm not nervous.
I'm just not usedto five children.
Albert, the cord!
[Albert:] Boy, I justgrabbed her in time.
Helen, go sit down, will you?
Boy, that was close.